Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Kelly and I know how to put away the groceries

Yesterday was Kelly and my wedding anniversary. 14 years! Happy Anniversary to us. Last night we went on our big anniversary date which included dinner at PF Changs. We got to the restaurant late (8:00pm - which is late for us). But even at 8:00pm we had to wait 30 minutes to be seated. By the time we finally sat down we were hungry enough to eat the table.

We quickly ordered an appetizer (which is rare for us - we're pretty cheap).

Then, the manager brings us a second appetizer - for free. How great is that? Evidently it had been made by mistake for another table that didn't want it. He asked if we wanted it. Well... yeah!

Then our entrees came. We were sitting at a table for four and we had to rearrange our plates to make them all fit. So great! What a feast. The amazing part... we ate it all (except for one lettuce wrap). Our waiter was actually laughing at us that we were eating so much.

Then we had a piece of chocolate cake (called The Great Wall of Chocolate). It was our anniversary after all. We couldn't finish the cake though - it was ginormous. We had met our match.

All in all, it was feast worthy of a true celebration. Kelly is my greatest earthly blessing. I love the fact that we get to be married. Happy anniversary, Kelly.

Perhaps, by next May 22 I'll be hungry again.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Dull

Starting this blog has made me feel at times like Peter at the Transfiguration. Peter, not knowing what to say, said...

Not much writing lately because I haven't felt like it and I haven't really known what to say. I have not been feeling terribly eloquent - or clever - or creative. I am actually feeling quite dull of brain and spirit.

But, I know that God is still at work in and around me. Sometimes it just doesn't look like it... or feel like it. It comes as no shock to anyone who might be reading this blog to know that even pastors go through times of dryness and distance - when the glory of the "mission" seems squashed by daily, mundane maintenance - when the pleasures of sweet communion seem much more real in theory than experience.

Today, my mind is drawn back to a dog-eared prayer in one of my favorite books by A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God. Here it is (changing "thee" and "thy" to "you" and "your").

"Oh God, I have tasted your goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed at my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want you; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me your glory, I pray, so that I may know you indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me the grace to rise and follow you up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long."

Isn't that good? This prayer is dog-eared is because I have visited it before. On many occasions - spanning years and years - I have felt the same longing, the same frustration. Is that a shameful thing - that I feel just as needy now as I did then? I hope not, because it seems to be the story of my journey. God seems to teach me dependence, not through success and mission advancement, but through times of dryness, inadequacy and a profound discontent with who I really am.

I am in one of those times.


By the way - the Honduran team had a great trip. They gave away tons of food packs; they equipped a hospital and a clinic with much needed medicine and equipment; they fitted and gave away all-terrain wheelchairs to very eager recipients. Good job. No coffee - but I guess I'll let that slide.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

International Coffee Broker

There is an orphanage in Honduras that several of the folks from our church help out with. We sent a team down last week with a whole 18-wheeler size trailer full of supplies (including an x-ray machine for a local hospital there, several thousand bottles of antibiotics and 100 wheelchairs - among other things). Very cool.

My one request of the team - find me some good coffee to bring back. But, I don't want roasted coffee that will go stale in a couple of weeks - I want green coffee, still in the burlap sack (I roast my own coffee). And, it needs to be good quality, high grown Arabica beans. No problem, right?

They quickly informed me that I would need to tell them where to go and who to talk to get those beans. This proved to be much more difficult than I thought it would be.

I should have realized that stateside coffee wholesalers would not be too eager to tell people like me where to get good quality coffee. (Current "fair trade" price is about $1.39/lb - which means market driven, non fair-trade coffee has to be around $1/lb or less. And, considering the fact that coffee roasting is not a terribly difficult or expensive art - it is amazing that the same $1/lb coffee is being sold for $12 -$16/lb or $1.50-$4/cup in coffee shops. No wonder Starbucks is making a killing.) That being said, I was very much on my own.

I found a promising Honduran Fair Trade Coffee Cooperative web site. Too bad it was all in Spanish (and Google translator wouldn't work). My four years of Spanish in middle school and high school did me no good - what a waste. For a few brief moments I tried to muster my courage to make the international call to the phone number on the web site. But, I just knew someone would answer and say, "hola, como estas?" - and I would be completely lost. I wrote down the phone number and the address and gave it to our team. "Call them" I said. It was the best I could do.

One of the team members called me yesterday to tell me they couldn't get a hold of anyone at that number. On to plan "B". They said they talked to someone who knows someone, who knows someone, who... could connect them to a grower up in the mountains. Who knows what they will get. Who knows if they will be able to get the beans past customs. They might have to "smuggle" it. They'll probably get arrested. I'll probably get arrested. You'll probably see me on the news.

All I wanted was coffee.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Why don't we pray more?

Loaded question, I know. If I could solve the problem of why Christians pray so little, I could write a book and make lots of money.

A little over a week ago I preached a sermon about the time when the apostles were unable to cast out a demon (Luke 9; Mark 9; Matt. 17). In Matthew's account Jesus says their inability is due to the littleness of their faith (which is not really a littleness in "quantity" because faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain. Somehow, the "littleness" refers to their regard toward the object of their faith - for it is God's Spirit which moves mountains. Zech. 4:6-7). In Mark's account it is clear that what the apostles were trying to accomplish can only be done through prayer. The disciples weren't trusting which was evidenced by their lack of prayer.

But, earlier in Luke chapter 9, Jesus sent the 12 out to proclaim the kingdom, heal the sick and cast out demons. Jesus empowered them to do these things. Then, just a few verses later - because of their lack of faith and lack of prayer - the 12 are found impotent to do what they are already empowered to do.

Isn't that interesting?

They had a history of success and some understanding of their own empowerment. Evidently, they didn't think they needed to trust anymore - didn't really need to pray.

This gives me tremendous insight as to why I often pray so little. We do the things that are important to us. The reason we are not fervent in prayer is because deep down we don't think we really need to be. Somehow we think we can make it on our own - do it on our own.

But, I know better. I really do. I have seen Him answer prayer. I know the commands of Scripture. I know how important prayer is. I know how wonderful it can be. When I set aside a significant amount of time for prayer, I gain new perspective on my circumstances; I usually feel refreshed and connected to my creator. Invariably I ask myself why I don't do that everyday. I don't know the answer.

In my marriage - I love praying with Kelly. It draws us together as a couple. I can feel closer to her and to God at the same time - how great is that? So, why don't I initiate prayer with my wife on a daily basis? I am not quite sure.

We had a prayer gathering at church this past weekend. What a wonderful time. I love hearing the murmur of prayer huddles scattered throughout a large room. I left thinking, "why don't we do this more often?" Not sure - just not a priority, I guess.

I think we all feel a measure of guilt over this. Somehow, none of us feel like we are where we are supposed to be. And, usually our solution has to do with frequency and duration. "I am committing to praying more frequently and for longer periods of time", we say. But, I don't think that frequency is the problem. Frequency is the symptom. It's a heart problem - it's a dependency problem - an arrogance problem - a problem of self-sufficiency. When we feel the distinct need for God, we pray. The reason we don't "pray always" is because we don't always feel the need for God. Plain and simple. That's our problem.