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There and back again; A Holmes' Tale

About 11 years ago Kelly and I packed up all our worldly possessions, strapped in our toddler and our newborn, and we headed north. I had just finished 4 years at Dallas Theological Seminary and we were off to full-time vocational ministry in the great Mid West. Those 11 years have been quite an adventure. We went places we had never been; we met tons of wonderful people; we faced difficult challenges, and made great friends. Through it all God has taken care of us and has given us the opportunity to be a part of his mission. Now we are back - back in Big D - the home of the Cowboys, Tex-Mex, good barbecue, and terrible traffic.

Big D is also the home of my brother and sister in-law, Brian and Melanie - who are among my most favorite people in the world. Through grace and generosity they are alowing my family of five to invade their beautiful home during this time of transition. They are pretty awesome people. We just hope they don't get too sick of us.

Over the next few weeks Kelly and I will be reconnecting with old friends, chasing down job opportunities and trying our best to decompress and relax. We'll see how that goes.

I've been wondering how to say this

I haven't posted on this blog in over two months. It's not that I haven't had anything on my mind. Just the opposite. I have just had precious little that I could share in a forum as public as this. I am going through a tremendous time of transition right now - a transition that impacts me, my family and my church. About a month or so ago Kelly and I made the decision that it was time for me to step out of the sr. pastor role at Garden Community Church. There is nothing immoral or unethical going on - I was not asked to leave - my marriage is fine - I didn't steal from the church - none of that. We simply came to the conclusion that the church needed a different kind of leader and I need a better ministry fit.



The last couple of weeks have been painful for a lot of people - including me. Lots of questions. Lots of conversations. It's been hard on everyone.



Kelly and I are not sure what comes next for us. While we realize that it is not usually the way of wisdom to resign a position without a clear path ahead - we felt it was time to move on nonetheless. I have had several job conversations over the past few weeks as I have tried to figure out where we are going to land. Nothing set yet. Kelly and I are planning on relocating closer to family in either San Antonio, Dallas or Des Moines. Each of those cities not only represent great places to live long-term, but also soft places for us to land during a time of transition. If you think about it, please pray that God will make straight our path.



On a happy note - we got an offer on our house as soon as word got out that it would be for sale. We are still figuring out the contract details. I hope it all works out - that would be great.

The Power of Art

I, along with everyone else that I have talked to who watched the opening ceremony of the Olympics sat stunned at what I was seeing. We have entered into a new realm. A new bar has been set. Wouldn't you hate to be an Olympic organizer for the 2012 London games? What an act to follow. The artistry, the beauty, the technology, the precision, the excellence bordering on absolute perfection - it was an incredible show.

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And more than a little intimidating.

China is such a mystery to those of us in the West. We know that China is huge, but sometimes we forget just how huge (one out of every 5 people on the planet live there). They have a terrible record on human rights - a record they don't want anyone else to know about. They are an economic power, they are a military power, they desperately want to be seen as a technological power. It is strange, however, to have a country that is that big and that powerful and still, I (as a fairly educated person) know virtually nothing about China. They remain such a mystery. I watched the opening ceremonies in part to learn something. I wanted to see how China would handle that opportunity.

They gave me an eyeful.

If a country wants to project societal strength, technological advancement, solid history and military power - that country has some options as to who they want to handle the task of communicating such truths. They could give the stage to politicians, scientists, historians and military generals.

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Or they could hand that task to the artists.

You can display strength to the rest of the world by parading an endless line of soldiers and tanks, or you can employ 2000 drummers and essentially get across the same message.

I wonder how many others while watching that show went from delight, to wonder, to awe, to being a little creeped out and perhaps a bit frightened? At some point you cross a line from praiseworthy precision in large groups - to fear of the storm troopers who act as one. I realize that the term "storm trooper" is way too strong and perhaps a bit offensive. I know that those drummers and dancers have lives of their own with families who love them and a God who created them in His image. What I am trying to say is that the image of strength portrayed and resulting intimidation that I felt was quite possibly intended.

Only an artist of very high caliber could have created that kind of emotional response within me. Art is a powerful thing. It is able to touch us in ways that rational communication cannot. Which is why art should be seen as so very important to the Christian community. When the church fails to be actively involved in excellent and relevant art - we essentially hand over to those outside the Body of Christ a powerful tool for the shaping of the mind and the emotions and the spirit of the culture in which we live. The most underutilized assets that the church has at its disposal are not its theologians or its Christians politicians or even its pastors - but rather its artists. Theologically sound individuals who through years of hard work have achieved a level excellence in the performing arts, visual arts, musical arts, and literary arts often have a unique ability to communicate profound truth with depth and simplicity. They can communicate in ways others cannot. They can touch areas that are deep within you - areas that are hard to reach.

Perhaps there are lessons we need to learn from the Olympics. The reason the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics were as profound, moving, awe inspiring, intimidating, and slightly disturbing as they were is precisely because a highly skilled, highly knowledgeable, highly motivated, and highly funded artist was calling the shots.

The Olympics are starting! The Olympics are starting!

I am super pumped about the Olympics. I will be watching way too much television over the next couple of weeks. Kelly and I are already trying to figure out how we are going to handle the appearance of hypocrisy in front of our kids. We have made very clear to our children that if you watch too much TV, your brain turns into mashed potatoes. I am calling for a special dispensation at Olympic time. It is perfectly fine to zone out in front of the tube for the next two weeks - as long as you are watching a sport that you only get to see during the Olympics.

Which kind of brings up a beef that I have - not with the Olympics, but with Olympic coverage. I want to see the obscure stuff - rowing, badminton, fencing, ping pong - that kind of stuff. The problem is - NBC would rather show a gymnast eating dinner than a badminton match. My feeling is there are opportunities to see gymnastics throughout the year. If you watch Sunday afternoon sports regularly you'll know that the World Championships, the Olympic Trials along with other gymnastic competitions are indeed televised. I would just as soon they not show anything but the highlights of gymnastics. There is so much other cool stuff to watch. Show me the drama in the Taekwondo ring. (I don't even know the rules of Taekwondo - what a great time to learn). What are the odds that I will be able to catch some good archery competition, or kayaking, or handball? Probably not very good. Now, granted, I know nothing of those sports. They might be very boring to watch. But, the job of the network is to make me excited about it. They are missing a golden opportunity. There are only a couple of times every decade when I am willing to devote hours to watching and learning about a sport that I care nothing about. You get the Olympic spirit and find yourself cheering on athletes you have never heard of from countries you have never visited playing sports you don't understand. Isn't that great?

It remains to be seen if NBC will capitalize on their opportunity or if they will just show non-stop swimming, gymnastics and track and field.

From their perspective it probably doesn't much matter. I am going to watch anyway.

of bad backs and robots

bad backs

I am still hobbling around because of my gimpy back. I am amazed at variety of opinions I have received regarding lower back pain. I had no idea. Passionate opinions too. I must see a chiropractor; I must not go to a chiropractor; I really need physical therapy; Vitamin B helps nerves; stretch, stretch, stretch; rest and don't aggravate it; exercise; Have I considered a massage?; Codeine; muscle relaxants; heat; ice; reflexology; I probably need better shoes.

It is clear that a lot of people care for me and want to help any way they can. I am touched by their concern. I am still a little fuzzy about what I should be doing, however. Too much information - too many options. The only things I have done so far have been stretching and Codeine. (I have become a big fan of Codeine - it makes all your problems go away - I like it a lot). I am seeing the Doc again tomorrow. I think they will take X-rays. We'll see.

My buddy Rob things I am just being a wimp and that I just need to quit my crying and toughen up. He's a real friend.

Robots

My 12 yr old daughter Abby, just finished a week long robotics camp at Wichita State University. She and the other middle school students on her team worked all day, day after day, designing, building, and programing robots to perform certain tasks in competition with other teams. It was really cool - and she did awesome. It was strange, though, watching her at work. She seemed so much older sitting there with her laptop and wires everywhere trying to program her robot to use echo-location sensors so it doesn't bump into things, or light sensors so her robot can differentiate between colors. It was really quite impressive. And, it's all over my head. I find myself wanting to say things like, "well, I'll be" and "It's amazing what they can do these days" and "I never would have believed it" and "in my day we just read about robots and watched them in movies" - things like that.

My aging back and my aging kids are making me feel quite... aged.

Ed Knippers and the theology of the body

Some of you may already be quite familiar with the artist who painted the above painting - many of you are probably not familiar with him. Let me introduce you. His name is Edward Knippers and his work touches on several themes, but most notably is the theology of the body. Looking at his work and reading his "artist's statement" on his web site highlights for me once again the confusion that many in the evangelical camp seem to have about the place and importance of our physical bodies. (I am not saying that Knippers is confused - I am saying his work highlights confusion that is all around us).

I believe that much of conservative evangelicalism leans way too heavy toward gnosticism (a belief that places much greater importance upon the spiritual realm than the physical realm - to the point that the physical realm has very little importance at all). One of the teachings that the Apostle Paul consistently battled against was gnosticism. And, while none of us would admit to being gnostic, it seems to show up in the way we talk and act. We shy away from ministries that focus solely on physical needs. We are so afraid of the "social gospel" label. "We preach the gospel", we say. "Feeding the poor is what them dad-gum liberals do".

We emphasize Christ's death and not His resurrection. Even less do we emphasize our own physical resurrection. We emphasize heaven and speak of eternal life in spiritual terms only. We talk and sing about physical death as if it were a good thing - a chance to fly away and be with Jesus. Death is the heartbreaking result of the fall. Death is an awful thing - but it will one day be done away with.

John Buerger - our Pastor of Student Ministries has a great blog post about this issue - here

Well, anyway - Ed Knippers deals with this issue too. Check him out here. Make sure you read his "artist's statement". Warning - the "physicality" of his figures might make you uncomfortable to look at. He definitely prompts conversation and thought.

My aching back

My back has aged about 20 years over the last 2 weeks. I don't know what has happened to me. I can't stand for more than about 10 minutes without sitting down. (This last weekend I had to preach from a stool. I have been told that preaching from a stool makes me look hip and cool - which is a nice added benefit I suppose - not that I need any help looking hip and cool.) I'd give up the hipness if my back didn't hurt so bad. My lower back feels like it is collapsing under the weight of my torso. The pain continues when I lie down. It just aches. I don't know what I did to it.

The only time it feels ok is when I sit with bad posture - you know - kind of slouching. Supposedly, slouching is bad for your back. Not mine I guess.

Most people have lower back pain - at least that is what I have been told. I guess it is my turn now.

It stinks.

A humbling morning

My blog page has been fairly quiet because I haven't felt the liberty to share many of the things on my mind. Personal conversations and sensitive ministry issues are not material for blog discussions. Through it all I have been feeling quite introspective and a little sorry for myself.



Within the context of that self-pity, I decided to get out of the office this morning and spend some time with a few folks that I hadn't talked to in a little while. One dear woman is taking care of her husband who cannot take care of himself. Her husband is staying in a nursing home because he is too heavy for her to lift. She comes in every day and feeds him lunch and then when he rests in the afternoon, she goes home and rests. She then comes back in the evening and feeds him supper. Every day. I asked her if she has much opportunity to get together with other ladies - just for fun. Not much.



Another dear man I spent time with also has to be away from his wife quite a bit because of health issues. His Parkinson's disease and cancer have required more care than his wife can handle. But his brain is in great shape. He thinks a lot as he sits... and waits. He shared a poem with me about how blessed he is and how he desires to be a living testimony of the power of Christ.



The third person I spent time with was a woman who was recently moved out of her home and into an apartment within the nursing home here in town. She is getting old. Her kids are scared that she is going to fall. So, now she can no longer do many of the things that she used to love to do. She is in a new environment. Her kids are all far away. Her new apartment does not have a full kitchen with an oven, but the facility where she stays lets her use their oven to bake pies for the homeless shelter. She has made a conscious decision not to complain and to be an encouragement to all around her. I know of no one who is acquainted with this dear woman who does not overflow in praise for one so gracious, loving, kind, generous and joyful. What an amazing woman.



The fourth person I visited was a woman who just recently had knee replacement surgery. She lives by herself, so mobility and independence is very important to her. She was ecstatic that she is now able to walk to the mail box and back with nothing but a cane. She can also take a shower by herself. She was rejoicing and giving glory to God for His gentle care.



I went as their pastor - to be an encouragement. However, it is clear that I needed them in my life today much more than they needed me.



I am discovering that a good prescription for self-pity is to be around godly people who live under much worse circumstances than I do, and are still able to maintain their composure and exude grace and joy. I have so very much to learn.



Thank you Marguerite and Jim and Helen and Lena. You all ministered to me today.

Update May 17

It's been a while since I have written. Here's what's going on with the family.

Emma had her orientation at the middle school. We are going to have two daughters in middle school at the same time. Ready or not, here it comes.

Abby is getting more and more hardware added to her mouth. Now, along with the normal braces she has a pin acting as an anchor between two of the roots of her teeth; she has a bar going along the side of her teeth and a rubber band connecting things together. It looks painful, but she's not complaining too much.

Vacation is coming! Vacation is coming! In two days we will be heading to San Antonio. It's been nearly a year since we have been down there as a family. I have been suffering from vacationitus for the last couple of weeks. We are all looking forward to getting away for a while.

While we are in Texas, Kelly and I will be spending a night and a day in Austin - just the two of us. Austin is where we met and spent the first two years of marriage. We'll eat at great restaurants and stay in a fancy hotel. We are both super excited.

I've started running again - sort of. I am taking it really slow - trying to be gentle on my gimpy knee.

I went to a conference down at DTS a couple of weeks back. It was called "beyond the doors of the church". It was pretty good. Since we are rapidly turning into a "post-Christian" culture, the church in America will increasingly need to learn how to view and interact with culture the way missionaries interact with theirs. It sounds like an obvious statement to say that the church needs to see itself as group of missionaries to the culture in which they live. Most churches are far from that reality, however.

I finished The Lord of the Rings with Abby. She loved it. Her and I then watched The Fellowship of the Ring movie (the long version). She loved that too - pretty intense though. I think she is going to wait a while until she sees The Two Towers. Now I am reading through the Chronicles of Narnia with Emma. We are starting with The Magician's Nephew because chronologically, the events of that book predate all the others. We haven't gotten very far into the book - so far so good though. We are both enjoying it a lot.

It's been a glorious spring here in Kansas. It's been a long spring - it has taken a while to jump into summer. Our gardens are looking awesome. Flowers are blooming and the birds are singing.
That's about it.

potty emergencies

Kelly and I had a great idea yesterday. Our small-group from church was scheduled to meet at our house, but we had one child that was not feeling that great. Being unsure of whether or not Emma was acually sick (and possibly contagious) we decided to move the venue outdoors so that all the other children (and adults) would not be stuck in a house with sick germs.


We had our small-group meet at a park not far from our house. It was a pretty good plan. The kids would be able to play on the playscapes while the adults talked at the picnic tables. Abby and Grace and I went out early and claimed our tables - just in case any other pesky church groups had the same idea. All was going well... until people started asking where the bathrooms were.


We had kind of forgotten about that detail.


We had a whole lotta kids who "had to go potty real bad", but there was nothing close by. Parents had to get into their cars and drive them to restrooms. And, of course, the kids didn't all have to go at the same time. They were all about 15 minutes apart. Some of them had to go more than once. We had quite the rotation of cars coming and going.


Meanwhile - here is "Pastor Greg" trying to lead meaningful discussion about the Christian life among our group. And, my group is so great - so polite. They were nodding at statements, answering questions, participating in conversation. All the while, one by one, they were called away by children who really had to pee.


I am sure it would have looked quite comical to an outside observer. But, no one complained. I think everyone was just happy to be together on a beautiful spring evening. Everyone stayed till well past the kid's bedtimes and it was too dark to see. And, while I certainly won't make the mistake again of taking my group to a place that has no restrooms, I still think the evening went quite well.

Somehow, meeting around picnic tables in a park without restrooms took some of the polish off or our normal meeting times. Usually we meet in a comfortable living room with good lighting and soft music - and adequate restroom facilities. Tonight was very different. It was a good reminder of just how ordinary we all are. And, while we have real and complex issues that need to be talked through with other Christ followers, we nevertheless, live in an ordinary world - a world in which children just can't "hold it" for very long.

Dad, we have to keep reading

I feel a bit like a blog flunky. I tell my friends and family that I have a blog and then promise to keep it updated with info about me and the family - and then I just sort of... run out of things to say. If you have checked this blog over the last few weeks, thanks. Sorry I have been so lazy.

I did actually write a post on tax day - three days ago. It was a rather negative post, however, because of the amount we owed in taxes. I didn't end up publishing it - which is probably best.

It is now Friday afternoon and I feel much better than I did on tax day. I thought I would write about something much more pleasant.

A couple of months ago I mentioned that I was reading aloud the Lord of the Rings series to my oldest daughter. We are still going at it. She is enjoying the story a lot - I am enjoying the one-on-one time I get to spend with her. It's been great.

I went home for lunch today and read some more. We just finished "book 5" which is in the middle of "The Return of the King". If it has been a while since you have read those books, "book 5" ends with the suicidal assault on Mordor. The last scene has Pippen hearing eagles right before he blacks out because of the troll which just fell on top of him.

Here is the conversation between Abby and me after we finished the chapter.

Abby: Dad, we have to keep reading.
Me: I have to go back to work.
Abby: But... DAD!?
Me: Sweetie, I have to go back to the office.
Abby: Is Pippen dead?
Me: I can't tell you that.
Abby: But, Dad... we have to keep reading.
Me: Abby, I can't.
Abby: What's the next chapter called?
Me: The Tower of Cirith Ungol
Abby: Is it about Frodo?
Me: I can't tell you that.
Abby: DAD!?!

I love it.

A visit to the principal's office

Yesterday was a first for the Holmes' household. Kelly and I met with the principal of the Hesston public middle school to start the process of enrolling Abby and Emma for this next fall. That's right, our two home schooled kids will be braving the wild and woolly world of jr. high. They will officially enter the ranks of the Mighty Fighting Swathers.

(Those not from this area might be wondering what exactly a "swather" is. Fair question. It's a piece of farm equipment used to make hay bales.)

Yep. That's our mascot.

We had a very good visit with the principal. We also had a chance to meet the school counselor, a few of the teachers, the lunch ladies, and Lilly (the school's Golden Retriever who has free reign to walk the halls and go in and out of classrooms - very cool).

Kelly and I were very encouraged by our visit. I am looking forward to this new chapter in our family's life. Abby and Emma are nervous - which is to be expected - it's all very new. But, I am so proud of them. They are going to do awesome.

Spring, spring - glorious spring

In one of C.S. Lewis' books (I can't remember which one), he talks about the delicate balance between our need for permanence and our need for change. We each have both of those needs - in differing degrees. As a pastor I deal with people on both ends of the spectrum. Some have a high need for permanence and get very nervous whenever they experience any type of change. Others have a high need for change and feel bored and stagnant whenever things stay the same for too long. But, even those who love permanence don't eat the same food every day. We all need change - at least a little. Even those who love change feel uneasy when the thing being changed is something near and dear to their heart. We all need something secure to count on.

We need all need both change and permanence, but they seem at odds with one another.

The balance between the two is found in... rhythm.

We live in a cycle of rhythm every year in the coming and going of seasons. Every winter I long for spring. I desperately desire the change that spring brings. But is it really change? Every year spring is pretty much the same as the previous year. I know what to expect. I am not longing for something new and different. I am appreciating the cycle of the seasons. The seasons illustrate a permanent cycle of change. Spring feels new and exciting... every year.

Much the same happens within the church. I do not come from a tradition that puts much stock in the formal church calendar. But, even within my tradition we all look forward to singing the same songs at Christmas time, I cry at our Good Friday service... every year. Every time I celebrate Communion it is a little bit different - but for 2,000 years communion has remained very much the same. The Old Testament feasts and festivals illustrate this year by year cycle of change. There is a time for feasting, a time for fasting, a time for weeping, a time for laughing. It is not right to weep all the time. Nor is it right to laugh all the time.

Rhythm walks the line between permanence and change. Rhythm lets me grasp permanence and change at the same time.

I plan on tilling up a vegetable garden this evening when I get home. This weekend I plan on dividing and transplanting some perennials that are already coming up. In a couple of months flowers will be blooming and my family and I will be eating fresh lettuce from our garden. How do I know these things will happen? Because I know that in God's unchanging nature - winter will not last forever. Change is coming. The flowers will bloom. The birds will sing. This night will end. Our unchanging God brings necessary change into our lives.

I love spring.

Release The Cracken

When I was a kid there was a cheesy movie called Clash of the Titans. Other than the laughable special effects, the only memorable thing from the movie was the line, "release The Cracken". The Cracken is a mythological sea monster held in bondage at the bottom of sea by the Greek gods. The Cracken is a really bad thing.

I feel like The Cracken has been living in our home for about a month now.

Our family has been sick... for a month. We keep passing sicknesses around to each other. I guess that is what families do. We share.

And since it is not yet spring-time, it is still too cold to open the windows and air the place out. It's like we are living in a thermos bottle of germs. I just want to let the wind blow through - get that Cracken out of here.

Well, I thought we were all better. Kelly and the girls headed up the Iowa to see her sister's new baby and catch up with some friends. While at the house of one of our friends, Abby got sick... again.

I am so tired of this.

On a more positive note - perhaps if we export The Cracken to Cedar Rapids it will leave us alone.

Quote of the day - Friday 2/15

I have been re-reading Under the Unpredictable Plant by Eugene Peterson. This book, along with others by Peterson written specifically to pastors has proven to be great grounding for me. He is within a Christian tradition that is slightly different from the one I occupy or have been raised in. But, he writes of the pastoral vocation with a beauty and honesty that is rare among contemporary authors.

Here is a good quote:


"The Psalms are the school for people learning to pray. Fundamentally, prayer is our response to the God who speaks to us. God's word is always first. He gets the first word in, always. We answer. We come to consciousness in a world addressed by God. We need to learn how to answer, really answer - not merely Yesser, Nosir - our whole being in response. How do we do this? We don't know the language. We are so under-developed in this God-addressed world. We learn well enough how to speak to our parents and pass examinations in our schools and count out the right change at the drugstore, but answering God? Are we going to make do by trial and error? Are we going to get by on what we overhear in the streets? Israel and Church put the Psalms into our hands and say, "Here, this is our text. Practice these prayers so that you learn the full range and the vast depth of your lives in response to God.

For eighteen hundred years virtually every church used this text. Only in the last couple of hundred years has it been discarded [as our prayer guide]...

For there is no lack of the impulse to pray. And there is no scarcity of requests to pray. Desire and demand keep the matter of prayer before us constantly. So why are so many lives prayerless? Simply because "the well is deep and you have nothing to draw with." We need a bucket. We need a container that holds water. Desire and demands are a sieve. We need a vessel suited to lowering desires and demands into the deep Jacob's Well of God's presence and word and bringing them to the surface again. The Psalms are such a bucket. They are not the prayer itself but the most adequate container for prayer that has ever been devised. Refusal to use this psalms-bucket, once we comprehend its function, is willfully wrong-headed. It is not impossible, perhaps, to construct a container of a different shape and material that will serve makeshift. It has certainly been done often enough. But why settle for such as that when we have this magnificently designed and spaciously proportioned container given to us and at hand?"

I am not sure why these paragraphs impact me as hard as they do. I was not raised in a Christian environment that values the past. My Christian tradition proudly proclaims that it has abandoned old Christian traditions. We no longer recite prayers or creeds. Even though nearly two millennia of Christians have used memorized creeds and prayers to develop the spiritual life, we don't do such things anymore. We've moved on. And, granted, I think there is a lot to be said about seeing a relationship with God as individual and unique, free from (empty) ritual and recitations. Ritual and recitations often end up producing empty religion and legalism.

But in our protection of individuality and our drive for personal religious experience, I think we have lost something. We no longer give people the Psalms and say, "study these and learn how to pray." We value individuality too much for that. We tell people to "speak your heart". Which is certainly true to say – God hears our heart – we don’t need fancy language. But, I think it is also true that the Psalms reveal aspects of the heart that we didn't know were there. The Psalms take us deeper.

I guess I am writing all this because I have been feeling pretty "shallow" lately. And I am coming to believe that generations of Christ's followers were probably on to something by seeing the Psalms as their prayer guide.

Without meaning to, I think I have neglected God's tool to take me deeper in my prayer life. God gave me this book in my Bible - for a reason.

Happy Valentine's Day

When you are surrounded by women like I am (with a wife and 3 daughters), you forget Valentine’s Day at your own peril. This is a big day in the Holmes' household - lots of chocolate, lots of flowers, lots of heart shaped cookies with frosting and sprinkles. Fun times.

Because of schedules, however, mine and Kelly's official valentine's dinner won't be until tomorrow. Which is actually fine with me because I will be able to get half price on flowers tomorrow (but don't tell my wife). My two oldest girls will be spending the night with friends. Gracie will be going to bed early and I will be making a gourmet meal for two (at least I hope it will be gourmet).

I am continually amazed that I get to be married to the wife God has given me. I am the most blessed man I know. Truly. God has been so very gracious to me. And my greatest earthly blessing is my beloved Kelly. What an amazing woman. This May we will be celebrating 15 years of marriage. She is more beautiful now than she was then.

To Gracie and Emma and Abby and most of all, to my lovely Kelly - Happy, Happy Valentine's Day.

And the winner is...

We went to a Superbowl party yesterday. One of the members of my small-group invited the group over to watch the game because they have a really big screen by which to watch such things. I have never seen a screen that big inside someone's home. It was really, really big. It was a good 11 to 12 feet across and 7 to 8 feet tall. I am not kidding.

We were watching the game in style.

I was rooting for the Giants. Not because I care anything about the Giants, but because they were the underdog. I always root for the underdog. It's just the way I am. My only exception to that rule is when U.T. is playing, or the San Antonio Spurs, or the Texas Rangers baseball team. I always root for them. In the case of the Rangers, they are usually the underdog anyway. They are pretty bad.

So, anyway, I was rooting for the Giants, which made for an excellent Superbowl - a real nail-biter.

But, everyone knows that the game is not the only attraction on Superbowl Sunday. There are also commercials.

Every year big companies spend big bucks to hire the biggest advertising agencies to do their best commercials to air on Superbowl Sunday. Usually, the commercials are not nearly worth the hype. Most are utterly forgettable or leave you wondering what product they were trying to sell. Way to go, advertisers.

The best commercial BY FAR was not produced by Nike or Gatorade or Pepsi or Coke, but by the NFL itself. Their spot about Chester Pitts "Mr. Oboe" was just great.

If you didn't see it, you can watch it here http://superad.nfl.com/

Just what I need... another hobby.

I am not lacking extra curricular activities. In my past I have pursued drawing, painting and ceramics. More recently I have focused my attention on woodworking, gardening and home coffee roasting.

Now I am into bread.

A year or so ago I read Peter Reinharts book The Bread Baker's Apprentice. I was inspired, but overwhelmed. It's definitely the advanced class. And, I knew nothing about making bread. Well, this past Christmas my parents bought us a grain mill (since we are in Kansas, and there is plenty of wheat around here). Kelly also bought me Reinhart's latest book Whole Grain Breads.

I'm diving in.

So far so good. I have mostly been experimenting with sandwich breads (trying to get whole grain bread soft, light and airy).

Today I made a new bread. It's an adaptation of a recipe called "broom bread" (because it has so much fiber it really sweeps you out). It really does have an explosively high fiber content. It has whole wheat, rolled oats, oat bran, and flax seeds. I think a better name would be "super colon blow".

It tastes really good, though. And it looks cool too. Here are a couple of pictures.

Next time you visit I'll give you some.

"Too bad the rules don't allow me to be merciful"

This past Sunday I used yet another movie for an illustration in the message I was giving. I think that the story of Les Miserables is one of the most poignant and dramatic that I have ever come across. I have seen the live performance twice. I have seen the most recent movie (the one with Liam Neeson) multiple times. I have been told that previous versions of the movie are even better. I don't know. I haven't seen them. Someday I will muster my courage to read Victor Hugo's tome by the same title. Maybe someday.

There are so many themes touched upon in this story - it would be impractical to recount them all here. At it's heart it is a story of redemption, law and grace. Grace as portrayed by Jean Valjean, an ex-convict who is shown extraordinary, life changing grace at the beginning of the story. Law as portrayed by Javert, a police lieutenant who has spent his entire life "trying to never break a single rule."

As the story progresses, the one who has been shown mercy and grace bestows grace upon others. The one who lives under law shows no mercy and needs none for himself. Nor will he accept grace once it is offered. Grace is out of keeping with a man of justice.

But, throughout the story grace can't prevail. Valjean is hunted. There is still a price to pay. The law requires it. Good intentions cannot overcome the requirement of the law. And the law is good and right and just. Only by one final act of self-sacrifice - under the law - by the one who keeps the law - can the law be satisfied and grace truly prevail. Only then can there be freedom.

Wow. That'll preach.

If you haven't seen it, see it. There are multiple movie versions. I am sure there is still a traveling group somewhere still performing the musical. It's well worth the price of admission - or at least a dvd rental.

A restless present

I was reading Philip Yancey's book Reaching for the Invisible God the other day when I came across this sentence, "Strong memories soothe a restless present". It stopped me. I stared at that sentence - and stared at it. It was what I needed.


In the chapter I was reading, Yancey had been talking about what it means to walk in faith in our present circumstances. Sadly, it seems that much of the time, the lives we actually experience appear to betray our notions of what the Christian life is "supposed" to be. We believe in a God who is powerful, and who loves us and who intervenes in the affairs of men and who answers prayer and delights in blessing us. That's what we believe - a personal, intimate, powerful, loving God who is actively involved in our lives. We also have assumptions of what a life like that is supposed to look like - supposed to feel like. But we all go through times when one (or many) of those characteristics of a relationship with God seem seem to be absent - or just plain false. Times when God seems neither powerful nor loving. Times when He seems to be in no particular hurry to answer prayer or be involved at all.


What does it mean to walk by faith in those times? How is faith maintained?


Yancey argues that a key to walking by faith in the present is the ability to hold onto the past and the future at the same time. To lift our eyes from our current life and gaze at the life to come and also to look back at God's faithfulness and intervention in the past. We see His involvement and his faithfulness to his promises much easier when we look at broad brush strokes over long periods of time. We have to have these types of bird's eye views on our life or else we'll go crazy. Our circumstances will draw us away from what we know and believe about God. We'll believe the lie that our present circumstances teach us.


To a large degree, faith is the ability to trust in the goodness of God even when all the circumstances of our life seem to argue against it.


I know what it feels like to go through long stretches of silence - when God seems to have forgotten my address - times when a relationship with Him does not at all feel like I thought it would feel. I know what that's like.


And I imagine that anyone who might be reading this blog also knows what it is like. Yancey's statement is a good reminder to lift our eyes - to take a deep breath and gaze far into the future and into the past - to see that our present circumstances are not the complete story. There is more to life than meets the eye.


Don't be fooled. God still loves you. He is still in control. He is still listening. He still deserves our trust.


Hang in there.