holmes blend

now I know how it's done

2009-08-13T21:36:00.001-07:00

Inspiring people

2009-08-12T17:15:00.000-07:00

I have had the privilege over this last year to make the acquaintances of a few artists that inspire me toward greater excellence in my own work. Each of the three Dallas artists that I will highlight in this post are people of faith who know all too well the no-man's-land of being a Christian visual artist (being too artsy for the church and too churchy for the arts community). And yet they persist and continue to create thought provoking work that is of the highest artistic merit. As an act of faithfulness they create and utilize the tools God has granted to them. May their tribe increase and may the church do well and support these artists who are laboring among us.

James Michael Starr

As a poignant demonstration of recreation and redemption, James Michael Starr takes throw away objects and refashions them into hauntingly beautiful sculptures and 2 dimensional images. Below are his works "Dad" and "Going to Heaven".

You can see more of James Michael Starr's work at http://www.jamesmichaelstarr.com/

Billy Keen

Billy Keen is a prolific artist who employs painting, sculpture and woodworking in his large and impressive works. Themes of creation, redemption, renewal, spiritual rebirth, and the mysteries of being human are all close to Keen's heart. Below are "Lone Rider" and "Cactus Wren".

You can find out more about Billy Keen at http://www.billykeenart.com/

Kimberly Alexander

Kim's art is directly influenced by her full-time "day job" as a teacher of international high school students. Her work is filled with both the heart breaking as well as the inspirational stories of these immigrant teens. Her large scale works are carefully planned out and meticulously executed. Below are "Self portrait as a teacher" and "Two Bullets".

It is artists like these that encourage me to keep painting and to tell the stories God has given me to tell.

One of those times

2009-08-11T19:07:00.000-07:00

Ever had one of those moments when you are in a conversation with someone and you don't know their name, but somehow you think you are supposed to know their name? They know your name but you don't know theirs. And then you reach that point in the conversation when the window of opportunity closes to ask their name. It would have been ok at the beginning of the conversation - one of those "tell me your name again" statements. But then you wait too long - and the moment passes.

Too slow and now you're stuck.

If you had only been quicker - more free - more honest from the very beginning - you wouldn't be having this dilemma. But you weren't quick, you were slow and you didn't speak up with the question you really needed to ask. You let the moment slip away. You chose the safer path - to not speak up - to not risk awkwardness. Now you have missed the opportunity. Your timing was all wrong.

Now it's just easier to stay quiet. Don't ask the question. Hope it never comes up. When you stay quiet long enough, continued silence becomes the most preferable ongoing solution. To speak up now - to ask the question now - after so much silence - just seems weird.

That's kind of how I feel about this blog. I've got lots to say that I should have said already. Now it just seems weird.

It's easier to just let another day pass.

Anniversary

2009-05-22T17:38:00.000-07:00

Today is my anniversary. Well, not just mine. It's Kelly's anniversary too. 16 years ago we said "I do" to each other - having very little idea of what would be in store for us.

Very little idea.

Kelly is an amazing woman. She has been through an awful lot being married to me. Being a pastor's wife for 10 years is a difficult thing to do. She filled that role with grace and humor and humility. Now - we get to experience the joys of starting a new business... together. And while it is great to be working together, it's stressful too. Communication becomes quite delicate - finding the line between business and personal - the important and the vitally important. It's not all easy. We are both being stretched in new areas - growing - learning. God continues to teach us thing that we didn't know we needed to learn.

She has been through a lot being married to me.

And I love her dearly.

It's probably best that we didn't know what was coming 16 ago. It's probably best that way.

Much has not turned out the way we planned. But, as my journey has twisted and turned, God has not seen fit to leave me alone. He gave me a teammate - someone to complete me, sustain me, thrill me, encourage me, make me laugh, and make me feel loved. I hope she doesn't feel too jipped. I made out a lot better in this deal that she did.

16 years of the unexpected. The adventure continues.

16 years... and counting.

LOST prediction - amended

2009-05-22T06:33:00.000-07:00

Ok - I change my mind.

Jacob is not the smoke - the other dude at the beginning of the season finale is the smoke. He is also the manifestation of every other dead person who appears to be alive on the Island - including Clair, Christian, Ben's daughter, Locke, etc. That dude has been manipulating everyone and everything in a grand attempt to get someone other than himself to kill Jacob.

That's my story and I am sticking to it.

Actually, I need to thank Ed Clark (the video guy at Chase Oaks church) for helping me see the light concerning the above theory. Although, I don't think he reads my blog, so I might as well take credit for it.

He'll never know.

LOST predictions

2009-05-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

I just watched the session finale of LOST last night. Here are my predictions:

If you are not up on Lost - and/or have not yet seen this season's finale, don't read.

1. Next season will begin with the original Oceanic flight taking off from Australia and safely landing in L.A. Everyone will then find themselves back on the Island through some other means. It's fate after all.

2. The Island will turn out to be a modern version of Mount Olympus - where real versions of Greek Mythological gods live (Jacob being one). Like Greek gods, these characters are quite fallible, powerful but not supreme, and quite willing to put on disguises and interact with humans. Also - like Greek gods there are different characters with different attributes and degrees of specialness.

(I am not sure why Jacob has been drawing people to the Island for so many years - at least back to the time of the Black Rock. He wants the Island to be found by certain people. Don't know why.)

3. Richard will turn out to be one of the crew of the Black Rock. He was given some divine attributes by Jacob (which is why he doesn't age).

4. When those on the island face ultimate judgement, they stand before Jacob as he takes the form of black smoke.

5. All the characters, all the players who have had a role on that Island at any time will turn out to be pawns in a divine "chess match" between those two dudes at the beginning of the season finale. Ultimately, the entire story of LOST - all six seasons (or however many seasons it is) will all be about those 2 men. Everyone else is simply doing their bidding.

Once the "pawns" realize what's going on they will rise up and kill their "gods". It appears that Jacob may already be dead. One down, one to go.

Kind of random, but I just like it a lot

2009-04-24T09:47:00.000-07:00

Stand by me from Vendée 1 on Vimeo.

Click here to read THINK Magazine's article about Mark's Bros Coffee

2009-04-16T21:39:00.000-07:00

Of fathers and daughters

2009-03-28T20:12:00.000-07:00

Life has been pretty crazy around the Holmes' household for quite a while now. I have been so consumed with moving and settling into a new city, a new house and starting a new business that it is easy to lose focus on things that really matter. Through all the craziness, I think each of my daughters have grown about an inch.

I feel like I have missed it.

I turned around and said, "When did this happen? When did you get so tall?" I have been so wrapped up in all my own stuff, my daughters have gone about their business of getting older - without me.

Following the advice of a dear friend I took Abby (my oldest) to a "Fathers and Daughters Summit" today. These summits are put on by the National Center for Fathering. It was well done. I am so glad I went. How refreshing to be in the same room with 400 other fathers and daughters who desire a good relationship with each other.

To be quite honest, I was not super excited about going. I had a ton to do today - none of which got done. I had some great conversations with Abby though - conversations that were long overdue. It was a great day.

Emma - you're next.

Mark's Brothers are now selling coffee

2009-03-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

We're open.

It's been quite a process, but we are now up and running. Mark's Brothers Big World Coffee Roasters is now in business. Visit us at www.marksbrotherscoffee.com. Our site is functioning but we are still finding revisions. Be patient.

If you live in the Dallas area, stop by the shop between 10:00am and 2:00pm (or whenever you see the light on). We are located at at 1915 Central Expressway in Plano (the south west corner of Central Expressway and Park Blvd - behind the Fishmongers and near the Asel Art). The suite number is 340. We don't have a sign yet - coming soon.

If you know of anyone who might be interested in what we are trying to do - who might be intrigued by our story and stories of the coffees we are trying to sell, please point them to our web site.

Thanks

O.K. - Kelly here (Greg's wife). I'm supposed to be editing his post, but I'm here to say that he copied mine minus the bling (he's really tired).

The honest to goodness deal is that this coffee is amazing; we are thrilled to have our website functioning (even with revisions forthcoming); and you have been tremendous in your support. And, well, we're REALLY HAPPY to be roasting coffee that is amazing - I'm loving it and we're hearing great things. Thank you! Your word of mouth plus great coffee are the best marketing tools we have going for us.

Don't tell him I invaded his blog; He'll never know.

More progress

2009-03-05T09:13:00.000-08:00

We moved into our new home this last weekend. We are living in the midst of boxes and are surrounded by little projects that need to be done to make our house our unique home. It is great to be in our space again, though. We are very thankful. We love our new place.

I'm roasting - running "junk" beans through our roaster to get it seasoned and calibrated.

We were just told this morning that our web site should be up and running next week.

Soon we will be open for business.

Progress

2009-02-23T07:55:00.000-08:00

As anyone who has started a new business already knows - there are about 15 things that need to happen (hopefully concurrently) before a business can really be up and running - there are legal issues, finance issues, accounting and book keeping issues, marketing issues, inventory, sales, purchasing, etc.

We are slowly but surely crossing things off our list.

This past week was the "dealing with the building and health departments in the city of Plano" week. No fun. The city has never dealt with a coffee roastery before, so they are not quite sure how to classify us. We are not a coffee shop. We aren't serving coffee by the cup - or any beverage - or any food items. But coffee is obviously ingested, so sanitation is very important. Pinpointing the exact requirements has been a bit of a puzzle for the city. In a way it's good that the city doesn't know what to do with a roastery - it means there's not a lot of local competition. But, we have had to adapt to several building requirements that we weren't expecting. Some of the requirements aren't too costly. Others, however...

The biggest requirement we have had to adapt to was the health department saying we had to install a 3 compartment sink (like in commercial kitchens), a hand washing sink, and a mop sink. That's all on top of a sink we already have in our bathroom. In case you are keeping score - that's six sinks.

Six sinks.

And - all those new sinks have to be in our prep area where - you guessed it - we did not already have plumbing. So, we have been doing our best this past week to keep area plumbers employed during a down economy.

On a brighter note - our big new roaster came in. It's hooked up and our vent stack is installed. The gas company is coming by today to check everything out and turn the gas on. We will start calibrating and seasoning the machine this week.

Very exciting.

Hurry up and wait

2009-02-05T21:46:00.000-08:00

Nothing quite goes like it's supposed to.

Everything seems to take longer than it needs to.

Starting a business is not for the feint of heart. The learning curve is pretty steep. Stress levels get pretty high. Every day is a new obstacle. Some of the obstacles are external - venders who don't return your call - landlords who... don't return your call - coffee roaster manufacturers who... don't return your call - stuff like that. Some of the obstacles are internal. It's pretty overwhelming having to get good at about 10 things at once, knowing that about 9 of them I have never done before. It can get paralyzing if you are not careful. There is a reason why accounting, finance, marketing, real estate, sales, and web design are all professional jobs for professional people. I am in one of those "Am I in way over my head?" stages of life. It's exciting and terrifying all at the same time.

I made an important decision today though. I ordered my first shipment of coffee. I am super excited; we have some great coffees coming in. We have been sample roasting and cupping coffee after coffee over the last 3 weeks. Our goal was to start out with a manageable handful of coffees - with a good mix of Central and South America, Indonesia and Africa. We also want a good flavor mix of: mellow and balanced, buttery and sweet, fruity, deep and dark, along with a great tasting decaf. Above all of that, who we buy the coffee from and under what terms is an issue that is very important to us. We have had the privilege of beginning the process of relationship building both with our buyer who shares our values and the farmers whose coffee we'll carry. Each of our coffees were purchased at or above Fair Trade prices. And, there are some exciting stories of what's going on in those regions as a result of the premiums these fine coffees are fetching - schools being built - standard of living increasing. Cool stuff.

Here are the coffees we will be carrying. You will hear more about these coffees - and the stories that surround them soon. And, when our web site is done - there will be much more there.

1. Guatemala Huehuetenangeo Rio Azul - This is a wonderful, smooth and balanced coffee. It has a gentle nutty flavor that makes you just want to drink it all day.

2. Brazil Mogiana Natural Yellow Bourbon Fazenda Cachoeira - Wow - this coffee is awesome. It is naturally sweet and buttery - like an oreo cookie dipped in heavy whipping cream.

3. Ethiopia Natural Sidamo Gerbichu Lela. Starbucks carries a Sidamo - and it's a crying shame what they do to that coffee. The Ethiopian Sidamo has one of the most prized and distinct coffee flavors in all the world. When roasted right a good Sidamo should taste like a cup of blueberries. We roast it right - it's blueberries forever, dude. If I'm lyin' I'm dyin'. This coffee is flat out incredible. Starbucks roasts theirs so dark that those delicate blueberry notes are burned and (literally) go up in smoke. It's real shame. If you have never tasted a good Sidamo, I can't wait for you to taste ours.

4. Sulawesi Torajaland. This is a deep, dark, heavy, and powerful Indonesian coffee - a good coffee to brood by. It has a long aftertaste on the back of tongue. This coffee has some meat on its bones.

5. Tanzania Peaberry Songea. Grown in the acidic soil and shadow of Mt. Kileminjaro, this is an exotic flavor that we just had to carry. It has a subtle tart fruitiness - like a dry red wine. It's really a great coffee.

6. Peru Mountain Water Decaf. This is an all natural and organic decaffeinating process - not too dissimilar to Swiss Water process. Having cupped them side by side, however, I think the Mountain Water process they do in Latin America retains far more subtle coffee flavors than Swiss Water. Swiss Water decafs have always tasted a bit "thin" to me - like the flavor left with the caffeine. Not so this Peru. This is a wonderful coffee that you would swear was not decaffeinated.

That's what we are starting with. They should be here in a week or so. I'll let you know when we are open for business.

What's in a name?

2009-01-19T21:56:00.000-08:00

It's been an eventful week. I spent about 4 days in Clearwater, Florida with the manufacturer of the Coffee roaster we are buying. I learned a ton - not only about how to use and maintain the machine, but about the business of buying, roasting, packaging, marketing, and selling coffee. It was a bit overwhelming.

Before my brother and I left for Florida, we made an offer on some commercial space that we are pretty excited about. It looks like it is going to happen. We have a few details to finalize and some discussions with the city about permitting before we sign the lease. We are hopeful though.

While we were gone we received all our paperwork from the state. We are official now. Our company's name is... are you ready?

Mark's Brothers BIG WORLD Coffee Roasters.

This company is a partnership between my brother Brian and myself. Our oldest brother Mark is not really part of the business. He doesn't even care that much about coffee. But, seeing as though Brian and I are both "Mark's brothers" we thought we would include him in our title.

The "Big World" part comes from our desire to expand people's view of the world. We want to do that in a few different ways. First, we want to expand people's world by introducing consumers to the individuals that grow their coffee. Coffee is grown by real people who harvest and process their crop by hand in some of the most beautiful yet poverty stricken places on the planet. Our view of the world needs to expand to include people like these - places like these. So often, our own personal world tends to get so small and closed in around us - my friends, my job, my house, my family, my stuff. But it is a big world filled with exotic places and wonderful people made in the image of God.

We also want to expand people's world by introducing coffee flavors that most people have never tasted. And, when I say "flavor" I am not talking about "hazelnut" or "vanilla" - I am talking about flavors of origin. Each country, each region, each species of coffee plant has it's own flavor profile that is apparent when the coffee is roasted properly. I have been roasting and drinking exotic specialty coffee for several years now. I continue to come across flavors I have never tasted before. If you had to, could you tell the difference between a coffee grown in Tanzania vs. one grown in Burundi? What about Papua New Guinea vs. East Timor? There are wonderful coffees being grown in places I have trouble finding on a globe. And each one is distinct. I think it is exciting.

To us - it's an adventure. It's an opportunity to be introduced to people we have never met before who live in places we know very little about - who are producing wonderfully distinct coffee.

We hope others are up for an adventure as well.

Met some cool people today

2009-01-08T19:14:00.000-08:00

I took a road trip today down to Austin to meet with the owners of Third Coast Coffee Roasting Company. They graciously agreed to welcome me in, let me see their operation and answer my questions about starting a roastery. That kind of openness is extraordinarily rare in this business. No one wants to talk. Third Coast talked to me, however - and for that I am very grateful. I learned a lot today and met some really cool people. It was well worth the 7 hours I spent in the car.

Check out this awsomeness

2009-01-07T20:17:00.000-08:00

This is the roaster we're getting. Ours will be red instead of yellow - which is even better.

Ok - here's the deal

2009-01-06T12:33:00.000-08:00

For the last two months I have been living with my brother and his family - which has been great - in a sort of hectic, vacationing kind of way. We are still waiting for our house to sell in Kansas. It's under contract, but the buyers need their house to sell first - you know how it goes.

In the mean time I have been hanging out at my brother's and I have been scrambling to figure out what the next chapter of my life will look like.

Here's what I know so far. I am going to be following two paths at once.

Path number 1.

Chase Oaks Church (http://www.chaseoaks.org/) . I have had the opportunity over this past year to get to know a few of the pastors at the church where my brother attends. They have been gracious and generous in offering counsel and help as I have dealt with some pretty tough issues.
Now that I am in town they have given me the opportunity to help out with their arts/production team. I have oversight over the production of the weekend services. It's a pretty big church - 5 weekend services divided between two venues. And, those two venues have a very different feel and different target audiences. My role is to use my arts background and my pastoral experience to help shape those weekend gatherings.
The learning curve - at least technically - is fairly steep here at the beginning. There are a couple of software programs that I need to ramp up on pretty quickly. It's been great to hang out with some wonderfully creative and gracious people. It's just a part-time gig though and doesn't really pay the bills. So...

Path number 2

Coffee, coffee, and more coffee. My brother and I have decided to take the plunge and open a coffee roastery focusing on organic fair trade coffee. I have been home roasting for about 4 years, and during that time I have become more aware of the inequities of the global coffee exchange. Our desire is to not only sell wonderful coffee, but to run a roastery as an extension of my ministry and my heart to meet people at their point of need.

Here are some facts about coffee that you might like to know.

Coffee is the second-highest traded commodity in the world and fifty percent of it is grown on small family farms. In America alone 2.3 billion pounds of coffee is consumed each year and for every daily coffee drinker there is a worker that depends on the crop for his or her livelihood. But the majority of small family farmers are living in poverty. They don’t have the money or the means necessary to transport their crop from their mountain-growing communities to their local market. They must rely on local middlemen to buy their crop from them. Forced to sell at rock-bottom prices with no other means of income and no other option to exhaust, the small coffee farmer gets stuck in a cycle of dependency that becomes impossible to break.

That's where "Fair Trade" organizations come in. These organizations gather farmers into producing coops (giving the farmer much more selling power). Distribution channels can then be provided to these coops so that they can sell directly to importers and bypass the typical auction system and all of its middlemen. Organizations like TransFair set a minimum "fair" price for coffee increasing the likelihood that growers could make a living off their crop. And, cutting out middlemen means that even though the growers are receiving more per pound - the consumer is not paying much more for a Fair Trade product.

It's a great idea - and it's working.

Part of the Fair Trade premiums that coops receive are retained by the coops and used for community development projects in the communities where the farmers live. I've been so encouraged to read report after report of schools and health clinics and wells and bridges being built - all through Fair Trade premiums. I love that.

My hope is that others will love it too.

Needless to say, the last month has been full of research - researching commercial roasters and packaging equipment, semi-industrial lease space, sources for green organic fair trade coffee, sales and distribution channels, etc. Lots of information gathering.

We have a name (but it's not legal yet - hopefully this week - I'll let you know). Our roaster will be arriving at the end of the month. I'll be attending a four day class next week in Florida to learn how to use and maintain our new roaster. Our hope is to be up and running by early February. We have a daunting amount of work to do before then.

The focus of our new business will be:
1. Wholesale roasting for restaurants, cafes and churches who want a fresh roasted, values driven product to provide for their customers.
2. Private label wholesale roasting - for shops and cafes who wish to resell our coffee under their label.
3. Retail sales through our web site. (coming soon)
4. Fundraising - for schools and church youth groups who desire to sell something a little more values driven than cookie dough and popcorn.

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I'll keep you informed.

My new favorite music video

2008-12-27T21:09:00.000-08:00

There and back again; A Holmes' Tale

2008-11-14T08:42:00.000-08:00

About 11 years ago Kelly and I packed up all our worldly possessions, strapped in our toddler and our newborn, and we headed north. I had just finished 4 years at Dallas Theological Seminary and we were off to full-time vocational ministry in the great Mid West. Those 11 years have been quite an adventure. We went places we had never been; we met tons of wonderful people; we faced difficult challenges, and made great friends. Through it all God has taken care of us and has given us the opportunity to be a part of his mission. Now we are back - back in Big D - the home of the Cowboys, Tex-Mex, good barbecue, and terrible traffic.

Big D is also the home of my brother and sister in-law, Brian and Melanie - who are among my most favorite people in the world. Through grace and generosity they are alowing my family of five to invade their beautiful home during this time of transition. They are pretty awesome people. We just hope they don't get too sick of us.

Over the next few weeks Kelly and I will be reconnecting with old friends, chasing down job opportunities and trying our best to decompress and relax. We'll see how that goes.

I've been wondering how to say this

2008-10-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted on this blog in over two months. It's not that I haven't had anything on my mind. Just the opposite. I have just had precious little that I could share in a forum as public as this. I am going through a tremendous time of transition right now - a transition that impacts me, my family and my church. About a month or so ago Kelly and I made the decision that it was time for me to step out of the sr. pastor role at Garden Community Church. There is nothing immoral or unethical going on - I was not asked to leave - my marriage is fine - I didn't steal from the church - none of that. We simply came to the conclusion that the church needed a different kind of leader and I need a better ministry fit.

The last couple of weeks have been painful for a lot of people - including me. Lots of questions. Lots of conversations. It's been hard on everyone.

Kelly and I are not sure what comes next for us. While we realize that it is not usually the way of wisdom to resign a position without a clear path ahead - we felt it was time to move on nonetheless. I have had several job conversations over the past few weeks as I have tried to figure out where we are going to land. Nothing set yet. Kelly and I are planning on relocating closer to family in either San Antonio, Dallas or Des Moines. Each of those cities not only represent great places to live long-term, but also soft places for us to land during a time of transition. If you think about it, please pray that God will make straight our path.

On a happy note - we got an offer on our house as soon as word got out that it would be for sale. We are still figuring out the contract details. I hope it all works out - that would be great.

The Power of Art

2008-08-13T11:06:00.000-07:00

I, along with everyone else that I have talked to who watched the opening ceremony of the Olympics sat stunned at what I was seeing. We have entered into a new realm. A new bar has been set. Wouldn't you hate to be an Olympic organizer for the 2012 London games? What an act to follow. The artistry, the beauty, the technology, the precision, the excellence bordering on absolute perfection - it was an incredible show.

And more than a little intimidating.

China is such a mystery to those of us in the West. We know that China is huge, but sometimes we forget just how huge (one out of every 5 people on the planet live there). They have a terrible record on human rights - a record they don't want anyone else to know about. They are an economic power, they are a military power, they desperately want to be seen as a technological power. It is strange, however, to have a country that is that big and that powerful and still, I (as a fairly educated person) know virtually nothing about China. They remain such a mystery. I watched the opening ceremonies in part to learn something. I wanted to see how China would handle that opportunity.

They gave me an eyeful.

If a country wants to project societal strength, technological advancement, solid history and military power - that country has some options as to who they want to handle the task of communicating such truths. They could give the stage to politicians, scientists, historians and military generals.

Or they could hand that task to the artists.

You can display strength to the rest of the world by parading an endless line of soldiers and tanks, or you can employ 2000 drummers and essentially get across the same message.

I wonder how many others while watching that show went from delight, to wonder, to awe, to being a little creeped out and perhaps a bit frightened? At some point you cross a line from praiseworthy precision in large groups - to fear of the storm troopers who act as one. I realize that the term "storm trooper" is way too strong and perhaps a bit offensive. I know that those drummers and dancers have lives of their own with families who love them and a God who created them in His image. What I am trying to say is that the image of strength portrayed and resulting intimidation that I felt was quite possibly intended.

Only an artist of very high caliber could have created that kind of emotional response within me. Art is a powerful thing. It is able to touch us in ways that rational communication cannot. Which is why art should be seen as so very important to the Christian community. When the church fails to be actively involved in excellent and relevant art - we essentially hand over to those outside the Body of Christ a powerful tool for the shaping of the mind and the emotions and the spirit of the culture in which we live. The most underutilized assets that the church has at its disposal are not its theologians or its Christians politicians or even its pastors - but rather its artists. Theologically sound individuals who through years of hard work have achieved a level excellence in the performing arts, visual arts, musical arts, and literary arts often have a unique ability to communicate profound truth with depth and simplicity. They can communicate in ways others cannot. They can touch areas that are deep within you - areas that are hard to reach.

Perhaps there are lessons we need to learn from the Olympics. The reason the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics were as profound, moving, awe inspiring, intimidating, and slightly disturbing as they were is precisely because a highly skilled, highly knowledgeable, highly motivated, and highly funded artist was calling the shots.

The Olympics are starting! The Olympics are starting!

2008-08-08T12:56:00.000-07:00

I am super pumped about the Olympics. I will be watching way too much television over the next couple of weeks. Kelly and I are already trying to figure out how we are going to handle the appearance of hypocrisy in front of our kids. We have made very clear to our children that if you watch too much TV, your brain turns into mashed potatoes. I am calling for a special dispensation at Olympic time. It is perfectly fine to zone out in front of the tube for the next two weeks - as long as you are watching a sport that you only get to see during the Olympics.

Which kind of brings up a beef that I have - not with the Olympics, but with Olympic coverage. I want to see the obscure stuff - rowing, badminton, fencing, ping pong - that kind of stuff. The problem is - NBC would rather show a gymnast eating dinner than a badminton match. My feeling is there are opportunities to see gymnastics throughout the year. If you watch Sunday afternoon sports regularly you'll know that the World Championships, the Olympic Trials along with other gymnastic competitions are indeed televised. I would just as soon they not show anything but the highlights of gymnastics. There is so much other cool stuff to watch. Show me the drama in the Taekwondo ring. (I don't even know the rules of Taekwondo - what a great time to learn). What are the odds that I will be able to catch some good archery competition, or kayaking, or handball? Probably not very good. Now, granted, I know nothing of those sports. They might be very boring to watch. But, the job of the network is to make me excited about it. They are missing a golden opportunity. There are only a couple of times every decade when I am willing to devote hours to watching and learning about a sport that I care nothing about. You get the Olympic spirit and find yourself cheering on athletes you have never heard of from countries you have never visited playing sports you don't understand. Isn't that great?

It remains to be seen if NBC will capitalize on their opportunity or if they will just show non-stop swimming, gymnastics and track and field.

From their perspective it probably doesn't much matter. I am going to watch anyway.

of bad backs and robots

2008-07-28T13:03:00.001-07:00

bad backs

I am still hobbling around because of my gimpy back. I am amazed at variety of opinions I have received regarding lower back pain. I had no idea. Passionate opinions too. I must see a chiropractor; I must not go to a chiropractor; I really need physical therapy; Vitamin B helps nerves; stretch, stretch, stretch; rest and don't aggravate it; exercise; Have I considered a massage?; Codeine; muscle relaxants; heat; ice; reflexology; I probably need better shoes.

It is clear that a lot of people care for me and want to help any way they can. I am touched by their concern. I am still a little fuzzy about what I should be doing, however. Too much information - too many options. The only things I have done so far have been stretching and Codeine. (I have become a big fan of Codeine - it makes all your problems go away - I like it a lot). I am seeing the Doc again tomorrow. I think they will take X-rays. We'll see.

My buddy Rob things I am just being a wimp and that I just need to quit my crying and toughen up. He's a real friend.

Robots

My 12 yr old daughter Abby, just finished a week long robotics camp at Wichita State University. She and the other middle school students on her team worked all day, day after day, designing, building, and programing robots to perform certain tasks in competition with other teams. It was really cool - and she did awesome. It was strange, though, watching her at work. She seemed so much older sitting there with her laptop and wires everywhere trying to program her robot to use echo-location sensors so it doesn't bump into things, or light sensors so her robot can differentiate between colors. It was really quite impressive. And, it's all over my head. I find myself wanting to say things like, "well, I'll be" and "It's amazing what they can do these days" and "I never would have believed it" and "in my day we just read about robots and watched them in movies" - things like that.

My aging back and my aging kids are making me feel quite... aged.

Ed Knippers and the theology of the body

2008-06-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

Some of you may already be quite familiar with the artist who painted the above painting - many of you are probably not familiar with him. Let me introduce you. His name is Edward Knippers and his work touches on several themes, but most notably is the theology of the body. Looking at his work and reading his "artist's statement" on his web site highlights for me once again the confusion that many in the evangelical camp seem to have about the place and importance of our physical bodies. (I am not saying that Knippers is confused - I am saying his work highlights confusion that is all around us).

I believe that much of conservative evangelicalism leans way too heavy toward gnosticism (a belief that places much greater importance upon the spiritual realm than the physical realm - to the point that the physical realm has very little importance at all). One of the teachings that the Apostle Paul consistently battled against was gnosticism. And, while none of us would admit to being gnostic, it seems to show up in the way we talk and act. We shy away from ministries that focus solely on physical needs. We are so afraid of the "social gospel" label. "We preach the gospel", we say. "Feeding the poor is what them dad-gum liberals do".

We emphasize Christ's death and not His resurrection. Even less do we emphasize our own physical resurrection. We emphasize heaven and speak of eternal life in spiritual terms only. We talk and sing about physical death as if it were a good thing - a chance to fly away and be with Jesus. Death is the heartbreaking result of the fall. Death is an awful thing - but it will one day be done away with.

John Buerger - our Pastor of Student Ministries has a great blog post about this issue - here

Well, anyway - Ed Knippers deals with this issue too. Check him out here. Make sure you read his "artist's statement". Warning - the "physicality" of his figures might make you uncomfortable to look at. He definitely prompts conversation and thought.

My aching back

2008-06-25T21:01:00.000-07:00

My back has aged about 20 years over the last 2 weeks. I don't know what has happened to me. I can't stand for more than about 10 minutes without sitting down. (This last weekend I had to preach from a stool. I have been told that preaching from a stool makes me look hip and cool - which is a nice added benefit I suppose - not that I need any help looking hip and cool.) I'd give up the hipness if my back didn't hurt so bad. My lower back feels like it is collapsing under the weight of my torso. The pain continues when I lie down. It just aches. I don't know what I did to it.

The only time it feels ok is when I sit with bad posture - you know - kind of slouching. Supposedly, slouching is bad for your back. Not mine I guess.

Most people have lower back pain - at least that is what I have been told. I guess it is my turn now.

It stinks.

A humbling morning

2008-06-10T12:13:00.000-07:00

My blog page has been fairly quiet because I haven't felt the liberty to share many of the things on my mind. Personal conversations and sensitive ministry issues are not material for blog discussions. Through it all I have been feeling quite introspective and a little sorry for myself.

Within the context of that self-pity, I decided to get out of the office this morning and spend some time with a few folks that I hadn't talked to in a little while. One dear woman is taking care of her husband who cannot take care of himself. Her husband is staying in a nursing home because he is too heavy for her to lift. She comes in every day and feeds him lunch and then when he rests in the afternoon, she goes home and rests. She then comes back in the evening and feeds him supper. Every day. I asked her if she has much opportunity to get together with other ladies - just for fun. Not much.

Another dear man I spent time with also has to be away from his wife quite a bit because of health issues. His Parkinson's disease and cancer have required more care than his wife can handle. But his brain is in great shape. He thinks a lot as he sits... and waits. He shared a poem with me about how blessed he is and how he desires to be a living testimony of the power of Christ.

The third person I spent time with was a woman who was recently moved out of her home and into an apartment within the nursing home here in town. She is getting old. Her kids are scared that she is going to fall. So, now she can no longer do many of the things that she used to love to do. She is in a new environment. Her kids are all far away. Her new apartment does not have a full kitchen with an oven, but the facility where she stays lets her use their oven to bake pies for the homeless shelter. She has made a conscious decision not to complain and to be an encouragement to all around her. I know of no one who is acquainted with this dear woman who does not overflow in praise for one so gracious, loving, kind, generous and joyful. What an amazing woman.

The fourth person I visited was a woman who just recently had knee replacement surgery. She lives by herself, so mobility and independence is very important to her. She was ecstatic that she is now able to walk to the mail box and back with nothing but a cane. She can also take a shower by herself. She was rejoicing and giving glory to God for His gentle care.

I went as their pastor - to be an encouragement. However, it is clear that I needed them in my life today much more than they needed me.

I am discovering that a good prescription for self-pity is to be around godly people who live under much worse circumstances than I do, and are still able to maintain their composure and exude grace and joy. I have so very much to learn.

Thank you Marguerite and Jim and Helen and Lena. You all ministered to me today.

Update May 17

2008-05-17T05:56:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I have written. Here's what's going on with the family.

Emma had her orientation at the middle school. We are going to have two daughters in middle school at the same time. Ready or not, here it comes.

Abby is getting more and more hardware added to her mouth. Now, along with the normal braces she has a pin acting as an anchor between two of the roots of her teeth; she has a bar going along the side of her teeth and a rubber band connecting things together. It looks painful, but she's not complaining too much.

Vacation is coming! Vacation is coming! In two days we will be heading to San Antonio. It's been nearly a year since we have been down there as a family. I have been suffering from vacationitus for the last couple of weeks. We are all looking forward to getting away for a while.

While we are in Texas, Kelly and I will be spending a night and a day in Austin - just the two of us. Austin is where we met and spent the first two years of marriage. We'll eat at great restaurants and stay in a fancy hotel. We are both super excited.

I've started running again - sort of. I am taking it really slow - trying to be gentle on my gimpy knee.

I went to a conference down at DTS a couple of weeks back. It was called "beyond the doors of the church". It was pretty good. Since we are rapidly turning into a "post-Christian" culture, the church in America will increasingly need to learn how to view and interact with culture the way missionaries interact with theirs. It sounds like an obvious statement to say that the church needs to see itself as group of missionaries to the culture in which they live. Most churches are far from that reality, however.

I finished The Lord of the Rings with Abby. She loved it. Her and I then watched The Fellowship of the Ring movie (the long version). She loved that too - pretty intense though. I think she is going to wait a while until she sees The Two Towers. Now I am reading through the Chronicles of Narnia with Emma. We are starting with The Magician's Nephew because chronologically, the events of that book predate all the others. We haven't gotten very far into the book - so far so good though. We are both enjoying it a lot.

It's been a glorious spring here in Kansas. It's been a long spring - it has taken a while to jump into summer. Our gardens are looking awesome. Flowers are blooming and the birds are singing.
That's about it.

potty emergencies

2008-04-21T09:12:00.000-07:00

Kelly and I had a great idea yesterday. Our small-group from church was scheduled to meet at our house, but we had one child that was not feeling that great. Being unsure of whether or not Emma was acually sick (and possibly contagious) we decided to move the venue outdoors so that all the other children (and adults) would not be stuck in a house with sick germs.

We had our small-group meet at a park not far from our house. It was a pretty good plan. The kids would be able to play on the playscapes while the adults talked at the picnic tables. Abby and Grace and I went out early and claimed our tables - just in case any other pesky church groups had the same idea. All was going well... until people started asking where the bathrooms were.

We had kind of forgotten about that detail.

We had a whole lotta kids who "had to go potty real bad", but there was nothing close by. Parents had to get into their cars and drive them to restrooms. And, of course, the kids didn't all have to go at the same time. They were all about 15 minutes apart. Some of them had to go more than once. We had quite the rotation of cars coming and going.

Meanwhile - here is "Pastor Greg" trying to lead meaningful discussion about the Christian life among our group. And, my group is so great - so polite. They were nodding at statements, answering questions, participating in conversation. All the while, one by one, they were called away by children who really had to pee.

I am sure it would have looked quite comical to an outside observer. But, no one complained. I think everyone was just happy to be together on a beautiful spring evening. Everyone stayed till well past the kid's bedtimes and it was too dark to see. And, while I certainly won't make the mistake again of taking my group to a place that has no restrooms, I still think the evening went quite well.

Somehow, meeting around picnic tables in a park without restrooms took some of the polish off or our normal meeting times. Usually we meet in a comfortable living room with good lighting and soft music - and adequate restroom facilities. Tonight was very different. It was a good reminder of just how ordinary we all are. And, while we have real and complex issues that need to be talked through with other Christ followers, we nevertheless, live in an ordinary world - a world in which children just can't "hold it" for very long.

Dad, we have to keep reading

2008-04-18T12:19:00.000-07:00

I feel a bit like a blog flunky. I tell my friends and family that I have a blog and then promise to keep it updated with info about me and the family - and then I just sort of... run out of things to say. If you have checked this blog over the last few weeks, thanks. Sorry I have been so lazy.

I did actually write a post on tax day - three days ago. It was a rather negative post, however, because of the amount we owed in taxes. I didn't end up publishing it - which is probably best.

It is now Friday afternoon and I feel much better than I did on tax day. I thought I would write about something much more pleasant.

A couple of months ago I mentioned that I was reading aloud the Lord of the Rings series to my oldest daughter. We are still going at it. She is enjoying the story a lot - I am enjoying the one-on-one time I get to spend with her. It's been great.

I went home for lunch today and read some more. We just finished "book 5" which is in the middle of "The Return of the King". If it has been a while since you have read those books, "book 5" ends with the suicidal assault on Mordor. The last scene has Pippen hearing eagles right before he blacks out because of the troll which just fell on top of him.

Here is the conversation between Abby and me after we finished the chapter.

Abby: Dad, we have to keep reading.
Me: I have to go back to work.
Abby: But... DAD!?
Me: Sweetie, I have to go back to the office.
Abby: Is Pippen dead?
Me: I can't tell you that.
Abby: But, Dad... we have to keep reading.
Me: Abby, I can't.
Abby: What's the next chapter called?
Me: The Tower of Cirith Ungol
Abby: Is it about Frodo?
Me: I can't tell you that.
Abby: DAD!?!

I love it.

A visit to the principal's office

2008-03-28T13:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a first for the Holmes' household. Kelly and I met with the principal of the Hesston public middle school to start the process of enrolling Abby and Emma for this next fall. That's right, our two home schooled kids will be braving the wild and woolly world of jr. high. They will officially enter the ranks of the Mighty Fighting Swathers.

(Those not from this area might be wondering what exactly a "swather" is. Fair question. It's a piece of farm equipment used to make hay bales.)

Yep. That's our mascot.

We had a very good visit with the principal. We also had a chance to meet the school counselor, a few of the teachers, the lunch ladies, and Lilly (the school's Golden Retriever who has free reign to walk the halls and go in and out of classrooms - very cool).

Kelly and I were very encouraged by our visit. I am looking forward to this new chapter in our family's life. Abby and Emma are nervous - which is to be expected - it's all very new. But, I am so proud of them. They are going to do awesome.

Spring, spring - glorious spring

2008-03-26T11:50:00.000-07:00

In one of C.S. Lewis' books (I can't remember which one), he talks about the delicate balance between our need for permanence and our need for change. We each have both of those needs - in differing degrees. As a pastor I deal with people on both ends of the spectrum. Some have a high need for permanence and get very nervous whenever they experience any type of change. Others have a high need for change and feel bored and stagnant whenever things stay the same for too long. But, even those who love permanence don't eat the same food every day. We all need change - at least a little. Even those who love change feel uneasy when the thing being changed is something near and dear to their heart. We all need something secure to count on.

We need all need both change and permanence, but they seem at odds with one another.

The balance between the two is found in... rhythm.

We live in a cycle of rhythm every year in the coming and going of seasons. Every winter I long for spring. I desperately desire the change that spring brings. But is it really change? Every year spring is pretty much the same as the previous year. I know what to expect. I am not longing for something new and different. I am appreciating the cycle of the seasons. The seasons illustrate a permanent cycle of change. Spring feels new and exciting... every year.

Much the same happens within the church. I do not come from a tradition that puts much stock in the formal church calendar. But, even within my tradition we all look forward to singing the same songs at Christmas time, I cry at our Good Friday service... every year. Every time I celebrate Communion it is a little bit different - but for 2,000 years communion has remained very much the same. The Old Testament feasts and festivals illustrate this year by year cycle of change. There is a time for feasting, a time for fasting, a time for weeping, a time for laughing. It is not right to weep all the time. Nor is it right to laugh all the time.

Rhythm walks the line between permanence and change. Rhythm lets me grasp permanence and change at the same time.

I plan on tilling up a vegetable garden this evening when I get home. This weekend I plan on dividing and transplanting some perennials that are already coming up. In a couple of months flowers will be blooming and my family and I will be eating fresh lettuce from our garden. How do I know these things will happen? Because I know that in God's unchanging nature - winter will not last forever. Change is coming. The flowers will bloom. The birds will sing. This night will end. Our unchanging God brings necessary change into our lives.

I love spring.

Release The Cracken

2008-03-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid there was a cheesy movie called Clash of the Titans. Other than the laughable special effects, the only memorable thing from the movie was the line, "release The Cracken". The Cracken is a mythological sea monster held in bondage at the bottom of sea by the Greek gods. The Cracken is a really bad thing.

I feel like The Cracken has been living in our home for about a month now.

Our family has been sick... for a month. We keep passing sicknesses around to each other. I guess that is what families do. We share.

And since it is not yet spring-time, it is still too cold to open the windows and air the place out. It's like we are living in a thermos bottle of germs. I just want to let the wind blow through - get that Cracken out of here.

Well, I thought we were all better. Kelly and the girls headed up the Iowa to see her sister's new baby and catch up with some friends. While at the house of one of our friends, Abby got sick... again.

I am so tired of this.

On a more positive note - perhaps if we export The Cracken to Cedar Rapids it will leave us alone.

Quote of the day - Friday 2/15

2008-02-15T17:23:00.000-08:00

I have been re-reading Under the Unpredictable Plant by Eugene Peterson. This book, along with others by Peterson written specifically to pastors has proven to be great grounding for me. He is within a Christian tradition that is slightly different from the one I occupy or have been raised in. But, he writes of the pastoral vocation with a beauty and honesty that is rare among contemporary authors.

Here is a good quote:

"The Psalms are the school for people learning to pray. Fundamentally, prayer is our response to the God who speaks to us. God's word is always first. He gets the first word in, always. We answer. We come to consciousness in a world addressed by God. We need to learn how to answer, really answer - not merely Yesser, Nosir - our whole being in response. How do we do this? We don't know the language. We are so under-developed in this God-addressed world. We learn well enough how to speak to our parents and pass examinations in our schools and count out the right change at the drugstore, but answering God? Are we going to make do by trial and error? Are we going to get by on what we overhear in the streets? Israel and Church put the Psalms into our hands and say, "Here, this is our text. Practice these prayers so that you learn the full range and the vast depth of your lives in response to God.

For eighteen hundred years virtually every church used this text. Only in the last couple of hundred years has it been discarded [as our prayer guide]...

For there is no lack of the impulse to pray. And there is no scarcity of requests to pray. Desire and demand keep the matter of prayer before us constantly. So why are so many lives prayerless? Simply because "the well is deep and you have nothing to draw with." We need a bucket. We need a container that holds water. Desire and demands are a sieve. We need a vessel suited to lowering desires and demands into the deep Jacob's Well of God's presence and word and bringing them to the surface again. The Psalms are such a bucket. They are not the prayer itself but the most adequate container for prayer that has ever been devised. Refusal to use this psalms-bucket, once we comprehend its function, is willfully wrong-headed. It is not impossible, perhaps, to construct a container of a different shape and material that will serve makeshift. It has certainly been done often enough. But why settle for such as that when we have this magnificently designed and spaciously proportioned container given to us and at hand?"

I am not sure why these paragraphs impact me as hard as they do. I was not raised in a Christian environment that values the past. My Christian tradition proudly proclaims that it has abandoned old Christian traditions. We no longer recite prayers or creeds. Even though nearly two millennia of Christians have used memorized creeds and prayers to develop the spiritual life, we don't do such things anymore. We've moved on. And, granted, I think there is a lot to be said about seeing a relationship with God as individual and unique, free from (empty) ritual and recitations. Ritual and recitations often end up producing empty religion and legalism.

But in our protection of individuality and our drive for personal religious experience, I think we have lost something. We no longer give people the Psalms and say, "study these and learn how to pray." We value individuality too much for that. We tell people to "speak your heart". Which is certainly true to say – God hears our heart – we don’t need fancy language. But, I think it is also true that the Psalms reveal aspects of the heart that we didn't know were there. The Psalms take us deeper.

I guess I am writing all this because I have been feeling pretty "shallow" lately. And I am coming to believe that generations of Christ's followers were probably on to something by seeing the Psalms as their prayer guide.

Without meaning to, I think I have neglected God's tool to take me deeper in my prayer life. God gave me this book in my Bible - for a reason.

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T12:36:00.000-08:00

When you are surrounded by women like I am (with a wife and 3 daughters), you forget Valentine’s Day at your own peril. This is a big day in the Holmes' household - lots of chocolate, lots of flowers, lots of heart shaped cookies with frosting and sprinkles. Fun times.

Because of schedules, however, mine and Kelly's official valentine's dinner won't be until tomorrow. Which is actually fine with me because I will be able to get half price on flowers tomorrow (but don't tell my wife). My two oldest girls will be spending the night with friends. Gracie will be going to bed early and I will be making a gourmet meal for two (at least I hope it will be gourmet).

I am continually amazed that I get to be married to the wife God has given me. I am the most blessed man I know. Truly. God has been so very gracious to me. And my greatest earthly blessing is my beloved Kelly. What an amazing woman. This May we will be celebrating 15 years of marriage. She is more beautiful now than she was then.

To Gracie and Emma and Abby and most of all, to my lovely Kelly - Happy, Happy Valentine's Day.

And the winner is...

2008-02-04T14:22:00.000-08:00

We went to a Superbowl party yesterday. One of the members of my small-group invited the group over to watch the game because they have a really big screen by which to watch such things. I have never seen a screen that big inside someone's home. It was really, really big. It was a good 11 to 12 feet across and 7 to 8 feet tall. I am not kidding.

We were watching the game in style.

I was rooting for the Giants. Not because I care anything about the Giants, but because they were the underdog. I always root for the underdog. It's just the way I am. My only exception to that rule is when U.T. is playing, or the San Antonio Spurs, or the Texas Rangers baseball team. I always root for them. In the case of the Rangers, they are usually the underdog anyway. They are pretty bad.

So, anyway, I was rooting for the Giants, which made for an excellent Superbowl - a real nail-biter.

But, everyone knows that the game is not the only attraction on Superbowl Sunday. There are also commercials.

Every year big companies spend big bucks to hire the biggest advertising agencies to do their best commercials to air on Superbowl Sunday. Usually, the commercials are not nearly worth the hype. Most are utterly forgettable or leave you wondering what product they were trying to sell. Way to go, advertisers.

The best commercial BY FAR was not produced by Nike or Gatorade or Pepsi or Coke, but by the NFL itself. Their spot about Chester Pitts "Mr. Oboe" was just great.

If you didn't see it, you can watch it here http://superad.nfl.com/

Just what I need... another hobby.

2008-01-19T15:14:00.000-08:00

I am not lacking extra curricular activities. In my past I have pursued drawing, painting and ceramics. More recently I have focused my attention on woodworking, gardening and home coffee roasting.

Now I am into bread.

A year or so ago I read Peter Reinharts book The Bread Baker's Apprentice. I was inspired, but overwhelmed. It's definitely the advanced class. And, I knew nothing about making bread. Well, this past Christmas my parents bought us a grain mill (since we are in Kansas, and there is plenty of wheat around here). Kelly also bought me Reinhart's latest book Whole Grain Breads.

I'm diving in.

So far so good. I have mostly been experimenting with sandwich breads (trying to get whole grain bread soft, light and airy).

Today I made a new bread. It's an adaptation of a recipe called "broom bread" (because it has so much fiber it really sweeps you out). It really does have an explosively high fiber content. It has whole wheat, rolled oats, oat bran, and flax seeds. I think a better name would be "super colon blow".

It tastes really good, though. And it looks cool too. Here are a couple of pictures.

Next time you visit I'll give you some.

"Too bad the rules don't allow me to be merciful"

2008-01-17T12:55:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday I used yet another movie for an illustration in the message I was giving. I think that the story of Les Miserables is one of the most poignant and dramatic that I have ever come across. I have seen the live performance twice. I have seen the most recent movie (the one with Liam Neeson) multiple times. I have been told that previous versions of the movie are even better. I don't know. I haven't seen them. Someday I will muster my courage to read Victor Hugo's tome by the same title. Maybe someday.

There are so many themes touched upon in this story - it would be impractical to recount them all here. At it's heart it is a story of redemption, law and grace. Grace as portrayed by Jean Valjean, an ex-convict who is shown extraordinary, life changing grace at the beginning of the story. Law as portrayed by Javert, a police lieutenant who has spent his entire life "trying to never break a single rule."

As the story progresses, the one who has been shown mercy and grace bestows grace upon others. The one who lives under law shows no mercy and needs none for himself. Nor will he accept grace once it is offered. Grace is out of keeping with a man of justice.

But, throughout the story grace can't prevail. Valjean is hunted. There is still a price to pay. The law requires it. Good intentions cannot overcome the requirement of the law. And the law is good and right and just. Only by one final act of self-sacrifice - under the law - by the one who keeps the law - can the law be satisfied and grace truly prevail. Only then can there be freedom.

Wow. That'll preach.

If you haven't seen it, see it. There are multiple movie versions. I am sure there is still a traveling group somewhere still performing the musical. It's well worth the price of admission - or at least a dvd rental.

A restless present

2008-01-08T08:58:00.000-08:00

I was reading Philip Yancey's book Reaching for the Invisible God the other day when I came across this sentence, "Strong memories soothe a restless present". It stopped me. I stared at that sentence - and stared at it. It was what I needed.

In the chapter I was reading, Yancey had been talking about what it means to walk in faith in our present circumstances. Sadly, it seems that much of the time, the lives we actually experience appear to betray our notions of what the Christian life is "supposed" to be. We believe in a God who is powerful, and who loves us and who intervenes in the affairs of men and who answers prayer and delights in blessing us. That's what we believe - a personal, intimate, powerful, loving God who is actively involved in our lives. We also have assumptions of what a life like that is supposed to look like - supposed to feel like. But we all go through times when one (or many) of those characteristics of a relationship with God seem seem to be absent - or just plain false. Times when God seems neither powerful nor loving. Times when He seems to be in no particular hurry to answer prayer or be involved at all.

What does it mean to walk by faith in those times? How is faith maintained?

Yancey argues that a key to walking by faith in the present is the ability to hold onto the past and the future at the same time. To lift our eyes from our current life and gaze at the life to come and also to look back at God's faithfulness and intervention in the past. We see His involvement and his faithfulness to his promises much easier when we look at broad brush strokes over long periods of time. We have to have these types of bird's eye views on our life or else we'll go crazy. Our circumstances will draw us away from what we know and believe about God. We'll believe the lie that our present circumstances teach us.

To a large degree, faith is the ability to trust in the goodness of God even when all the circumstances of our life seem to argue against it.

I know what it feels like to go through long stretches of silence - when God seems to have forgotten my address - times when a relationship with Him does not at all feel like I thought it would feel. I know what that's like.

And I imagine that anyone who might be reading this blog also knows what it is like. Yancey's statement is a good reminder to lift our eyes - to take a deep breath and gaze far into the future and into the past - to see that our present circumstances are not the complete story. There is more to life than meets the eye.

Don't be fooled. God still loves you. He is still in control. He is still listening. He still deserves our trust.

Hang in there.

a new Bible for a new year

2007-12-31T12:58:00.000-08:00

I love new Bibles.

When I study my Bible I usually do so with a pen in hand. I am not one of those who abstains from writing in their Bible. I write all over mine. It helps me study. I feel like I am more engaged with the text when I can underline and circle and make arrows and write notes in the margin. I am not one of those, however, who likes to read my old notes and observations.

The Bible really is living and active. I am impacted by different things at different times. What impacted me a year ago might not be what impacts me today.

I like starting with clean pages.

I read several years ago how Billy Graham used to go through a Bible a year. He would write all over his Bibles and completely use them up. Then, he would give them to his kids and grand kids. I thought that sounded so great. So, a few years ago I endeavored to do the same thing as Billy. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep up with his pace. But, I am ready now for a new Bible.

My Bible has been pretty well filled up for the last few months. Not a lot of clean left. But, getting a new Bible is not as easy as it sounds. I have been wanting one with a cool cover - you know, the ones with the two-toned look and the great feeling leather. The problem is, I have only been able to find those cool covers on KJV, NIV and NLT translations. Those are all great translations, but I prefer the New American Standard (NASB). I think that the NASB people must be pretty boring because while you could get NIV Bibles with Gator skin covers and stainless steel - stuff like that - all you could find for NASB was the same old "Bonded Leather" in burgundy or black. Which is fine... don't get me wrong. It's just not very, you know... cool.

All that changed today. I found a great new Bible. It's NASB with Italian two-toned leather (black and coach brown). It feels so good in your hand -you just want to hold it - which is a great thing for a Bible.

I feel like it's a great challenge to start a new Bible. All those clean pages. I am looking forward to my meeting times with God on the pages of that book. I hope also - that you as well will enjoy great meeting times with God in 2008. May He bless you richly with His Word.

Happy New Year.

Desperate Times

2007-12-19T08:31:00.000-08:00

We have a single dad neighbor across the street. He has two kids. We love them all; it has been great to get to know them. Last night, the dad calls me at about 10:30pm and asks, "Um... would you happen to have 13 packets of hot cocoa mix?" I don't think I have ever been asked that question before. His son had just informed him that he was responsible for providing hot cocoa for his whole class - some Christmas shindig. I told him that unfortunately, we did not have 13 packets, but we did have half a family sized "Swiss Miss" can. He said, "Well... um... could I... let's see, what's the word?" "Have it?", I said. "Yeah, that's it".

Desperate times.

This morning our pastor of Students ministries has been out preparing for some big youth Christmas thing tonight. He called me and asked, "Um... would you or your family happen to have an elf suit?"

I don't think I have ever been asked that question either.

I told him that when the government came and collected every one's elf suits, we had to give ours up. It was old and well used anyway - he probably wouldn't have liked it.

Desperate times call for desperate questions.

Tis the season, I guess.

Oh Christmas Tree

2007-12-10T17:27:00.000-08:00

We have a tradition in the Holmes household. We cut down our own Christmas tree which we decorate while listening to Christmas music and feasting on Chinese takeout. It's the same every year. My middle daughter has informed me that it is her favorite part of Christmas.

Picking out a good tree from a Christmas tree farm is kind of an art. If you are too picky you can easily find yourself 200 yards away from the truck once you find the perfect tree. That smug grin of satisfaction can quickly be replaced with, "What was I thinking?" on the long journey back. Nevertheless, it is a fun tradition that my girls look forward to every year.

Well, yesterday was the big Christmas tree day for us, and I have to tell ya - it was a bit of a let down. Christmas tree farms are becoming more and more rare, we are coming to find out. The one that we have gone to for the last 2 years is no longer selling trees. The state will now be using that land to widen a highway. It's too bad because it was really the only decent tree farm around here.

So... we went to Wal Mart.

Which is totally not the same.

All the trees were still wrapped up. Have you ever seen those trucks hauling Christmas trees - and they are all wrapped up tight? They look like closed patio umbrellas. It's kind of hard to pick out a good one.

They were all short, too - which was disappointing.

So, we bought one of those trees and brought it home. I cut the rope which was binding it tight, and... nothing happened. It stayed in the same shape. I brought it inside and stuck it in the tree stand. It was really sad. The widest part of the tree was about 12 inches in diameter. No kidding. "I think we are going to have too many ornaments" one of my daughters tells me.

It took a while for the tree to plump up. It looks ok now. It's a little short for our taste - but it's not too bad.

The Chinese food was excellent, though. So, all was not lost.

Back, back, way back

2007-11-25T19:12:00.000-08:00

For the month of December, I am going to preach a series on the incarnation of the Son of God.

We all love Christmas. Many of us remember that Christmas is about the incarnation of Christ. Some of us even have a nativity scene set up in our home to help us remember the reason for this season. But even in Christian circles I think few of us ever grasp the magnitude of what we are celebrating.

A correct understanding of the doctrine of the incarnation is really important. It matters that Jesus was fully human and not just filling a human shell. It matters that the divine nature of Jesus was not created, but was sent forth from the Father - that the second person of the Trinity is fully God. Theologically, these things matter... a lot. These are biggies. And as confusing as it is to reconcile the divine and human nature of Christ - I think we need to be confused... and amazed... and awestruck if we are going to celebrate Christmas well. That's my goal with this series.

It's quite a daunting challenge, and I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.

So, I've been doing a lot of reading lately on the topic and I've found renewed encouragement and council from companions that I too often forget about - really old books.

If we define the church as all those "in Christ" from Pentecost to Rapture, then we are to see all believers (living or dead) as part of "The Body" - with something to contribute. Sadly, we often fall into a rut (I know I have at times) of leaning solely on contemporaries - of assuming that newer is better. We miss a whole lot when we do that. I read the old guys in seminary, but sadly, I don't blow the dust off those old books too much any more.

The truth is, however, there have been some major theological battles fought at different times in the history of the church. In fact, most of the major theological battles have already been fought. What's the old saying? - Those who forget their past are doomed to repeat it. That happens all the time in the church. When that Jehovah's Witness comes to our door, we can realize that their arguments are just a re-packaging of Arianism which was condemned at Council of Nicaea nearly 1700 years ago. It gives you a great sense of comfort to know that you have 1700 years of orthodoxy on your side.

Which brings me back to my series on the incarnation. The deity and humanity of Christ was the big topic at the council of Nicaea in 325a.d. The results of Nicaea were later re-affirmed at the Council of Constantinople in 381a.d. These were really smart guys, led by the Spirit and seeking God's mind on important theological matters.

Well, the big gun at Nicaea who also led the fight against Arianism during the 60 years between Nicaea and Constantinople was a man by the name of Athanasius. His work, On the Incarnation has remained perhaps the most authoritative work on the incarnation for 16 centuries (and counting).

So, I am going back - reading some of the old guys. To be quite honest, it's making me feel dumb. With all our technological advances, I think humanity is getting stupider, not smarter. Man, these guys were smart.

I had higher hopes of doing the doctrine of the incarnation justice before I began to re-read Athanasius. I am feeling a bit small at the moment.

We'll see how it goes.

By the way - if you want to read On the Incarnation, there are multiple places online where you can read it or download it for free. It's public domain. Here's a link to a good translation with an introduction by C.S. Lewis. http://www.spurgeon.org/~phil/history/ath-inc.htm

bella

2007-11-24T10:18:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I heard about a new movie coming out called "bella". Within the email network of the Christian sub-culture, "bella" was creating quite a buzz. As an independent film it won the "People's Choice Award" at the Toronto Film festival - along with several other awards. I went to the web site and saw the promotional videos and interviews with the filmmakers. I was quite impressed and eager to see the movie. (Go to http://www.bellamoviesite.com/site/# and watch the videos to learn more.)

The problem is - it's an independent film with limited release, and we live in the middle of Kansas. It would be a four-hour trip to Kansas City to see it. We just assumed we would have to wait till it came out on DVD.

Well, last week I got an email from a colleague that a theater in Wichita was going to show the movie for two days (and perhaps longer if there was a good showing). I am sure there has been quite a lot of emailing and word-of-mouth publicity because without any promotion in the Wichita area, Kelly and I saw it yesterday - in the middle of the day - at a nearly packed house.

What a great movie.

I don't want to give away any of the story, so I'll be slight on details.

The movie deals with a complex and heart wrenching topic, but it does so with sensitivity, artfulness, and simplicity. It is a fairly slow and quiet film - so keep that in mind if you go and see it (we could hear the "booms" and feel the rumble of "Beowulf" showing in the theater next door). But, even without action sequences or "star power" of a major release, I found "bella" to be gripping and profound. After the movie, Kelly went to the restroom and cried. I left the theater saying, "Wow. That was really good."

At its heart it is a story of redemption with very real characters in a very real city.

I also love the non-stereotypical portrayal of many of the Mexican-American main characters. I can't imagine anyone not admiring Jose's family and secretly wishing that all families were more like his. The characters are complex and heroic and all together likable.

Like still waters that run deep, the themes of this quiet film touch at the heart of human issues. In all of our lives, themes like law, grace, love, forgiveness, the sanctity of life, the value of family, guilt, and redemption all have their day. They have their day in this film as well.

I am not sure what else to say without giving away too much or sounding too much like a movie critic. If it is showing in your area go and see it. I think you will like it.

Family movie night

2007-11-16T20:03:00.000-08:00

As part of their school work, my daughters just read a biography of Eric Liddell. (In case you have forgotten, Eric Liddell was the Scottish runner who refused to run in a qualifying 100 meter race in the 1924 Olympics because it was held on a Sunday. This was the pivotal event in the 1981 movie Chariots of Fire. Eric later became a missionary to China.)

My girls enjoyed learning about Eric Liddell and were excited with the prospect of watching Chariots of Fire when they were done.

Now, Chariots of Fire is one of my all-time favorite movies (for reasons I will share in just a moment). But the first time I saw it (at age 10), I thought it was hopelessly boring. In my 10 year old mind, the whole movie was... talking in an English accent, running, talking in an English accent, running, talking in an English accent... the end.

I was afraid they might not like it.

Abby and Emma were good sports about the whole thing. They had heard me talk about how much I liked it. I think they were more excited before they saw the movie than afterwards. I think it is safe to say that Chariots of Fire is not their favorite movie in the world. Oh, well.

Here's why I like it:

I love the comparison between Harold Abrahams and Eric Liddell. They are both world-class runners who both win gold. But Harold runs for himself and Eric runs for the glory of God.

Harold's identity is swallowed by his need to win. Eric's identity is in Christ.

Since Eric's worth as a person is not determined by whether he wins or loses, he can afford to greet his fellow runners, be kind to them and wish them the best of luck. Harold cannot afford such fraternization.

Before his gold-medal race Harold realizes his fear of winning gold. If he wins at the highest level, what then will he do for the rest of his life? Indeed - he wins but does not celebrate.

Eric does celebrate. He can see the proper place that running should have in his life.

What a great movie - great acting, great characters, great storyline, great music.

The best quote of the movie is when Eric is talking to his sister Jenny about her concerns that all this running would distract him from becoming a missionary to China. Eric tells her, "I believe God made me for a purpose... for China. But, he also made me fast. And when I run I can feel his pleasure. For me not to run would be to hold this gift in contempt."

What a wonderful quote for all of us with our own unique, quirky and individual gifts and talents granted to us by our loving Creator. To not do our best with what we have been given is to hold our gift (and the gift giver) in contempt.

So, Eric runs. He wins a gold medal. He uses his fame to further the Kingdom as best he can. And then he goes to China where he spends the rest of his days making disciples of Christ among unreached people.

That's a life well lived.

It's also a very good movie. At least I think so.

Homemade

2007-11-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

In a Walmart culture and a global economy - you can buy just about anything you want. I am a big fan of really good coffee, and I have a lot of choices to choose from. How many gourmet coffees can I get by taking a short drive to the store or making a few clicks on my web browser? And yet, I insist on roasting my own. Why is that?

Here is my arsenal of coffee roasting popcorn poppers in my garage. It looks like something from "The Red Green Show".

I also build my own furniture. If I were to compare the price of furniture in the store to my cost of materials and then figure in my time, I would have to conclude that my time is... not worth very much. If I were to pay myself minimum wage to build furniture, there is no way I could build anything as inexpensive as they sell at "Oak Express" or "Target". I am just too slow. Yet I still do it.

Here is the headboard of the new bed I am building. I have been working on it since spring.

I could say that it is all about "quality", and certainly quality has something to do with it. But I don't think quality is the only issue. We tend to admire people who have enough money to eat out all the time - but we also think it strange if people don't know how to cook their own meals. We value competency and the ability to do things on our own - even in a consumer culture. We like to be able to do things ourselves.

All around me I see a driving desire for things homemade. My wife knits hats and scarfs and mittens for our family even though it takes her hours and even though she could buy hats and scarfs and mittens at Walmart for less money than she spends on yarn.

Kelly and my two oldest daughters just sewed their own pillow cases. My 9 year old daughter just made a sweater. My sister-in-law knits much of her own clothes. She even knits dolls and toys for her nieces.

My father-in-law makes his own computers. (I really do think he could make a computer with nothing more than chicken wire, a car battery, duct tape, a coke bottle, chewing gum, an old sock, and spit - just like MacGyver. He's amazing.)

My brother brews his own beer.

I think that deep down we all love to create things. And I think the reason is because we were created in the image of our Creator. It's wired into us. We love to create a gourmet meal, a new article of clothing, a stylishly decorated home, a successful business, a piece of furniture, a song, a painting... something.

Even if we had enough money to buy whatever we wanted, I think we would still feel the need to do something ourselves - to make something. We want to contribute to our lives or the lives of others. Perhaps that is part of what it means to be human.

Another journey through The Lord of the Rings

2007-10-23T14:22:00.000-07:00

For several years now my daughters didn't seem to age much. They were children. They would get taller and taller and more articulate, but they remained children. That seems to have changed overnight. I look at my two oldest daughters and think, "Did I miss something? When did this happen?" They are turning into young ladies - by the hour. I am exceedingly proud of them, but a little stressed out too. It's all happening so fast.

Well, Abby, my oldest (age 11) loves action stories, sports, science, space, and adventure. She has read the complete Chronicles of Narnia multiple times. She has been waiting patiently to get the "ok" from mom and dad to read The Lord of the Rings.

As you can see from my list of "Notable Favorite" books on the side panel of this blog, The Lord of the Rings is one of my faves.

Now, I realize that there are some Christians offended by the magical qualities of The Lord of the Rings - and I can understand that. But, it is such a wonderful story with such wonderful themes running through it - themes like sacrifice, courage, sin, good, evil, redemption, friendship and forgiveness. I love the picture of sin as portrayed by the ring. If you try to possess the ring it will end up possessing you. I love the picture of "burden bearing" as pictured through Frodo. Frodo has a burden that he alone must bear, but he is utterly helpless without his friends. They can encourage him, protect him, guide him, and take care of him but ultimately they cannot bear his burden for him. What a great picture of what Christian community is supposed to be as we help to carry one another's burdens. We cannot take the burden away, but we can encourage and protect and take care of one another so that we are not crushed by the burdens we bear.

Good stuff.

There are a whole lot of wonderful themes running through this story. Plus, there are some really good battle scenes.

So anyway, I decided that Abby was old enough to appreciate The Lord of the Rings. But, I wanted to experience it with her so we could talk through some of the issues. So, I decided to read it out loud to her. We are not very far into the first book, but it's been great - absolutely great.

I am sure there will be a day in the very near future when she won't be that excited to get into her p.j's and listen to dad read an exciting story. But, right now, she thinks it's pretty cool.

And so do I.

Common Grace

2007-10-11T18:56:00.000-07:00

I had one of those "stopping to smell the roses" moments after work today.

We have gardens that Kelly and I have planted all around our house. Today I took the time to stroll around the house and look at the flowers. One part of the garden was swarming with Monarch Butterflies. It was really quite spectacular.

Here are a couple of pictures that I took.

Before I walked out there, this beautiful scene was already being played out - for no one's enjoyment except God alone. I was able to enjoy it for a few short minutes. Then I went back inside. The butterflies continued their display out in the garden.

It's common grace.

God creates beauty and scenes of wonder simply because he is good, and as Annie Dillard says, "The creator likes pizazz". Whether humans take the time to notice it or not, the beauty is there. And, it's there for everybody - the sinner and the saint - the pagan and the pious. It's there for whoever will take the time to notice it. Anybody could have walked up and enjoyed the beauty in that garden today. His beauty as displayed in creation is a common grace.

I am glad I wasn't so dull today that I missed his gift outside my own back door.

Jesus on the offensive

2007-10-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday made me woozy. I still haven't quite recovered.

I am teaching through Luke. Last Sunday I was in Luke 11:37-54. These are perhaps the harshest words that Jesus speaks to anyone - anywhere in the gospels. While having a meal at a Pharisee's house with both Pharisees and scribes present, Jesus goes "gloves off" to the religious authorities of his day. It is blistering.

An interesting thing about this passage is that Jesus is not rebuking them for rejecting Him (which eventually they would do). He is rebuking them for things like: hypocrisy; having a polished external religion that betrays the sin in their heart; for creating a religion that majors on the minors and ignores what's most important; for seeking status; for burdening people with unnecessary rules that actually draw people away from a pure relationship with God; for wrongly thinking that they are the orthodox ones in line with the prophets of old (when in actuality they were cut from the same cloth as those who killed the prophets).

Those descriptions that brought about the harsh rebuke from Jesus - I am ashamed to say - are present in my own life much more often than I would care to admit. And, I am embarrassed to say, the Christian community is rampant with this stuff. We spend a lot of effort polishing an external facade - making ourselves look more spiritual than we really are. We are all too often guilty of majoring on the minors while ignoring things that really matter, things like loving God and loving people, grace toward sinners, justice for the oppressed, mercy for those in need. We have turned a relationship with God into a definable religion that has a certain look to it (certain way of dressing, acting, talking, etc.) - but often times does not share the same heart of Christ for those who are lost, sin sick, in need, physically hungry, scared, lonely, and hurting. Are we not just as guilty of looking the part but lacking the heart?

It makes me wonder. Who in today's society would receive the harshest words from Jesus?

There are many in the Christian community that think we are in a "culture war". We are warring against immoral media, liberal politicians and activist judges. You will hear many harsh words from the Christian camp against those who threaten to take our nation away from its "Judeo/Christian" roots. But, are those the types of people that received the harshest words from Jesus in his day? Did he pull out the big guns against Roman authorities? Were his harshest words against those who led a public lifestyle of sin like immoral prostitutes or thieving tax collectors? Did he fight political battles in an attempt to moralize a pagan culture? Jesus was in a war alright, but it wasn't against the culture he lived in - His war was against the Devil. He did not see people as the enemy. He saw them as hostages in a Spiritual battle.

His harshest words were not for the hostages. Nor were his harshest words directed toward the pagan, awful culture that those blind hostages created. His harshest words were for those who claimed they could see - for those who claimed to know the truth - for those who were supposed to be the rescue swimmers for the lost and drowning. They were supposed to be representing Him.

So, here is the question again - who in our day would receive the harshest words from Jesus?

Like I said, this sermon made me woozy.

I hope people come back this Sunday.

the latest big thing in the Holmes' household

2007-09-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

My two oldest daughters have always shared a room. They are only a year and a half apart. And, since we have not lived in very big houses - having them share a room has always made the best sense. All that changed on Monday.

We have have begun a new chapter in our household. In the lives of my daughters, this is a REALLY BIG DEAL. They now each have their own room.

It is becoming quite evident that my girls are very different from each other. With each year that passes their interests are seeming to get more and more divergent. It's almost like they are they are totally different people. It's strange. And while I genuinely think they love each other - they don't always want to be in the same room with each other. So - recently they began lobbying hard for their own space.

I was the toughest sell on the idea, for two reasons. Reason 1 - I tend to think it's healthy for them to have to work things out and be forced to live together. Good life training - know what I mean? But, then again, I never had to share a room with anybody when I was growing up. So what do I know? Reason 2 -while I know it's selfish, I didn't want to give up our guest room/home office space. Now our home office stuff has to be put somewhere else in the house - making our house feel even more smallish.

Oh well - we'll live.

In the end I was convinced that making the move was a good idea. Now, two days after the move I am even more convinced. Their personalities are blossoming - even in how they choose to decorate their space.

My prayer is that they won't grow apart from each other and become distant. I hope this will help them get along if they are not in each other's face all time. If we see them becoming more and more distant from each other, we may have to make yet another change. We'll see.

Boy, this parenting thing is tough. We are told in Proverbs to train up our children in the way they should go. Too bad there is not a one size fits all approach that works for every child and every family as to how to go about doing that. It's clear that "the way a child should go" is more than just moral standards. "The way a child should go" has a lot to do with the way a child is wired by their creator. Within the constraints of clear moral behavior there are a lot of different paths to choose - a lot of different personalities, a lot of different interests. One of the roles of a parent is to help that child navigate and find the best possible path for them - the path of greatest kingdom impact - that path that will best use the strengths and talents and gifts that their creator has given them.

And, to do all that while trying to maintain a relatively peaceful household.

I'll say it again - this parenting thing is really tough. It takes an incredible amount of discernment, and agility, and emotional flexibility, and humility, and strength, and communication, and love, and patience. and... Any author or speaker who boils good parenting down to a handful of steps is lying to himself and doing a disservice to his audience.

I realize that in the grand scheme of things, deciding to give the girls their own room is a relatively small decision. There have been much bigger decisions we have faced - and I know there are much, much, much bigger decisions we will make in the future. But, this week, the room thing is the decision at hand.

A year ago I would have said, "Abby and Emma will share a room until they go to college". And I could have clearly explained why. But, I am learning that sometimes it is not healthy to "stick to your guns". Sometimes it is better to take a dynamic approach to parenting that requires a reassessment at each new season. Sometimes what is required is humility, and flexibility, and maybe even a change of course.

big fear #3

2007-09-22T19:27:00.000-07:00

Here to round out my top three fears in my phobia theme.

The fear of failure.

This one is the hardest for me to write about. There are very few areas of my life that are not touched by this fear. The fear of failure has gone a long way in shaping who I am - I am sorry to say.

I loved sports growing up. But, by the time I was a senior in high school, I didn’t go out for any sport. Why? - because, while I was a pretty good athlete as a 13 year old, I was a mediocre athlete as a 17 year old. And, because when you are a senior there is no JV to fall back on. You either make varsity or you get cut. There was a very real chance I would get cut as a senior. So what did I do? I quit before I gave the coaches a chance. Not one of my prouder moments.

What’s even more embarrassing is how often this fear of failure pops up in my relationship with God. And I should know better. Christianity is so wonderful precisely because it is not a merit based system where success and failure are determined by our behavior. My standing before God; my acceptance in his family; my eternal security… has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with the righteousness of another. Our obedience – our Christian life is not to be some lame attempt to avoid failure in something we could have never been successful at in the first place. Jesus has purchased our success. Our victory and our hope are in him – and him alone. We need never fear that we might lose God’s favor or his love toward those who are in Christ. That’s what I preach at least; that’s what I tell others when they come into my office for counseling; that’s what I believe – really and truly.

But, believing that and remembering it day by day are two very different things. Grace seems so foreign to me at times – so contrary to my nature. I keep having to tell myself that grace is true. But… it just seems too good to be true.

In my weaker moments I tend to imagine God shaking his head toward me, “What a disappointment you are, Greg. You had such potential – I had such high hopes in you. You were going to do such great things for the Kingdom. Look at you. You are a failure.”

I wonder how much of my obedience, how much of my ministry is prompted not out of love and gratitude for the one who loved me first – but out of fear that I might actually hear those words from God.

It’s kind of sad isn’t it? Living in fear that the God of the universe who loves me so much that he would give his only son in my behalf, would get fed up with me because I didn’t have a quiet-time today. It doesn’t make much sense does it?

I realize how silly it is. But, it’s hard to teach a stubborn soul new grace. God is still working on me. I still have a long way to go.

There is one who wants me to feel like a failure. But, it isn’t God.

New and Improved

2007-09-20T16:18:00.000-07:00

I have tried to freshen up the look of my blog. I hope you like it.

I have added something new. If you scroll down the sidebar you will see a "currently reading" and "recently read" list of books. If you would like to add your two bits about any of those books - I welcome your comments. Some of those books are not necessarily books I would recommend (for one reason or another), but I always think that knowing what people are reading helps in getting to know them.

If you have any books that you highly recommend, I would love to hear about them.

I also hope that by giving a list of "currently reading" books I will feel that much more pressure to actually finish them. I have this problem, see. I love books, but I tend to think that most books are too long. This is especially true for books that would fall under the "Christian Living" title at the Christian book store. I can usually enthusiastically get through the first half of a book in a day or two - but then it takes me months to finish. I tend to think that most non-fiction books could pretty well end by chapter 5 or 6 and save everybody a lot of time. So, I start a book - get tired of it and then start another. Hopefully I can move some of those books into the "recently read" column soon.

Espresso saga

2007-09-12T14:04:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago our espresso machine died. I don't know what's wrong with it. And I am not the most mechanical of men - not really one to take a something apart and fix it. So, I am not quite sure how to find out the problem. I cleaned it real good. Descaled it and all. But, alas... nothing. I talked to the tech people over the phone and they told me it was out of warranty. Of course. They were not much help. They told me it could be this one thing... but, then again it might not. And, the part that might fix the machine is on back order for a few weeks. Lovely.

I know that the responsible thing for me to do is to wait patiently for the part to come in and see if it does the job. That would the reasonable thing to do. What I have actually been doing is waiting rather impatiently and searching the Internet to find a good deal on a better espresso machine... an upgrade. Nothing so far. The machine I had was already pretty nice. An upgrade would cost lots of $. I can't really justify it. We only do a couple of espressos per day.

So, I am trying something new - a stove top espresso maker. I picked one up at a discount store last night. It was super cheap - not much of a loss if it turns out to be a dud. I have always been a bit leery about stove top espresso makers. I am a bit fuzzy on the physics of the whole thing. (But, in all honesty, it doesn't take much to make me fuzzy about the physics of anything.)

And, I read somewhere that stove top espresso machines are what real Italians use in thier homes. I have always wanted to be like a real Italian.

We tried it out this afternoon. Not bad. Not bad. It would probably be more accurate to call it really, really strong coffee instead of espresso since there is no crema on the top (that dense foam on the top of properly extracted espresso). But the flavor was good. I think it should make good "iced Americanos" (which is our favorite summertime drink).

So, I think we may have found a substitute until our machine gets fixed.

It's a good day.

I once was blind - part 2

2007-09-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been exactly one week since my fancy schmancy laser eye surgery. So far, so good. I went back to the doctor this morning and I am seeing most of the letters on the 20/20 line and a few letters on the 20/15 line. It's incredible. I keep having to remind myself that I am not looking through glasses or contacts - these are my real eyes.

I have been singing a lot of "I can see clearly now the rain is gone... I can see all obstacles in my way..." You know that song? - the "bright, bright, sunshiny day" song? My children think it is quite embarrassing.

burning eyeball

2007-09-06T20:10:00.000-07:00

Ok - now I'm feeling a bit of guilt. On my last post I talked about how during my laser eye surgery I could smell my eye burning. Well, I went back to the doctor this morning for my post-op check and I mentioned how disconcerting it was to smell the burning tissue. She chuckled and said everyone thinks that smell is their eye burning - but it's not. It's actually burning ozone. What does that mean?

I like my story better.

I think I am going to stick to my version. Never let the truth stand in the way of a good story.

I once was blind

2007-09-05T15:52:00.000-07:00

I am writing from vacation. I had my big laser surgery this morning. It has been quite a couple of days.

Yesterday I went down for my pre-op exam for the doctors to determine just what needed to be done with my eyes. They told me to prepare myself for 2 hours of tests. They were looking at me for over 4 hours. I was seen by a technician and 3 doctors. Evidently I have really, really bad eyes. The quote of the day came from the technician who was getting a preliminary reading on my prescription. A machine would look into my eye and get a ballpark estimate of what my prescription would be. Once the machine was done and then indicated to the technician what my prescription was - her only response was, "wow" - quote of the day. I am not sure what these numbers mean, but the doctors tell me that I am at a negative 10 in one eye and a negative 13 in the other. People who know what those numbers mean all tell me the same thing, "wow, that's really bad."

My eyes are so bad in fact that they are almost too bad for laser surgery - I found out yesterday. With the amount of fixing that my eyes require combined with what the doctor called "a cornea that is a bit flatter than I would like", there is the outside chance that I will forever have a bit of a glow around light and edges - especially at night. He told me that he could get my vision down to where I could see the letters (in the 20/20 range) but that the edges might not be as "crisp" as you would like. I told him that my eyes have been so bad my whole life - I have never seen "crisp". I am a bit unsure as to what "crisp" actually looks like. We went ahead with the surgery.

I know several people that have had this surgery. They all tell me it is quick and painless - piece of cake - nothin' at all. Maybe I am just wimpy - or maybe there was a little more involved with my eyes than most, I don't know. But, when I left I said, "well, it wasn't too bad - but it sure wasn't nothin." After the flap is cut and peeled back and the then the laser starts working on the inside of the eye - making the corrections - it evidently takes about 30 seconds or so (for most people for the laser to the do the job). Mine took well over a minute for each eye. And there was a pretty strong burning smell. And that burning was... you guessed it - burning eyeball. It is a rather disconcerting smell actually. All the while the doctor is holding your head and saying, "don't move, don't move, don't move..."

After the surgery the doctor was very pleased with how it went. I could already tell, just minutes after the surgery that I was seeing sooo much better. He gave me a sleeping pill and then sent me home to take a nap. My vision is supposed to get better and better with each day over the coming days and weeks. I am already impressed that even today - just 7 hours after the surgery, I can see well enough to write this blog post without glasses or anything.

This is amazing.

Big fear #2

2007-08-29T08:24:00.000-07:00

Continuing with my phobia theme.

Here is my big fear #2 - Missing out. I have this pretty significant fear that I am going to come to the end and realize that I missed it - that I missed the big opportunities, took a wrong turn, found myself a long way down the wrong road. But when I say I fear missing key opportunities, I am not talking about financial/investment/business/career opportunities. I think a lot of people fear missing their big chance to become successful and/or rich. I honestly don't have that fear - at least not too much. Partly that is because I am so completely inept when it comes to business and money. There is no way I would be able to tell the difference between a good business opportunity and a bad one - a good investment from a bad one. No way. If I feared missing my big chance to make money, I would be a basket case.

When I talk about opportunities, I am talking about ministry opportunities - opportunities to expand the kingdom - throw deep - make a difference.

I am of the belief that God's will for my life has much more to do with the type of person I am than the place that I am living or the job I am doing or whether or not I turn right or left today. I think that within the will of God we have a tremendous amount of freedom to pursue our passions, make decisions, pick a path. I don't fear missing God's will for my life. His will for me is plainly stated in Scripture. If you or I are trusting Christ and desiring to follow Him and be more like Him, it would be more difficult to be outside of His will than it would be to stay in it.

But, the decisions that we have freedom to make have real consequences. How many ministry opportunities am I faced with daily? I don't know. How many opportunities come and go unnoticed because I was in my own little world - thinking about something else? What would have happened had I made that phone call, engaged in that situation when I had the time, turned right instead of left? Who knows. Again, I don't fear that by turning left and not right I am somehow outside of God's will for my life. But, choosing one path necessarily means not choosing all the others. And, oftentimes, different paths go different directions.

I fear coming to the end and realizing that I missed a more adventurous path - a path of greater kingdom impact. Instead, I chose... not a sinful path - not a path outside of God's will - just... an easier path. A path with less rewards, less impact - a path of lesser resistance. I have a keen understanding that I only get one shot at this thing called life. I have the fleeting opportunity to magnify the glory of God in my flesh in the few short years I am here.

I don't want to miss it.

I really, really don't want to miss it.

Fears

2007-08-28T14:26:00.000-07:00

I was talking to John (our new pastor of student ministries) the other day about blogs and whatnot. He thought it would be cool to have a section or theme on a blog just concerning phobias. John has some pretty cool phobias - up near the top are tornadoes. He is deathly afraid of tornadoes - which is actually quite understandable to be deathly afraid of something that could in fact kill you. But, in order to deal with his phobia - he decided to face it head on. He became a storm chaser. Isn't that great!? If I had a real and genuine phobia of tornadoes I would not become a storm chaser, and I certainly wouldn't be living in Kansas. I guess I am just a wimp.

So, to steal from John's idea, here are my top phobias. (Actually, I will probably just write about one now. I'll write about others in future posts.)

Phobia #1 - Water. This is without question at the top of the list. But, when I say water, I don't mean water in a glass or water in a shower. I mean large bodies of deep and deadly water. I don't mind looking at lakes or oceans - just so long as I don't have to get in the water or be over the water in a boat. I pretty much keep my distance whenever possible - just enjoy the view from terra firma - know what I mean? This fear is probably due to the fact that I didn't learn to swim until I was a teenager. As a child, I had one too many occasions when I legitimately thought I was going to drown simply because I was in water that was 6 inches too deep. After swallowing a lot of pool water as a kid, I finally swallowed my pride (as a jr. high student) and took basic swimming with all the 6 yr olds through our rec. department. We learned how to stick our face in the water - blow bubbles - kick and make splashes while holding on to the side of the pool - stuff like that. I did eventually learn how to swim, but I rarely look for the chance to do it.

Did you see the movie "Unbreakable" with Bruce Willis? There is a scene near the end when the main character falls into a pool that has a pool cover on it. He gets tangled and wrapped up in the cover UNDER WATER! I get the heebeegeebees just thinking about it. Water is the stuff my nightmares are made of.

But, unlike John, I have no desire to "face my fears head on" by becoming a rescue swimmer or deep sea diver or something like that. Nope. Not me.

Hello, my name is Fun Dad, and I am here to help you.

2007-08-21T14:12:00.001-07:00

This past weekend Kelly took our oldest daughter to Kansas City for a sort of "coming of age" weekend. They went through some material produced by Family Life Ministries called "Passport to Purity". They had a lot of things to talk about. They had some great conversations. But, Kelly also made the weekend special by going to some fun places and eating at cool restaurants. They had a great weekend.

I held down the fort with Emma and Grace.

This was the first weekend that I could remember when I was in charge of the kids without Kelly around. Emma looked at me on Saturday morning and said, "So, what are we going to do?" I hadn't really thought about that.

Emma started feeling pretty left out and a bit sorry for herself that her big sister was having this great weekend with mom and she was stuck at home with dad. I can't say that I blame her. I would much rather spend the weekend with Kelly than with me.

I then decided to be "fun dad" for the weekend (instead of "boring dad" - which is a role I feel more comfortable in). We went to the store and bought food for the weekend - whatever happened to look good at the time (pastries, stuff for french toast, cokes, etc.). We went to a cool store that sells stuff from all over the world and we banged on some bongo drums. We rented and watched a movie. We had friends over to play Settlers of Katan. We went out for ice cream.

All and all we had a pretty good weekend at home. Way too many sweets though. Blech. My stomach is still not feeling very happy with me.

I am glad I don't have to be "fun dad" every weekend.

Update for Aug 14

2007-08-14T19:46:00.000-07:00

Over the past several weeks - every time I have thought about this blog I have felt like a bit of a loser. I keep telling myself, "I'll write another post once I have something witty or inspiring or insightful to say." Alas... nothing.

How do you do it Jenna? For those of you who don't know Jenna - she is a super stud. She was in the youth group I led in Iowa - now she is in Dallas while her husband goes to Seminary. She is a blogging machine - and most of time it is funny too. I stand in awe. You can learn more than you ever wanted to know about Jenna at http://jennawoestman.blogspot.com/

Since I don't have anything terribly insightful to share - here is a basic update.

1. Because of an incredibly generous gift, it looks like I am going to get laser surgery on my eyes. Yep, Greg Holmes will finally be able to see - without contacts or glasses or anything. I am super, super excited. I have been wearing glasses since I was four years old. I am not sure when the surgery will be - I still have to go through the consultations and all that jazz. I can't wait.

2. We finally got the electric fence installed for our dog. I'm a believer. Dogs plus electricity is a really good equation.

3. Our new youth pastor is here. (His official title is Pastor of Student Ministries). Man, what a cool guy. He has been here for about a month. Our church in incredibly fortunate to have him.

4. My barista wife is loving here new part-time job. She has been able to have some great conversations with her co-workers and is learning to make some nifty espresso drinks. No discounts for spouses of employees, however - which is a poor business model if you ask me.

5. It is unbelievably hot here. This is like the third or fourth week in a row with heat indexes well over 100 degrees. I think I am getting soft in my middle age. I can't seem to get from the house to the car without feeling like I am starting to wilt. I am ready for fall.

In which I do pre-marital counseling for a couple twice my age

2007-07-24T13:37:00.000-07:00

As a pastor I do a fair share of weddings. I also do a good bit of pre-marital counseling before those weddings take place. I have never thought of myself as much of a counselor, but I enjoy doing pre-marital sessions. Kelly and I had great counsel before our marriage. We are still benefiting from the wisdom we received.

I am currently doing pre-marital counseling with a couple that is definitely "out of the norm" for me. Usually, the couples I deal with are pretty young (usually twentysomethings). This couple is seventysomething. They had both lost their mate to death and have found each other later in life.

I think that pre-marital counseling is important, even in this type of situation because we all bring baggage in our relationships. We have certain ways we respond to stress, certain ways we resolve conflict, certain beliefs about money, etc, etc. These things need to be talked through. And so, I feel I can made a good case as to why this type of counseling is important, no matter your age. However, it is still a bit intimidating to be the pastor in this situation. Who am I to tell them anything? One of the individuals was married for close to 50 years! They should be counseling me.

Can I just say that I love this couple? Wow. They are so quick to admit their faults; so quick to admit that they don't have all the answers; so transparent in their desire to honor God in their marriage; so eager to learn principles that can benefit them in the future; so humble; so gracious. I love their dependence upon the Holy Spirit as they move into a new chapter of life. I love their sense of adventure.

It seems like age either makes people harder or softer - bitter or better - more gracious or more intolerant. As people get older they tend to move toward the extremes. A gracious person becomes very gracious. A bitter person, very bitter.

I am glad I have people in my life that can show me the way and paint a picture of what it means to age well. God bless them.

The Coffee Expert

2007-07-22T19:27:00.000-07:00

Up until recently I was the resident coffee expert in the family. That is, until my wife became a bonifide "barista".

Kelly took a job at our favorite hang out in town, called "Lincoln Perk". It's a pretty cool place - good coffee, espresso drinks, panini sandwiches - they even sell "gelato" (a special kind of ice cream). Kelly will be working very part-time, but she hopes it will allow her to get some much needed adult interaction every week, help her meet people outside of our church and bring in a little extra money for fun stuff as a family. She is enjoying her new job. I am very happy for her.

Only one problem - I am not sure how I feel about her being the new coffee expert around here. She was telling me the other day about the technique difference between steaming milk for a latte and frothing milk for a cappuccino. News to me. It made me feel kind of strange.

I feel like I need to hand over my frothing pitcher and espresso cups to the new sheriff in town.

That's ok - I guess. I still have my grill. I am still the king around here when it comes to grilling burgers and steaks.

That is - until Kelly decides to learn how to do that too.

A good movie

2007-07-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

I saw a good movie last night. Maybe you have seen it.

It was about a wonderful person with some unorthodox interpersonal skills and communication methods who helps a group of troubled teens. There was a lot of drama in the movie about the personal lives of the kids and the adult who was there to help them. There was also a lot of friction between the kids - at least at the beginning of the movie. But, alas - the wonderful main character breaks through the defenses of these troubled kids - wins their hearts and unites them like a family. Together they overcome insurmountable odds and achieve unheard of success.

Have you seen that one?

Maybe I am just a softy, but I love that movie. I can watch it again and again.

I think movie producers realize how much I like it as well. They keep releasing new versions of it. A couple of times per year I can watch a new take on the same story. Sometimes the setting is sports (like Hoosiers and Remember the Titans), sometimes it is the classroom (like Stand and Deliver, Dead Poets Society and Freedom Writers - the movie I saw last night). Usually, they are pretty good.

Freedom Writers was excellent. But, when I think about it - it really is (essentially) the same movie as all the others - with different characters, a different setting and different plot twists. But, at its core, it is the same essential plot. And, I love that plot.

What is it about that plot that I like so much?

I love the redemption of it all. I love the idea that an ordinary person can make a radical difference (for good) in some one's life. I love that one person's effort can be multiplied into many people and that the impact of that one person can be felt in future generations.

I love that.

Deep down, that is what I want my story to be. In the movie of my life I long to be the main character who leads ordinary people through the power of God's Spirit - and together we see the extraordinary take place. And people who didn't like each other before end up loving each other. And timid people become bold people. And a divided church becomes a united church. And marriages are healed and families restored and brokenness is mended and an old, old story of Jesus and His love becomes new and fresh and powerful outside the walls of the church. And an entire culture feels the impact of the community of faith.

Wow! That would make a great movie.

I'm an encouragement to my wife

2007-07-06T12:56:00.000-07:00

Kelly said so herself.

My blog along with Karen Horn's blog (http://hornherd.blogspot.com/) have encouraged her to start her own. Kelly is a wonderful writer. I am excited about anything that causes her to write regularly.

Check it out - it's http://www.kellyrandomgrace.blogspot.com/

Dog + electricity

2007-07-01T20:30:00.000-07:00

As many of you know we had a beautiful Golden Retriever named Annie. I say "had" because she died about 6 months ago from kidney failure. She was 4 years old. It was a sad time in the Holmes household.

We enjoyed having a dog around though, so not long after Annie died we started making plans for what kind of dog we would have next. We did a bunch of research on breeds and then threw all that info out the window and picked up a mutt from the Humane Society. We still don't know what kind of dog she is. I am not quite sure what we were thinking.

Our new dog is... how shall I say this?... not a very good dog. She is in need of some intense behavior modification.

Enter electricity.

We got a shock collar. We put it on her for the first time a couple of days ago. We tested it out - had to see what level of shock got her attention. It is a disturbingly powerful feeling to have that remote in your hand. Bzzzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

She responds to it quite well to it - as you might imagine.

We're hoping that the equation is: Bad dog + electricity = good dog.

We'll see.

Texas food

2007-06-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

I need to give my buddy Ross credit for this one. He told me about a cool blog that he found called Homesick Texan.

http://homesicktexan.blogspot.com/

The author is an expat Texan living in New York city. She writes primarily about the food of Texas with some awesome recipes.

For all those Iowa folks that had to put up with 7 years of my complaining about the food, here you can find what Texas food is all about - Cheese Enchiladas, Sopapillas, Barbecue, Chicken Fried Steak with cream gravy, sheet cake... oh my goodness... I'm getting light headed. She even has the recipe for gingerbread pancakes from one of my favorite restaurants in Austin called Magnolia Cafe. I have had those pancakes. They are out of this world - I can't wait to make them.

Just thought I would share the wealth.

Blogger tag

2007-06-21T11:50:00.000-07:00

I think I got blogger tagged. The reason I say "I think" is because I am not quite sure if I am the right "Greg" that was supposedly tagged. I am sure this is very confusing for you, so let me esplain... no, it's too much. Let me sum up.

Evidently somewhere someone started this thing called blogger tag with the following rules.

1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged write a blog post about their own 8 random things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names.
4. You may need to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged and to read your blog.

Well, you see - here's the rub. I was reading Drew's blog and he was talking about being tagged. He listed his 8 random things and then listed some names at the bottom. One of the names was "Greg". Is that me? I'm not quite sure. How many Gregs does he know? I could call or email I suppose, but that could be awkward don't you think? If it wasn't me? "Hey, are you talking about me at the end of your blog?" Answer - "Well... um... sure."

Remember when you were in school and someone waved at you and you waved back only to realize they were really waving at the person behind you?

Yea, that feeling.

Well, enough of this. Whether or not I am the "Greg" in question, I am in the game. Here are my 8 random things.

1. I am not as boring as everyone thinks I am.

2. I am fascinated by the art of things. The art of food; the art of furniture design, the art of communication through paint or pencil or the written word; the art of preaching.

3. I can't operate in clutter, but I also can't seem to keep things organized. It's a vicious cycle. I usually end up "piling". I put all the clutter in one big pile which makes the rest of the room look nice and clean.

4. Raiders of the Lost Ark is still my favorite movie

5. I really like Lost but I was bummed that they killed off Mr. Echo. He was my favorite.

6. I don't know what I am doing. I am a husband, father and pastor of a church. Usually I feel like I am just making it up as I go.

7. I have decided to audition for American Idol. Just kidding. Actually, I do wish I had more singing and/or musical ability. I love music. I feel like I am a musician trapped in a non-musical body.

8. The wind in Kansas is about to drive me batty. It... just ... never... stops... blowing.

Here's the people I tag:

Jenna, Ashley Nicole, Stephen, Greg L, Ross (It's time, bro. You need to start your blog. This could be your first post), Matt.

Notice I didn't mention any last names. Why should I be the only one living in ambiguity?

Quote of the Day - June 7

2007-06-07T09:27:00.000-07:00

"If the world is sane, then Jesus is mad as a hatter and the Last Supper is the Mad Tea Party. The world says, Mind you own business, and Jesus says, There is no such thing as your own business. The world says, Follow the wisest course and be a success, and Jesus says, Follow me and be crucified. The world says, Drive carefully - the life you save may be your own - and Jesus says, Whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. The world says, Law and order, and Jesus says, Love. The world says, Get, and Jesus says, Give. In terms of the world's sanity, Jesus is as crazy as a coot, and anybody who thinks he can follow him without being a little crazy too is laboring less under the cross than under a delusion. "We are fools for Christ's sake," Paul says, faith says - the faith that ultimately the foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of men, the lunacy of Jesus saner that the grim sanity of the world."

Frederick Buechner, The Faces of Jesus.

Update - June 6

2007-06-06T13:17:00.000-07:00

It has been about 2 weeks since I have written anything on this blog. I keep waiting for creative inspiration for some really great blog posts.

Nothing.

Oh, well - here's what's been going on in my life over the last couple of weeks.

The Bachelor. Kelly and the girls were gone for a week. I survived on leftovers, cereal, ice cream, and the kind generosity of people who felt sorry for me and brought me food. I started a new woodworking project while they were gone. I am building a new bed for Kelly and me. One of my first furniture projects 10 years (or so) ago was bed. I had very little idea what I was doing. Now, that bed is kind of squeaky and rickety - not a good thing. I will tear that old bed down rebuild it as a twin size for Gracie. I am building the new bed out of black walnut. It is a beautiful wood, but I have no dust collection system in my garage, so now everything is coated in brown dust. And, every night after working out there I have to clean out my nose of dark chocolate boogers. (That would be a good name for a band, don't you think? - Dark Chocolate Boogers)

Luke is eating my lunch. Or, I should probably say that Jesus is eating my lunch. I am preaching through Luke and over three consecutive Sundays I have covered the Good Samaritan (10:25-37), Mary and Martha (10:38-42) and then Jesus' teaching on prayer (11:1-13). Wow. I have studied these passages before - many times. But, looking at them again - afresh and anew - it's kind of hard to take. I have a long way to go.

Board retreat. This weekend we are having a board retreat with our elders and deacons. I can't wait. So much of church leadership revolves around "management". It's sort of a necessary evil. The church is a fairly complex organism and "management" is just part of it. It's not the fun part, though. At least from my perspective. The great part of church ministry is "the mission" that we are called to fulfill. Like all churches, however, it is easy to begin with a sense of mission and then get hunkered down with the details of management. Periodically we have to lift our head - see the bigger picture and remember why it is we are doing what we are doing. I, especially need to know where we are going and that we are indeed getting there. This weekend, we (as a leadership board) will breath the country air, we'll pray together, study together, reflect on Biblical mandates - together. In light of those mandates we will assess where we are as a church and where we need to go in the future. We will develop action items and a fresh prayer list of things we desperately want to see God do in our midst. I am hoping and praying for a great weekend.

Kelly and I know how to put away the groceries

2007-05-23T07:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Kelly and my wedding anniversary. 14 years! Happy Anniversary to us. Last night we went on our big anniversary date which included dinner at PF Changs. We got to the restaurant late (8:00pm - which is late for us). But even at 8:00pm we had to wait 30 minutes to be seated. By the time we finally sat down we were hungry enough to eat the table.

We quickly ordered an appetizer (which is rare for us - we're pretty cheap).

Then, the manager brings us a second appetizer - for free. How great is that? Evidently it had been made by mistake for another table that didn't want it. He asked if we wanted it. Well... yeah!

Then our entrees came. We were sitting at a table for four and we had to rearrange our plates to make them all fit. So great! What a feast. The amazing part... we ate it all (except for one lettuce wrap). Our waiter was actually laughing at us that we were eating so much.

Then we had a piece of chocolate cake (called The Great Wall of Chocolate). It was our anniversary after all. We couldn't finish the cake though - it was ginormous. We had met our match.

All in all, it was feast worthy of a true celebration. Kelly is my greatest earthly blessing. I love the fact that we get to be married. Happy anniversary, Kelly.

Perhaps, by next May 22 I'll be hungry again.

Dull

2007-05-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

Starting this blog has made me feel at times like Peter at the Transfiguration. Peter, not knowing what to say, said...

Not much writing lately because I haven't felt like it and I haven't really known what to say. I have not been feeling terribly eloquent - or clever - or creative. I am actually feeling quite dull of brain and spirit.

But, I know that God is still at work in and around me. Sometimes it just doesn't look like it... or feel like it. It comes as no shock to anyone who might be reading this blog to know that even pastors go through times of dryness and distance - when the glory of the "mission" seems squashed by daily, mundane maintenance - when the pleasures of sweet communion seem much more real in theory than experience.

Today, my mind is drawn back to a dog-eared prayer in one of my favorite books by A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God. Here it is (changing "thee" and "thy" to "you" and "your").

"Oh God, I have tasted your goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed at my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want you; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me your glory, I pray, so that I may know you indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me the grace to rise and follow you up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long."

Isn't that good? This prayer is dog-eared is because I have visited it before. On many occasions - spanning years and years - I have felt the same longing, the same frustration. Is that a shameful thing - that I feel just as needy now as I did then? I hope not, because it seems to be the story of my journey. God seems to teach me dependence, not through success and mission advancement, but through times of dryness, inadequacy and a profound discontent with who I really am.

I am in one of those times.

By the way - the Honduran team had a great trip. They gave away tons of food packs; they equipped a hospital and a clinic with much needed medicine and equipment; they fitted and gave away all-terrain wheelchairs to very eager recipients. Good job. No coffee - but I guess I'll let that slide.

International Coffee Broker

2007-05-08T08:49:00.000-07:00

There is an orphanage in Honduras that several of the folks from our church help out with. We sent a team down last week with a whole 18-wheeler size trailer full of supplies (including an x-ray machine for a local hospital there, several thousand bottles of antibiotics and 100 wheelchairs - among other things). Very cool.

My one request of the team - find me some good coffee to bring back. But, I don't want roasted coffee that will go stale in a couple of weeks - I want green coffee, still in the burlap sack (I roast my own coffee). And, it needs to be good quality, high grown Arabica beans. No problem, right?

They quickly informed me that I would need to tell them where to go and who to talk to get those beans. This proved to be much more difficult than I thought it would be.

I should have realized that stateside coffee wholesalers would not be too eager to tell people like me where to get good quality coffee. (Current "fair trade" price is about $1.39/lb - which means market driven, non fair-trade coffee has to be around $1/lb or less. And, considering the fact that coffee roasting is not a terribly difficult or expensive art - it is amazing that the same $1/lb coffee is being sold for $12 -$16/lb or $1.50-$4/cup in coffee shops. No wonder Starbucks is making a killing.) That being said, I was very much on my own.

I found a promising Honduran Fair Trade Coffee Cooperative web site. Too bad it was all in Spanish (and Google translator wouldn't work). My four years of Spanish in middle school and high school did me no good - what a waste. For a few brief moments I tried to muster my courage to make the international call to the phone number on the web site. But, I just knew someone would answer and say, "hola, como estas?" - and I would be completely lost. I wrote down the phone number and the address and gave it to our team. "Call them" I said. It was the best I could do.

One of the team members called me yesterday to tell me they couldn't get a hold of anyone at that number. On to plan "B". They said they talked to someone who knows someone, who knows someone, who... could connect them to a grower up in the mountains. Who knows what they will get. Who knows if they will be able to get the beans past customs. They might have to "smuggle" it. They'll probably get arrested. I'll probably get arrested. You'll probably see me on the news.

All I wanted was coffee.

Why don't we pray more?

2007-05-01T07:06:00.000-07:00

Loaded question, I know. If I could solve the problem of why Christians pray so little, I could write a book and make lots of money.

A little over a week ago I preached a sermon about the time when the apostles were unable to cast out a demon (Luke 9; Mark 9; Matt. 17). In Matthew's account Jesus says their inability is due to the littleness of their faith (which is not really a littleness in "quantity" because faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain. Somehow, the "littleness" refers to their regard toward the object of their faith - for it is God's Spirit which moves mountains. Zech. 4:6-7). In Mark's account it is clear that what the apostles were trying to accomplish can only be done through prayer. The disciples weren't trusting which was evidenced by their lack of prayer.

But, earlier in Luke chapter 9, Jesus sent the 12 out to proclaim the kingdom, heal the sick and cast out demons. Jesus empowered them to do these things. Then, just a few verses later - because of their lack of faith and lack of prayer - the 12 are found impotent to do what they are already empowered to do.

Isn't that interesting?

They had a history of success and some understanding of their own empowerment. Evidently, they didn't think they needed to trust anymore - didn't really need to pray.

This gives me tremendous insight as to why I often pray so little. We do the things that are important to us. The reason we are not fervent in prayer is because deep down we don't think we really need to be. Somehow we think we can make it on our own - do it on our own.

But, I know better. I really do. I have seen Him answer prayer. I know the commands of Scripture. I know how important prayer is. I know how wonderful it can be. When I set aside a significant amount of time for prayer, I gain new perspective on my circumstances; I usually feel refreshed and connected to my creator. Invariably I ask myself why I don't do that everyday. I don't know the answer.

In my marriage - I love praying with Kelly. It draws us together as a couple. I can feel closer to her and to God at the same time - how great is that? So, why don't I initiate prayer with my wife on a daily basis? I am not quite sure.

We had a prayer gathering at church this past weekend. What a wonderful time. I love hearing the murmur of prayer huddles scattered throughout a large room. I left thinking, "why don't we do this more often?" Not sure - just not a priority, I guess.

I think we all feel a measure of guilt over this. Somehow, none of us feel like we are where we are supposed to be. And, usually our solution has to do with frequency and duration. "I am committing to praying more frequently and for longer periods of time", we say. But, I don't think that frequency is the problem. Frequency is the symptom. It's a heart problem - it's a dependency problem - an arrogance problem - a problem of self-sufficiency. When we feel the distinct need for God, we pray. The reason we don't "pray always" is because we don't always feel the need for God. Plain and simple. That's our problem.

Go Bluebonnets!

2007-04-28T14:09:00.000-07:00

This weekend is the annual Emma Creek Classic, women's 5k walk and run here in Hesston. For the second year in a row the girls of my family along with Kelly's mom and sister have gotten together to form a team. Their team is called the "Bluebonnets" because they all have close ties to Texas - and the Bluebonnet is the Texas state flower.

Kelly bettered her time this year by about 3 minutes. Way to go Kelly!

From left to right: Gail (Kelly's mom), Emma, Abby, Kelly, Gracie, and Erika (Kelly's sister)

Gracie was the slow-poke of the group. Gail agreed to be Gracie's companion for the race. I am proud to say that out of 898 racers, they weren't last. (I think there were two or three behind them). Good job, Gracie.

I think it's called a "pergola"

2007-04-24T09:37:00.000-07:00

Kelly has quite the "honey do" list she keeps for me. She loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life. This last weekend I was able to put a big check mark next to a project at the top of the list - something to hold our porch swing. Kelly has a thing for porch swings - she would sit on it every day if the weather was nice. Ours has been in our storage room since we moved to Kansas. Now it can see the sun again.

Here are some pictures of the first (of many) Harry Homeowner projects for summer '07.

Quotes of the Day - April 19

2007-04-19T14:39:00.000-07:00

From the classic book Spiritual Leadership by J. Oswald Sanders.

"We can lead others only as far along the road as we ourselves have traveled. Merely pointing the way is not enough. If we are not walking, then no one can be following, and we are not leading anyone." (p.28)

"More failure comes from an excess of caution than from bold experiments with new ideas... Most failures come from insufficient daring... The frontiers of the kingdom of God were never advanced by men and women of caution." (p. 127-128)

I love our small-group

2007-04-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

I need to take a minute to say how wonderful our small-group is. Like a lot of churches, we have found small-groups to be indispensable in creating an atmosphere for the Biblical "one anothers" (love one another, encourage one another, spur one another on to love and good deeds, etc). I am a big believer in putting Christians in smaller groups to live life together. All small-groups struggle to one degree or another in being the type of community the Bible calls us to be. Sometimes small-groups can be a very frustrating experience. There are other times, though, when a small-group is such a beautiful thing.

The group that Kelly and I help lead has got to be the most varied group I have ever been apart of. We have young couples with toddlers and other couples with grown kids. We have 5 singles ranging from college age to young professional to older and divorced. We have 3 folks who have just come out of an ultra-legalistic church community (sort of Amish like, only more oppressive). We have another guy who is sort of a "biker type" who has just recently come out of drug and alcohol abuse, trouble with the law and failed marriages. Every time we meet I look out at the jammed packed living room of people standing, or sitting on the floor or at tables or on the sofas with styrofoam plates of food precariously balanced on their knees and I just smile. We are such an odd group.

Over the last several months we have been talking about and studying the concept of "grace". How great to see people in such different stages of life and from wildly different backgrounds all united together around our common need for grace. It is such a wonderful picture of what the church is supposed to be.

I love the way our group opens up and talks about important issues; I love the way they pray for and with each other; I love the way they have reached out to and welcomed new folks to our little "community;" I love their desire and heart for serving others.

But, this is the sad part... When I started this group a year or so ago, I started it with a co-leader (Scott) who had never led a small-group before. The plan was always to grow the group to viable size, establish the group in what a small-group was supposed to look like, and to get Scott to where he was comfortable to lead on his own - and then Kelly and I would duck out and start another group. Well, the time has come.

My plan now is for Kelly and I to step out and for Scott to give some leadership opportunities to another guy in our group in hopes of dividing the group soon.

While this is a wonderful place to be, it is still kind of sad. I am tempted to just stay where I am - because I like it here. Like everyone else I have to fight the urge to "keep a good thing going". But, as soon as we try to hang on to and preserve - that which we are preserving ceases to be what it once was. We have to keep moving forward. Change and growth are good things.

A different way of seeing

2007-04-12T18:29:00.000-07:00

My artistic background and training are in the visual arts (specifically - drawing, print making, pottery and painting). I am a firm believer that artistic ability can be learned and developed. I was planning on being an art teacher after all. While it is true that some people seem to be born with the artistic "knack", I think that "knack" is misunderstood by most who would not call themselves artistic. Art is not primarily an issue of bio mechanics - how you hold the pencil or the brush, or how you mix color. I believe that the key ingredient to great art is how the artist "sees" the world around him. Great artists see differently than other people do. Everyday objects and scenes are seen in terms of form, line, hue, light (direct, refracted, cool, warm), proportion, space, balance, etc.

Most of us don't really see that well.

I am fascinated by the art of photography. And, this is not because I am good at it -I'm not. I am astoundingly average. But, I am fascinated because it seems like the technology of the camera levels the playing field for everyone. We all have the potential of being great artists - the camera does the work. And yet, so few of us can do it well. Why is that? Imagine taking 99 of us average people and adding one Pulitzer Prize winning photojournalist. Give us all the same type of camera and then release us all to photograph the same event (like a Presidential Inauguration). A few of us might get lucky and get some really great shots. For the most part, however, the photojournalist would outpace us all. For he/she has been trained how to "see". The equipment is the same; the scenery is the same; the people we are photographing are the same. The great shots are already there just waiting to be captured by any of us, waiting to be found. They are there, right in front of our noses - and we all see them.. and then most of us walk right by. While seeing we don't really SEE.

I have used this principle to teach people how to study their Bible. Familiarity with Bible passages causes most of us to skim over what we think we already know. We rarely stop to fully see - afresh and anew.

I had a great conversation with Kelly last night about writing. She is a tremendous writer but she feels like her creative well is dried up and empty. She described her days as spilling over into one another in endless to-do lists that never get done. Admittedly, not the most fertile soil for creative thinking. But in the end we both came to the conclusion that God is there, even in the mundane. The stories are there. Everyday conversations can either be seen as useless, throw away words - or we can hear in that other person and see on their face the pain of their circumstances, the frustration of their sin or even the joy of God's redemptive work. There's a story behind that voice. How well do we see? How well do we listen? God, as the Master Artist of the beauty all around us has planted art in obscure places for those who are willing to search for it. The stories are there, waiting to be found. The great shots are there. The beauty is there. God is at work and He is leaving His finger prints.

But, even as I write this I know in my heart that I do not practice it. While seeing, I rarely see - while hearing, I rarely hear. God is revealing himself in tremendous ways through his creation - through conversations with those made in his image. And while God's creation cries out for the glory of God and eternal souls grapple with the issues of eternity, I blindly just go about my day.
And the God who is unseen remains... unseen.

Quotes of the day - April 11

2007-04-11T12:41:00.000-07:00

Here are a few quotes from one of the books I am working through, The Externally Focused Church by Rick Rusaw and Eric Swanson.

"We don't know of any churches that claim to be internally focused, but they exist all the same. Internally focused churches concentrate on getting people into the church and generating activity there. These churches may create powerful worship experiences, excel in teaching, offer thriving youth programs, and have vibrant small groups, but at the end of the day, what is measured is the number of people and activities within the church. These are good churches filled with good people. And, what they do is vital but not sufficient for a healthy church. Worship, teaching, and personal devotions are absolutely necessary for building the internal capacity to sustain an external focus, but if all the human and financial resources are expended inside the four walls of the church, then no matter how "spiritual" things may appear to be, something is missing." (p.16)

Discussing Matthew 25:35-46 ("for I was hungry and you gave me something to eat... Lord, when did we see you hungry...?)

"Then Jesus replies, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." It is not those to whom we minister who meet Jesus in a ministry encounter; it is the ones who are doing the ministering! We're not Jesus to them. They are Jesus to us!... Mother Teresa described her ministry strategy as going out and looking for the dying, the cripple, the lonely, the unwanted, the unloved - "Jesus in disguise." Are we willing to find him?" (p.66)

In the mean time

2007-04-07T07:02:00.000-07:00

My acting debut went ok last night. My cold is much better. I remembered all the things I was supposed to say. I got some good feedback. All in all I felt like our Good Friday gathering was quite worshipful. We took communion together and remembered our Lord's death. It was a meaningful time. Tomorrow is Easter - the celebration of the most distinctive doctrine in the Christian faith - the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Today is Saturday.

The Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday is sort of an awkward day for me. As a pastor who tries to design worship experiences, I want a Good Friday time to be somber, serious and somewhat dark. It should foster an attitude of humility, reflection and gratitude. Easter Sunday should be bright and loud with an attitude of celebration and victory. But, somewhere between the despair of Friday and the celebration of Sunday comes... Saturday - the mean time.

We know what happened Friday; we know what's coming Sunday. So, today we just... wait, I guess.

It seems like a lot of our lives is spent "in the mean time". When I felt like it was time for me to move out of youth ministry several years ago, I went through about 18 months of difficult "mean time" - knowing something different was coming but not knowing what or when. I bet I have had 5 or 6 conversations with individuals just in the last few weeks - people who are going through the same thing in their career. It seems like God gives us a desire or a dream and then makes us wait - and wait to see it come to fruition. In fact, it seems like the wait is much longer than it needs to be. I know several couples that have been praying earnestly for children. They would be great parents too. And they continue to wait. I know that there is a high likelihood that eventually they will have children - either though natural biology or through adoption. But today, their arms are still empty. Life in the mean time.

It is obvious that the ability to wait is important to God. It is a common theme in all of our stories. Is there anything that tests our faith more than waiting? In fact, one gets the impression that the more important the mission - the more important the promise, the longer the people have to wait to see it come to pass. How old was Abraham before the promised son was finally given? How long was Moses in Midian? How long has the church waited for Christ to finally come back?

Our ability to wait says a lot about us. It says a lot about who we are trusting in too. This is a tough principle for me. Patience is not one of my virtues. But God is teaching me.

You may think it's funny but it'snot

2007-04-04T18:42:00.000-07:00

It is Wednesday of Holy Week. In two days we will have a big Good Friday service in the evening. I am planning on making a fool of myself doing my first ever dramatic monologue - in character. That's right, Greg Holmes the thespian. Then, Sunday will of course be Easter. The big day.

And, I have a head cold.

Between my coughing and me blowing my nose you can hear me say such profound things as, "I deed do blow my doze", and "my ed ith kide ov thtuffy".

Could be an interesting weekend.

Monday musings Apirl 2

2007-04-02T12:11:00.000-07:00

I am still reeling over my sermon yesterday. There are certain passages that make me feel especially hypocritical as a preacher. Yesterday's was one of them. The passage in question is Luke 9:10-27. Jesus has just revealed himself through series of amazing miracles (stilling the storm, the Gerasene demoniac, the hemorrhaging woman and the raising of Jairus' daughter) - He then sends the 12 out on a training mission, empowered to perform miracles of their own. He was not only training the 12 for disciple-making, He was revealing himself in a unique way. Jesus isn't just a prophet or teacher - he is divine. He doesn't just have the power to do amazing things, he has the power to empower others to do amazing things. So, when he calls them to step out in obedience and do something that they cannot do - they are to obey and do it anyway. This is tested in 9:13 when he tells them to feed thousands of hungry people.

All of that is pretty convicting - stepping out in radical obedience to do what we cannot do. That's tough for guys like me who tend to play it safe.

But the worst is yet to come.

Jesus goes on to ask if disciples have learned their lesson. Do they understand who Jesus is? Peter gets it right and confesses that Jesus is the "Christ of God". Then Jesus drops a bombshell - he will be rejected and killed and then rise on the third day. It is obvious that this is not what Jesus' disciples were expecting to hear.

It would be a whole lot more enjoyable to follow a Messiah who brings joy and blessing and freedom and prosperity to his people. But, what does it mean to follow one who was rejected and tortured to death? Jesus describes what this will mean for his followers. As they publicly align themselves with one whom the world has rejected, they will have to carry that scorn and derision daily. And, if they try to save their lives they will ultimately lose them - but if they willingly lay down their lives for the sake of Christ - they will find life.

This is the part that is hard to preach.

I am pretty wimpy when it comes to hardship or suffering. I do not "count it all joy"; I count the minutes till it's over. I tend to do whatever is necessary to insure my life is pain free and comfortable. Not that we are to seek out hardship - but it seems like Christ is telling us to expect suffering if we are going to be a follower of his. I don't expect it. To be quite honest, I expect to be treated better than Christ was. I rarely - very rarely - suffer for the sake of Christ.

Our understanding of who Jesus is and what his earthly ministry is all about affects our perception of what it means to be his follower. Is the Jesus that we follow wearing a crown of gold? A crown of roses? A crown of thorns? A student is not above his teacher. If Jesus wore a crown of thorns, how is it that I expect to follow him wearing a crown of roses?

Thoughts about Holy Week

2007-03-30T08:30:00.000-07:00

I have two prints on the wall of my office that are almost identical to each other - same artist, same name, same image - mostly. It's an etching by Rembrandt called Christ Presented to the People. The originals were created around 1655.

In the etching process it is possible to have a run of one image and then go back and change the plate which would give you a slightly different image for your second run. That second image would be called "state 2". The artist can change the plate as much as he/she wants creating as many "states" as they desire. Rembrandt created 8 states of Christ Presented to the People. I believe the image below is state #2.

In the foreground are the "people" that Christ is being presented to. Their backs are toward us. In middle ground you see Jesus, Pilate and some Roman soldiers. They are facing toward us and the crowd.

Somewhere around state 5 Rembrandt made a significant alteration to this image. Below is state 7.

He made it darker and more ominous. He also (most importantly) completely erased the foreground. This etching called Christ Presented to the People now has no crowd - no people. What's going on?

Rembrandt was a master of presenting profound spiritual truth through his work. I think he realized that the verdict of the "people" on that day 2,000 years ago is not the only verdict that counts. Jesus is being presented before each one of us with the question, "what will you do with this man?" We are the crowd. What do we say? If you were to time travel back and found yourself there on that day when Christ was presented - if you really were in the crowd - what would you yell? Knowing what you know now - that Christ's death and resurrection is our only hope. Do you yell, "crucify" knowing that He is innocent? Do you yell, "release him" knowing that if he does not die on the cross you are lost in your sins?

Or, do you just slump to the ground and cry?

The latter response seems more fitting, does it not? Christ gave himself; no one took his life from him.

For 2,000 years individuals have had to come to grips with the fact that the torturous death of the only innocent is our only hope. So, in a very real sense - Christ is still being presented before the people, and yours is the verdict that counts - not someone else's. He's looking at you. What will you do with this man? Will you shun him? Dismiss him? Will you have him?

This print by Rembrandt helps me through Holy Week. I have often struggled to know the correct "posture" or frame of mind as I remember the last week of my savior's earthly life. Joyful celebration seems out of place in light of the grim details of cross. But, mourning also seems out of place because through his death I have life. Through this print I am confronted by Jesus' innocence, the reality of the cross, the reality of my sin which put him there, and the very real need for me to come to a verdict about him. And, through it all I always end up with an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

Woody saves the day

2007-03-28T10:13:00.000-07:00

Our church has a partnership with a homeless shelter nearby. This shelter has been a wonderful ministry for us to be a part of. Our participation there has been a stretching experience for many of our folks. It has been a great way for us to get out of our 4 walls and focus our attention toward needs within our community.

As a partnering church, we staff the shelter one week per quarter. We provide the food, money and volunteer hours needed for that week. The toughest part to fill is the graveyard shift volunteer hours. Someone has to be awake at all times. The residents are often up and about in the middle of the night. Someone has to be awake and know what it going on. That usually means the volunteers have to set up sleeping shifts in hopes of getting at least a couple of hours of sleep. I have done it several times. 3am till 6am is the hardest part of the night to stay awake. I am usually whipped the whole next day.

I was scheduled for last night (11:00pm till 8:00am)

Yesterday - late morning I started feeling cruddy. By early afternoon I had what I think was a migraine headache. (I never used to get headaches like these - but over the last couple of years I have had a handful of these headaches that have left me virtually incapacitated - pounding head, sensitivity to light, nausea - the whole bit). Well, I went home at about 3:00pm, pulled curtains and went to bed. Before the end of the workday I called my buddy Woody and asked if he would take my shift at the homeless shelter. Essentially I was asking him on little notice to forgo a night with his wife and any sleep he was planning on getting. He willingly agreed.

I slept great. I feel much better today.

I called Woody at work this morning. He is functioning at about half-speed. He said he didn't sleep a wink last night. Props to you, Woody. You're a pal.

I love the Body of Christ.

Monday musings - March 26

2007-03-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

Being a pastor means Sunday is like "game day" for me. Much of the week is spent getting ready for the weekend. Much of Monday is spent replaying the mental highlight reel of events and conversations. Here are my musings about this past weekend.

Sermon - I am preaching through Luke. Yesterday I started chapter 9. It was a shortened message because we had so many things going on in our meeting time - which I will talk about in a minute. I only discussed verses 1 through 6 in my sermon. Jesus sent the 12 out with the message of the kingdom and the authority to heal diseases and cast out demons. It was essentially a short-term mission trip. The disciples were not to take long-term provisions; they were to live on the generosity of others; they were to return soon and report to Christ the details of their mission. Reading that passage, I am confronted by the intentionality of Jesus' program. His plan for impacting the world with His message was to invest his life in a relatively small number of people - to train those people for ministry and then send them out with a mandate to continue with the mission. It is clear from Luke 9:1-6 that Jesus' plan was not to teach them in order to become knowledgeable, but to train them in order to become leaders. This was a training mission. By the end of his ministry Jesus will command his disciples to go and do what they have been trained to do - what they have witnessed Jesus doing - making disciples.

Jesus gave us a model for worldwide evangelization - multiplication through spiritual reproduction. Disciples are to be in the business of making disciples makers. Anyone who has spent any time in Campus Crusade (or any similar para-church ministry) has probably been a part of this model. It is interesting when you look back over the last 100 years of church history - the rise of evangelical para-church ministries (like Crusade) happened because the church was (by and large) not doing its job. The church had become ingrown and self-obsessed, not actively engaging in the mission Jesus gave us to fulfill. And now, decades after the rise para-church ministries, much of "the church" has yet to learn its lesson. We seem content to equate knowledge and obedience, teaching and training, discipleship and Bible study. All too often, the way of "the church" does not seem to fit Jesus' model, nor does it produce the effect Jesus was after.

Pastor of Student Ministries. On a much lighter note - this past weekend was the "candidating weekend" for our new Pastor of Student Ministries. His name is John Bueger; he will be graduating from Dallas Seminary this spring. He will start with us this summer. I am super excited about this guy. I think he going to do great. I wish he could start next week. The weekend was filled with meetings and social events designed to give people the opportunity to get to know John and his wife. I conducted a mock interview on Sunday morning to let people hear his philosophy of ministry (which is why I had a shortened sermon).

All and all it was a good weekend - busy, but in a good kind of way.

What does faithfulness look like today?

2007-03-23T21:15:00.000-07:00

It would seem like such a simple question. What does it mean to be faithful today? This week? This year? It is a deceptively difficult question to answer. For all Christ followers, faithfulness has to be oriented to a person - to Jesus. Our allegience is not pledged to a creed or a tradition or an ecclesiastical structure. We are to be faithful to Him. I would hope that at least most of Christ's followers could at least agree on that. But, the age old confussion that we all grapple with is, what does that faithfulness look like in practical terms on a daily, monthly, yearly, stage of life basis? What does it look like to be faithful to Him? What am I supposed to do... today? By what standard is faithfulness judged? Some would argue that it is a behavioral standard that cries out for Christian faithfulness (a list of do's and don'ts). There is actually a lot to be said for that. Our integrity, honesty and purity should make us stand out (in a positive way). Like it or not, there is a standard of behavior. The landscape is littered with Christian leaders who disregarded the importance of things like fidelity and truth telling. It is clear that an aspect of faithfulness has to do with a predetermined standard of personal holiness.

But is that all? For so many (including myself all too often), the "faithful" Christian life is seen like a job description. There is the list of things we are supposed to so and the list of things we are not supposed to do - get most of them right and you are doing pretty good. It's a pretty safe approach.

But, what if "faithful" is not so static? What if behavioral standards are not the final definition of faithfulness? Christ has called us to a mission - to share good news far and near - to make disciples everywhere - to do what He did. What if faithfulness has more to do with the fulfillment of mission than anything else? It seems awful easy in the Christian community to take on behavioral standards but not be involved in the mission of the gospel or the disciple-making process at all. You can still be called faithful if you jump through the other hoops. Will God call us faithful? "Well, no God, I didn't actually take part in the Great Commission but I was very busy in church and did all the other things the Christian community said was important". I am not sure He will be impressed.

In the parable of the talents, reward is directly tied to risk. A general command of growth is given, talents are then dispensed. It is up to each person to figure out the best way to bring about the greatest degree of growth. There is a tremendous amount of risk and initiative that is necessary. Each one is responsible for making it happen. They have to make their own opportunities. The one who plays it safe is condemned.

How do we fit into that? What does it mean to "play it safe"? As one who is firmly within the Christian sub-culture, I know exactly what it means to play it safe. Being an acceptable Christian within the Christian sub-culture is not hard to do. Surrounding myself with Christian friends and doing church things is not difficult - not difficult at all. Perhaps what we call faithfulness, Christ would call "playing it safe". I wonder if any of us will be surprised to receive rebuke rather than reward?

To be continued...

What would Wyatt think?

2007-03-21T18:55:00.000-07:00

This past weekend and all through this week Kelly and I have the opportunity to host several of our friends as they visit over Spring Break or "pass through" on their Spring Break journey to somewhere else. We have a bustling house right now - and we love it.

For the last few days my college buddy Ross and his family have been with us. Here is a sample of a recent conversation.

Ross: "Dude, let's go to Dodge City".
Me: "What? Dodge City? Why?"
Ross: "Because, it's Dodge City, bro - Wyatt Earp - let's go."
Me: "Isn't Dodge City far away?"
Ross: "The map shows about 150 miles"
Me: "150 miles!? That will take all day to get there and back"
Ross: "I know. It will be a guy trip. Come on bro."

So, we went west, out to where Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday did their thing. What we found was... I am not quite sure how to describe it.

I know virtually nothing about Wyatt Earp and even less about Dodge City. (I did see the Kevin Costner movie Wyatt Earp, but I thought it was too boring to remember). Dodge City today is like a normal western Kansas town - lots of cows, lots of wheat. But Dodge City is also trying to cash in on the old west cowboy mystique and thereby lure unsuspecting people like my buddy and me and then separate us from our money.

There are essentially two historic Front Streets in town. (Evidently, "Front Street" was the main street when Wyatt was around). One "Front Street" is like a regular shopping center but with that old west look (wood facades, hitching posts, wooden sidewalks, etc). But the businesses are modern - Wyatt Earp Pizza Hut, Cuttin' Corral Hair and Nail Salon - stuff like that. About a block or so down - between the Applebee's and the Sonic is the more "authentic" Front Street. But this Front Street is gated. You have to pay $7 to get in. But once inside the people are all dressed like it was 1887. Unfortunately this is the off season, so we only saw 2 "characters" in the whole place. Very disappointing. But, fortunately we were able to see some animatronic Indians and some souvenirs which could be purchased (like cowboy Christmas ornaments and "Boot Hill" coffee mugs with your name on them). Ross couldn't resist the coffee mug - he bought one for me as a gift. Thanks, Ross.
I forgot my camera so I had to buy a disposable one at the Dodge City Wal-Mart when we first got into town. But, once I got to the "Front Streets" I found out that there was very little to take pictures of. So, I have almost an entire roll to use up before I can post any more pictures. You're just going to have to wait.

Upon leaving Dodge City to head for home I had two regrets from the trip. I didn't get a picture of me with the bronze statue of Wyatt. And, I never exclaimed the need to "get out of Dodge." What a missed opportunity.

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

2007-03-15T20:37:00.000-07:00

On the heels of my rambling post yesterday about the gatekeepers of "good art", I heard an interesting interview today about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The new inductees were just announced and evidently there is some debate as to the worthiness of those inductees. Patti Smith (punk rocker who never sold many albums), Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five(early hip hop) and Van Halen (cheesy 80's band that had ton's of popular success) are all being inducted. I don't have an opinion one way or the other about any of those artists (except maybe Van Halen - give me a break). But, it is interesting to listen to the debate about what is Hall of Fame worthy.

Is public success necessary? It is a popular art form. Does the artist need to be "popular"? What if the artist is popular but their music stinks? Is there a Rock and Roll standard - a definition of some sort of what "good" rock and roll is? Should rap be included? Sounds a lot like the questions I was grappling with yesterday.

Click here to listen to an interview with Patti Smith.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=8933119

So, who gets to decide what is or isn't good art?

2007-03-14T18:08:00.000-07:00

A friend recently gave me a copy of the book cataloging all the art in the National Gallery in Washington, DC. He had the book sitting around collecting dust so he gave it to me thinking I might appreciate it. Thumbing through that book raised a very complex question that I have been grappling with for years; "Who decides what great art is?"

This discussion is probably above my pay grade. Smarter people than I have been debating this issue for centuries and it will certainly not be solved here on my little blog. But, since this is my blog and I can talk about whatever I want, I choose to talk about this issue which has long befuddled me. (I entered art school 17 years ago - I have been pondering this issue at least that long).

It seems to me that there are a finite number of answers to the question, "who gets to determine what is or isn't art?" It's either: 1) the public at large through some type of general consensus, 2) a subset of the public who has been given the authority to declare such things whether the public likes it or not, 3) the artist gets to declare, or 4) somehow the art itself irrefutably adheres to the highest of artistic standards placing it beyond subjective opinion. Those are our only options - it seems to me.

Well, obviously - best case scenario, all 4 of those things will be in play. In really great art - the trans-generational art of the masters, you see all 4. The paintings of Monet are a good example of this. Among the impressionists of his day, Monet was the leader. He had a profound impact on artists such as Renoir, Degas and Cezanne who in turn impacted many others. Today, the artistic community unequivocally recognizes Monet's mastery and his importance in the story of art. But, it is not just the artistic elite who praise his work. In our day the public at large gobbles up Monet images at shopping mall poster shops and the calendar section of book stores. People with very little understanding (or concern) for impressionism as a movement, nevertheless find something to relate to in Monet's work. That's significant.

There seems to be something irrefutable about many of Monet's paintings. Even outside of an understanding of impressionism, his paintings speak for themselves. It is almost as if there is some sort of slippery and hard to quantify "golden mean" of artistic excellence that his work adheres to. Issues like color, balance, symmetry, atmosphere, light, form, technical rendering, etc - are all treated so adeptly by Monet within the style in which he worked.

There is also the issue that Monet paintings are great because Monet painted them. He seems to have earned that right. If a long lost painting of Monet's was discovered it would be worth millions simply because of who painted it. He is such a heavy hitter he can determine his own strike zone - set his own rules.

So, in the case of Monet - the artistic community, the public, the art itself and the credibility of the artist all point to the excellence of his work. He is an easy example. The difficulty comes when you consider art that does not have all four sources. What do we do with artwork by unproven artists? What about work from artists that the public enjoys but are shunned by the artistic community (ie. Thomas Kincade)? What about all those artists whose work is praised by the artistic community but is completely unintelligible to the public. The artistic elite is content to call everyone else "stupid" for not understanding great art or great artists - but is that ok? It is possible for the artistic community to label someone as an artist and then praise whatever that artist does. Is that a bit out of whack? (The painting on your right is by an artist named Jo Baer. It can be found at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art)

I will no doubt explore this issue in future posts. The main issue is this, if most art does not have all four sources arguing for its excellence, then which source is most important? Who is the real gatekeeper? Is it the public? It is the artistic community? Is it the artist? Or, is there a "golden mean" of excellence in every art form to which artists must aspire?

This issue becomes much more personal when we start talking about popular art forms such as movies and popular music - particularly in the Christian arena. Whose art is praise worthy? Who gets to decide? What's the criteria?

Thoughts about coffee grounds - part 3

2007-03-13T07:47:00.000-07:00

Ok - this will be my last post concerning the coffee grounds illustration. I most likely have already stretched this analogy to the breaking point. I will try to be brief.

It is clear from Scripture that Christ's followers are to impact the world around them. We are salt and light. In my own "you are the coffee of the earth" kind of way, I am drawing a similar analogy with coffee. Coffee has limited usefulness if it can't properly influence the hot water it comes into contact with. But, coffee has to be broken and burned before it can be used. It seems to me that as followers of Jesus Christ, we must resist the temptation to hide all of our failings and pretend to be someone we are not. We live in the midst of a broken and burned world filled with broken and burned people and our message is that of redemption. The pain and the junk that we all go through, the mistakes that we have made, the people that we have hurt – they are, in the hands of our loving Heavenly Father, our greatest messages of salvation. That God could love me, be patient with me, bestow His grace on me, bless me – even me! That is the greatest message my life can ever preach.

God has not spared any of us from pain, loss, or the consequences of our own stupid decisions. He has let us make a mess out of things. Hasn't He? A very well known passage (Romans 8:28) says, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Perhaps, along with other things, God is using our heartache to season us for greater influence.

As a pastor I have the privilege of hearing a lot of people's stories. There is a shocking consistency in the stories I hear about the journey to become more like Christ. The things which mold us, build us and change our lives the most are not the times of ease, pleasure, or blessing but rather the times of sin, suffering, and struggle. The greatest aspect of our personal story is not our perfection, but our pain. The fact that God can redeem the pain, use the mistakes, and bring beauty out of ashes – that's the glory of the gospel - that’s the message people need to hear. God has given each of us a powerful story to tell, but we must have the courage, the honesty and the vulnerability to tell it.

This good day

2007-03-10T15:05:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday. I woke up this morning and realized I had nothing to do today. Nothing. No meetings, no projects, no ball games, no company coming over (which would require franic house cleaning). Nothing. Then the sun came out and the air warmed up. What a nice day. What an unexpected blessing this day has become. The windows are open; I can hear birds outside; I can feel the cool breeze. Downstairs, I can hear my daughters talking nicely to each other as they together straighten up their art supplies. Eerie.

This is that day we all long for when life takes over - when crisis hits - when our schedules leave us gasping for air. This type of day never seems to come, and then all of a sudden, there it is. Surprise.

The sad thing is this - it is already mid-aftenoon and I spent much of the morning fretting over things that were out of my control. I was also anxious that I wasn't getting anything done. I almost missed the blessings of this day. It almost came and went. I could have gone the entire day and not thanked God for his incredible love and grace toward me - all because I was too self-centered and preoccupied to notice it. And then, I would have gone on wondering when I would be able to have a stress free day to enjoy my family.

But I did notice it. It's not too late. I realize that God is equally praise worthy in times of struggle and pain and trial. However, as I read Scripture it seems that God also delights in giving good gifts, and today is one of those gifts. I think He wants me to be glad today. So, today I choose to. I know that everyone in my community is experiencing the blessing of this day (whether they are followers of Christ or not). I hope they too are recognizing God's goodness in it all and giving him praise. Sadly, I know that most aren't. But I will.

There is a song by Fernando Ortega in which he sings: "This good day, it is a gift from you. The world is turning in its place because you made it to. I lift my voice to sing a song of praise on this good day." Thank you Father for this good day.

May I suggest the Monkey Blend?

2007-03-09T21:32:00.000-08:00

I just came in from roasting what promisses to be a fine batch of coffee beans - Sweet Marias' Espresso Monkey Blend - one of my favorites. But, now I smell like smoke because I roast in the garage without any ventilation. When it is chilly outside I roast with the garage door closed so the cold air won't affect the roast times. But, when someone opens the door, smoke billows out. I am sure I get strange looks. What's that's pastor doing in his garage anyway?

Why do I roast my own coffee? Because fresh roasted coffee is really, really good. And, I can feed my caffeine habit for about $5 per pound - about half the price of Starbucks. If anyone is interested in learning more about roasting their own coffee - Sweet Marias is the place to start. I have a link on this blog. Sweet Maria's will teach you everything you needed to know, and more. But, if you try to roast your own, don't even think about doing it inside your home - you will set off every fire alarm and your house will not smell like fresh roasted coffee, it will smell like burnt popcorn - for days. Trust me on this.

Thoughts about coffee grounds - part 2

2007-03-09T11:25:00.000-08:00

Ok - back to the coffee grounds. It's quite obviouse that the coffee grounds illustration is very similar to the illustration Jesus used when He called His followers “salt of the earth”. He went on to say that if the salt becomes tasteless, it has lost its usefulness. The point is clear. Salt is useful because of its beneficial influence on other things. And for 2,000 years the church has tried to determine what it means to be salt to its generation.

But what does it mean to become tasteless? I think we often end up communicating that only people who fit into an external mode of religious perfection are truly salty. It’s only the ones that have this Christian life all figured out, who don’t struggle much with sin and doubt and pain – those are the only ones who can truly represent Christ. That way of thinking causes a whole lot of us to just fake it – to look the part - to fit in to this Christian sub-culture that many of us are a part of. But, certainly that is not what Jesus meant by being “salty” is it? If so, the Pharisees of his day would have been the model for Jesus to point to. They were the religious elite and the model of religious perfection. They did everything right.

The New Testament church is filled with all kinds of people – selfish, bitter, angry, lustful, proud, hurt and wounded people. But, these are also people who have recognized their need for a savior and have placed their trust in Jesus Christ (or are on a journey toward doing so). They are people who have been burned and broken – who are being made whole but are not whole yet. The story of redemption is a painful one in all of our lives. It seems to me that coffee is not good in spite of the heat from the roaster or the pressure from the grinding wheel. It only has influence because of those things. Likewise, our brokenness (not just our brokeness before Christ, but our continued brokeness now) is a vital part of our redemption story. It has to be.

Pictoral update on the Holmes clan

2007-03-08T20:50:00.000-08:00

Since this is a brand new blog - and since many of my friends who might actually be interested in reading this blog haven't actually seen me or my family in a while (since we live in Kansas and all) - I thought it might be nice to post some recent pictures.

Here is Kelly and Abby and Emma in Colorado last October. I love this picture.

Here is Gracie in our backyard. I love this picture too.

Here's me and my best friend.

Thoughts about coffee grounds - part 1

2007-03-07T13:56:00.000-08:00

I love coffee. I really, really do. Like a lot of people, my love for good coffee started when Starbucks showed up in my neighborhood. I was quickly hooked. My coffee interest has now, however, turned into more than a simple craving. On my kitchen counter is a drip coffee maker, a French press coffee maker, an espresso machine and a coffee grinder. In my garage I do my own coffee roasting with 6 (very beat up) hot-air popcorn poppers. I’ve pretty much gone over the edge.

As I roast coffee from all over the world, I’ve learned a lot about coffee beans and how good coffee is made. On its journey from the coffee plantation to my coffee cup, there are many variables that effect the flavor: the country of origin, the soil properties of the coffee plantation, the type of bean, the method and time of harvest, the method of drying, the time and temperature and “roast curve” to a particular method of roasting, the “rest time” after roasting (but before grinding), the coarseness of the grind, the method of brewing, the proportions of coffee to water and the amount of time the coffee is in contact with the water. Just to name a few.

Seems a bit excessive, don’t you think? Especially for a product that ends up being thrown in the trash – as my coffee grounds are.

The interesting thing about coffee is that its only value is in its ability to influence the water that is around it. And, when done right, that hot water is turned into rich, flavorful, aromatic, caffeinated wonderfulness. All the effort was worth it. But, if for some reason the coffee is not able to properly transform the water (perhaps because it is left in the bag and never used, or because it was not properly roasted or ground – whatever) then what good is it? Rarely does someone eat a coffee bean straight. If it doesn’t bring about the desired change in water, then coffee has very little use at all.

An odd juxtaposition of incongruent elements

2007-03-03T08:06:00.000-08:00

As pretentious and ridiculous as that title is - it is the reason I am starting this blog.

Spring Break, 1992 - Monterrey, Mexico. I was there with Campus Crusade for Christ and another Christian ministry called Athletes in Action. The athletes would hold exhibition style competitions against the University of Monterey's basketball team and then between periods one of the athletes would share with the crowd about how he came to know and trust Jesus Christ. The rest of us just milled around the crowd and tried to start discussions with those who might be interesed in spiritual things. Hard to do when you don't speak Spanish. The students there were much more gracious than American students would have been with people who didn't know the language. They were very patient and eager to practice their English. It was a fun week, and I (like many in my CCC group) was just glad to get out of America and do something sort of exotic for our Spiring Break.

On one of the days there (the "tour-the-city-like-tourists" day) I, along with several of my friends and Crusade acquaintances were wandering the streets of Monterey, trying not to get lost. We came upon a very old, very tall, very ornate cathedral - which in and of itself is not that noteworthy; there are a lot of these in Monterey. On this one, however, up near the top, someone had mounted a big cross made out of bright blue neon lights.

What were they thinking? Were they trying to modernize - bring their church up to date? Were they attempting to reach a new culture with an old religion? Were they just trying to draw attention to themselves among a people who had no doubt already come to ignore that old building?

A fellow art major who was also a follower of Jesus Christ was standing next to me and we both saw the cathedral at the same time. "Well, there's an odd juxtaposition of incongruent elements", she said. I coudn't believe it. How can someone come up with a sentence like that off the top of her head? It was amazing. What perfect timing. That momement - that sentence was the most memborable part of the week. And now, 15 years later - it still rings in my ears, but for different reasons than it did before.

I have long felt like a bit of a square peg - like I don't quite fit in wherever I am. In art school as a follower of Christ, I definitely didn't fit in. In many ways I think that Christian artists live in the worst of both worlds. Evangelical Christians are too intolerant and closed-minded for the artistic community. The artistic community is seen as too weird for large sections of the Christian community. (I realize that there are pockets within the Evangelical Christian community where the arts are flourishing quite nicely, but that is a pretty late development. And, even then the musical arts are far outpacing the visual and performing arts.)

Even now, as an Evangelical Chirstian I find within myself an incongruous relationship with the Christian sub-culture in our country - a sub-culture that I am a part of. And I am a pastor for crying out loud. I am a leader within that sub-culture.

I wonder if people look at me and scratch their head. I am a city boy pastoring in a small town in Kansas. I love the arts; I roast my own coffee beans; I love good espresso; I build much of our own furniture; I listen to world music, and I love Jesus Christ. I am committed to God's Word and the old, old story of Jesus and his love - a story everyone needs to hear.

In some respects, I feel like the old cathedral with the neon cross - a mixture of odd cultures. So, here is my Holmes blend. This blog will be more for my benefit than anyone else's - a way to sort out my thoughts and explore the things I am interested in. If you have just taken the time to read this post, thanks. If you too, feel like an odd duck - be comforted. There is room for people like us.