I once was blind

I am writing from vacation. I had my big laser surgery this morning. It has been quite a couple of days.

Yesterday I went down for my pre-op exam for the doctors to determine just what needed to be done with my eyes. They told me to prepare myself for 2 hours of tests. They were looking at me for over 4 hours. I was seen by a technician and 3 doctors. Evidently I have really, really bad eyes. The quote of the day came from the technician who was getting a preliminary reading on my prescription. A machine would look into my eye and get a ballpark estimate of what my prescription would be. Once the machine was done and then indicated to the technician what my prescription was - her only response was, "wow" - quote of the day. I am not sure what these numbers mean, but the doctors tell me that I am at a negative 10 in one eye and a negative 13 in the other. People who know what those numbers mean all tell me the same thing, "wow, that's really bad."

My eyes are so bad in fact that they are almost too bad for laser surgery - I found out yesterday. With the amount of fixing that my eyes require combined with what the doctor called "a cornea that is a bit flatter than I would like", there is the outside chance that I will forever have a bit of a glow around light and edges - especially at night. He told me that he could get my vision down to where I could see the letters (in the 20/20 range) but that the edges might not be as "crisp" as you would like. I told him that my eyes have been so bad my whole life - I have never seen "crisp". I am a bit unsure as to what "crisp" actually looks like. We went ahead with the surgery.

I know several people that have had this surgery. They all tell me it is quick and painless - piece of cake - nothin' at all. Maybe I am just wimpy - or maybe there was a little more involved with my eyes than most, I don't know. But, when I left I said, "well, it wasn't too bad - but it sure wasn't nothin." After the flap is cut and peeled back and the then the laser starts working on the inside of the eye - making the corrections - it evidently takes about 30 seconds or so (for most people for the laser to the do the job). Mine took well over a minute for each eye. And there was a pretty strong burning smell. And that burning was... you guessed it - burning eyeball. It is a rather disconcerting smell actually. All the while the doctor is holding your head and saying, "don't move, don't move, don't move..."

After the surgery the doctor was very pleased with how it went. I could already tell, just minutes after the surgery that I was seeing sooo much better. He gave me a sleeping pill and then sent me home to take a nap. My vision is supposed to get better and better with each day over the coming days and weeks. I am already impressed that even today - just 7 hours after the surgery, I can see well enough to write this blog post without glasses or anything.

This is amazing.

Big fear #2

Continuing with my phobia theme.



Here is my big fear #2 - Missing out. I have this pretty significant fear that I am going to come to the end and realize that I missed it - that I missed the big opportunities, took a wrong turn, found myself a long way down the wrong road. But when I say I fear missing key opportunities, I am not talking about financial/investment/business/career opportunities. I think a lot of people fear missing their big chance to become successful and/or rich. I honestly don't have that fear - at least not too much. Partly that is because I am so completely inept when it comes to business and money. There is no way I would be able to tell the difference between a good business opportunity and a bad one - a good investment from a bad one. No way. If I feared missing my big chance to make money, I would be a basket case.

When I talk about opportunities, I am talking about ministry opportunities - opportunities to expand the kingdom - throw deep - make a difference.

I am of the belief that God's will for my life has much more to do with the type of person I am than the place that I am living or the job I am doing or whether or not I turn right or left today. I think that within the will of God we have a tremendous amount of freedom to pursue our passions, make decisions, pick a path. I don't fear missing God's will for my life. His will for me is plainly stated in Scripture. If you or I are trusting Christ and desiring to follow Him and be more like Him, it would be more difficult to be outside of His will than it would be to stay in it.

But, the decisions that we have freedom to make have real consequences. How many ministry opportunities am I faced with daily? I don't know. How many opportunities come and go unnoticed because I was in my own little world - thinking about something else? What would have happened had I made that phone call, engaged in that situation when I had the time, turned right instead of left? Who knows. Again, I don't fear that by turning left and not right I am somehow outside of God's will for my life. But, choosing one path necessarily means not choosing all the others. And, oftentimes, different paths go different directions.

I fear coming to the end and realizing that I missed a more adventurous path - a path of greater kingdom impact. Instead, I chose... not a sinful path - not a path outside of God's will - just... an easier path. A path with less rewards, less impact - a path of lesser resistance. I have a keen understanding that I only get one shot at this thing called life. I have the fleeting opportunity to magnify the glory of God in my flesh in the few short years I am here.

I don't want to miss it.

I really, really don't want to miss it.

Fears

I was talking to John (our new pastor of student ministries) the other day about blogs and whatnot. He thought it would be cool to have a section or theme on a blog just concerning phobias. John has some pretty cool phobias - up near the top are tornadoes. He is deathly afraid of tornadoes - which is actually quite understandable to be deathly afraid of something that could in fact kill you. But, in order to deal with his phobia - he decided to face it head on. He became a storm chaser. Isn't that great!? If I had a real and genuine phobia of tornadoes I would not become a storm chaser, and I certainly wouldn't be living in Kansas. I guess I am just a wimp.

So, to steal from John's idea, here are my top phobias. (Actually, I will probably just write about one now. I'll write about others in future posts.)

Phobia #1 - Water. This is without question at the top of the list. But, when I say water, I don't mean water in a glass or water in a shower. I mean large bodies of deep and deadly water. I don't mind looking at lakes or oceans - just so long as I don't have to get in the water or be over the water in a boat. I pretty much keep my distance whenever possible - just enjoy the view from terra firma - know what I mean? This fear is probably due to the fact that I didn't learn to swim until I was a teenager. As a child, I had one too many occasions when I legitimately thought I was going to drown simply because I was in water that was 6 inches too deep. After swallowing a lot of pool water as a kid, I finally swallowed my pride (as a jr. high student) and took basic swimming with all the 6 yr olds through our rec. department. We learned how to stick our face in the water - blow bubbles - kick and make splashes while holding on to the side of the pool - stuff like that. I did eventually learn how to swim, but I rarely look for the chance to do it.

Did you see the movie "Unbreakable" with Bruce Willis? There is a scene near the end when the main character falls into a pool that has a pool cover on it. He gets tangled and wrapped up in the cover UNDER WATER! I get the heebeegeebees just thinking about it. Water is the stuff my nightmares are made of.

But, unlike John, I have no desire to "face my fears head on" by becoming a rescue swimmer or deep sea diver or something like that. Nope. Not me.

Hello, my name is Fun Dad, and I am here to help you.

This past weekend Kelly took our oldest daughter to Kansas City for a sort of "coming of age" weekend. They went through some material produced by Family Life Ministries called "Passport to Purity". They had a lot of things to talk about. They had some great conversations. But, Kelly also made the weekend special by going to some fun places and eating at cool restaurants. They had a great weekend.


I held down the fort with Emma and Grace.

This was the first weekend that I could remember when I was in charge of the kids without Kelly around. Emma looked at me on Saturday morning and said, "So, what are we going to do?" I hadn't really thought about that.

Emma started feeling pretty left out and a bit sorry for herself that her big sister was having this great weekend with mom and she was stuck at home with dad. I can't say that I blame her. I would much rather spend the weekend with Kelly than with me.

I then decided to be "fun dad" for the weekend (instead of "boring dad" - which is a role I feel more comfortable in). We went to the store and bought food for the weekend - whatever happened to look good at the time (pastries, stuff for french toast, cokes, etc.). We went to a cool store that sells stuff from all over the world and we banged on some bongo drums. We rented and watched a movie. We had friends over to play Settlers of Katan. We went out for ice cream.

All and all we had a pretty good weekend at home. Way too many sweets though. Blech. My stomach is still not feeling very happy with me.

I am glad I don't have to be "fun dad" every weekend.

Update for Aug 14

Over the past several weeks - every time I have thought about this blog I have felt like a bit of a loser. I keep telling myself, "I'll write another post once I have something witty or inspiring or insightful to say." Alas... nothing.

How do you do it Jenna? For those of you who don't know Jenna - she is a super stud. She was in the youth group I led in Iowa - now she is in Dallas while her husband goes to Seminary. She is a blogging machine - and most of time it is funny too. I stand in awe. You can learn more than you ever wanted to know about Jenna at http://jennawoestman.blogspot.com/

Since I don't have anything terribly insightful to share - here is a basic update.

1. Because of an incredibly generous gift, it looks like I am going to get laser surgery on my eyes. Yep, Greg Holmes will finally be able to see - without contacts or glasses or anything. I am super, super excited. I have been wearing glasses since I was four years old. I am not sure when the surgery will be - I still have to go through the consultations and all that jazz. I can't wait.

2. We finally got the electric fence installed for our dog. I'm a believer. Dogs plus electricity is a really good equation.

3. Our new youth pastor is here. (His official title is Pastor of Student Ministries). Man, what a cool guy. He has been here for about a month. Our church in incredibly fortunate to have him.

4. My barista wife is loving here new part-time job. She has been able to have some great conversations with her co-workers and is learning to make some nifty espresso drinks. No discounts for spouses of employees, however - which is a poor business model if you ask me.

5. It is unbelievably hot here. This is like the third or fourth week in a row with heat indexes well over 100 degrees. I think I am getting soft in my middle age. I can't seem to get from the house to the car without feeling like I am starting to wilt. I am ready for fall.

In which I do pre-marital counseling for a couple twice my age

As a pastor I do a fair share of weddings. I also do a good bit of pre-marital counseling before those weddings take place. I have never thought of myself as much of a counselor, but I enjoy doing pre-marital sessions. Kelly and I had great counsel before our marriage. We are still benefiting from the wisdom we received.

I am currently doing pre-marital counseling with a couple that is definitely "out of the norm" for me. Usually, the couples I deal with are pretty young (usually twentysomethings). This couple is seventysomething. They had both lost their mate to death and have found each other later in life.

I think that pre-marital counseling is important, even in this type of situation because we all bring baggage in our relationships. We have certain ways we respond to stress, certain ways we resolve conflict, certain beliefs about money, etc, etc. These things need to be talked through. And so, I feel I can made a good case as to why this type of counseling is important, no matter your age. However, it is still a bit intimidating to be the pastor in this situation. Who am I to tell them anything? One of the individuals was married for close to 50 years! They should be counseling me.

Can I just say that I love this couple? Wow. They are so quick to admit their faults; so quick to admit that they don't have all the answers; so transparent in their desire to honor God in their marriage; so eager to learn principles that can benefit them in the future; so humble; so gracious. I love their dependence upon the Holy Spirit as they move into a new chapter of life. I love their sense of adventure.

It seems like age either makes people harder or softer - bitter or better - more gracious or more intolerant. As people get older they tend to move toward the extremes. A gracious person becomes very gracious. A bitter person, very bitter.

I am glad I have people in my life that can show me the way and paint a picture of what it means to age well. God bless them.

The Coffee Expert

Up until recently I was the resident coffee expert in the family. That is, until my wife became a bonifide "barista".

Kelly took a job at our favorite hang out in town, called "Lincoln Perk". It's a pretty cool place - good coffee, espresso drinks, panini sandwiches - they even sell "gelato" (a special kind of ice cream). Kelly will be working very part-time, but she hopes it will allow her to get some much needed adult interaction every week, help her meet people outside of our church and bring in a little extra money for fun stuff as a family. She is enjoying her new job. I am very happy for her.

Only one problem - I am not sure how I feel about her being the new coffee expert around here. She was telling me the other day about the technique difference between steaming milk for a latte and frothing milk for a cappuccino. News to me. It made me feel kind of strange.

I feel like I need to hand over my frothing pitcher and espresso cups to the new sheriff in town.

That's ok - I guess. I still have my grill. I am still the king around here when it comes to grilling burgers and steaks.

That is - until Kelly decides to learn how to do that too.