a new Bible for a new year

I love new Bibles.

When I study my Bible I usually do so with a pen in hand. I am not one of those who abstains from writing in their Bible. I write all over mine. It helps me study. I feel like I am more engaged with the text when I can underline and circle and make arrows and write notes in the margin. I am not one of those, however, who likes to read my old notes and observations.

The Bible really is living and active. I am impacted by different things at different times. What impacted me a year ago might not be what impacts me today.

I like starting with clean pages.

I read several years ago how Billy Graham used to go through a Bible a year. He would write all over his Bibles and completely use them up. Then, he would give them to his kids and grand kids. I thought that sounded so great. So, a few years ago I endeavored to do the same thing as Billy. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep up with his pace. But, I am ready now for a new Bible.

My Bible has been pretty well filled up for the last few months. Not a lot of clean left. But, getting a new Bible is not as easy as it sounds. I have been wanting one with a cool cover - you know, the ones with the two-toned look and the great feeling leather. The problem is, I have only been able to find those cool covers on KJV, NIV and NLT translations. Those are all great translations, but I prefer the New American Standard (NASB). I think that the NASB people must be pretty boring because while you could get NIV Bibles with Gator skin covers and stainless steel - stuff like that - all you could find for NASB was the same old "Bonded Leather" in burgundy or black. Which is fine... don't get me wrong. It's just not very, you know... cool.

All that changed today. I found a great new Bible. It's NASB with Italian two-toned leather (black and coach brown). It feels so good in your hand -you just want to hold it - which is a great thing for a Bible.

I feel like it's a great challenge to start a new Bible. All those clean pages. I am looking forward to my meeting times with God on the pages of that book. I hope also - that you as well will enjoy great meeting times with God in 2008. May He bless you richly with His Word.

Happy New Year.

Desperate Times

We have a single dad neighbor across the street. He has two kids. We love them all; it has been great to get to know them. Last night, the dad calls me at about 10:30pm and asks, "Um... would you happen to have 13 packets of hot cocoa mix?" I don't think I have ever been asked that question before. His son had just informed him that he was responsible for providing hot cocoa for his whole class - some Christmas shindig. I told him that unfortunately, we did not have 13 packets, but we did have half a family sized "Swiss Miss" can. He said, "Well... um... could I... let's see, what's the word?" "Have it?", I said. "Yeah, that's it".

Desperate times.

This morning our pastor of Students ministries has been out preparing for some big youth Christmas thing tonight. He called me and asked, "Um... would you or your family happen to have an elf suit?"

I don't think I have ever been asked that question either.

I told him that when the government came and collected every one's elf suits, we had to give ours up. It was old and well used anyway - he probably wouldn't have liked it.

Desperate times call for desperate questions.

Tis the season, I guess.

Oh Christmas Tree

We have a tradition in the Holmes household. We cut down our own Christmas tree which we decorate while listening to Christmas music and feasting on Chinese takeout. It's the same every year. My middle daughter has informed me that it is her favorite part of Christmas.


Picking out a good tree from a Christmas tree farm is kind of an art. If you are too picky you can easily find yourself 200 yards away from the truck once you find the perfect tree. That smug grin of satisfaction can quickly be replaced with, "What was I thinking?" on the long journey back. Nevertheless, it is a fun tradition that my girls look forward to every year.

Well, yesterday was the big Christmas tree day for us, and I have to tell ya - it was a bit of a let down. Christmas tree farms are becoming more and more rare, we are coming to find out. The one that we have gone to for the last 2 years is no longer selling trees. The state will now be using that land to widen a highway. It's too bad because it was really the only decent tree farm around here.

So... we went to Wal Mart.

Which is totally not the same.

All the trees were still wrapped up. Have you ever seen those trucks hauling Christmas trees - and they are all wrapped up tight? They look like closed patio umbrellas. It's kind of hard to pick out a good one.

They were all short, too - which was disappointing.

So, we bought one of those trees and brought it home. I cut the rope which was binding it tight, and... nothing happened. It stayed in the same shape. I brought it inside and stuck it in the tree stand. It was really sad. The widest part of the tree was about 12 inches in diameter. No kidding. "I think we are going to have too many ornaments" one of my daughters tells me.

It took a while for the tree to plump up. It looks ok now. It's a little short for our taste - but it's not too bad.

The Chinese food was excellent, though. So, all was not lost.

Back, back, way back

For the month of December, I am going to preach a series on the incarnation of the Son of God.

We all love Christmas. Many of us remember that Christmas is about the incarnation of Christ. Some of us even have a nativity scene set up in our home to help us remember the reason for this season. But even in Christian circles I think few of us ever grasp the magnitude of what we are celebrating.

A correct understanding of the doctrine of the incarnation is really important. It matters that Jesus was fully human and not just filling a human shell. It matters that the divine nature of Jesus was not created, but was sent forth from the Father - that the second person of the Trinity is fully God. Theologically, these things matter... a lot. These are biggies. And as confusing as it is to reconcile the divine and human nature of Christ - I think we need to be confused... and amazed... and awestruck if we are going to celebrate Christmas well. That's my goal with this series.

It's quite a daunting challenge, and I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.

So, I've been doing a lot of reading lately on the topic and I've found renewed encouragement and council from companions that I too often forget about - really old books.

If we define the church as all those "in Christ" from Pentecost to Rapture, then we are to see all believers (living or dead) as part of "The Body" - with something to contribute. Sadly, we often fall into a rut (I know I have at times) of leaning solely on contemporaries - of assuming that newer is better. We miss a whole lot when we do that. I read the old guys in seminary, but sadly, I don't blow the dust off those old books too much any more.

The truth is, however, there have been some major theological battles fought at different times in the history of the church. In fact, most of the major theological battles have already been fought. What's the old saying? - Those who forget their past are doomed to repeat it. That happens all the time in the church. When that Jehovah's Witness comes to our door, we can realize that their arguments are just a re-packaging of Arianism which was condemned at Council of Nicaea nearly 1700 years ago. It gives you a great sense of comfort to know that you have 1700 years of orthodoxy on your side.

Which brings me back to my series on the incarnation. The deity and humanity of Christ was the big topic at the council of Nicaea in 325a.d. The results of Nicaea were later re-affirmed at the Council of Constantinople in 381a.d. These were really smart guys, led by the Spirit and seeking God's mind on important theological matters.

Well, the big gun at Nicaea who also led the fight against Arianism during the 60 years between Nicaea and Constantinople was a man by the name of Athanasius. His work, On the Incarnation has remained perhaps the most authoritative work on the incarnation for 16 centuries (and counting).

So, I am going back - reading some of the old guys. To be quite honest, it's making me feel dumb. With all our technological advances, I think humanity is getting stupider, not smarter. Man, these guys were smart.

I had higher hopes of doing the doctrine of the incarnation justice before I began to re-read Athanasius. I am feeling a bit small at the moment.

We'll see how it goes.

By the way - if you want to read On the Incarnation, there are multiple places online where you can read it or download it for free. It's public domain. Here's a link to a good translation with an introduction by C.S. Lewis. http://www.spurgeon.org/~phil/history/ath-inc.htm

bella

A few weeks ago I heard about a new movie coming out called "bella". Within the email network of the Christian sub-culture, "bella" was creating quite a buzz. As an independent film it won the "People's Choice Award" at the Toronto Film festival - along with several other awards. I went to the web site and saw the promotional videos and interviews with the filmmakers. I was quite impressed and eager to see the movie. (Go to http://www.bellamoviesite.com/site/# and watch the videos to learn more.)

The problem is - it's an independent film with limited release, and we live in the middle of Kansas. It would be a four-hour trip to Kansas City to see it. We just assumed we would have to wait till it came out on DVD.

Well, last week I got an email from a colleague that a theater in Wichita was going to show the movie for two days (and perhaps longer if there was a good showing). I am sure there has been quite a lot of emailing and word-of-mouth publicity because without any promotion in the Wichita area, Kelly and I saw it yesterday - in the middle of the day - at a nearly packed house.

What a great movie.

I don't want to give away any of the story, so I'll be slight on details.

The movie deals with a complex and heart wrenching topic, but it does so with sensitivity, artfulness, and simplicity. It is a fairly slow and quiet film - so keep that in mind if you go and see it (we could hear the "booms" and feel the rumble of "Beowulf" showing in the theater next door). But, even without action sequences or "star power" of a major release, I found "bella" to be gripping and profound. After the movie, Kelly went to the restroom and cried. I left the theater saying, "Wow. That was really good."

At its heart it is a story of redemption with very real characters in a very real city.

I also love the non-stereotypical portrayal of many of the Mexican-American main characters. I can't imagine anyone not admiring Jose's family and secretly wishing that all families were more like his. The characters are complex and heroic and all together likable.

Like still waters that run deep, the themes of this quiet film touch at the heart of human issues. In all of our lives, themes like law, grace, love, forgiveness, the sanctity of life, the value of family, guilt, and redemption all have their day. They have their day in this film as well.

I am not sure what else to say without giving away too much or sounding too much like a movie critic. If it is showing in your area go and see it. I think you will like it.

Family movie night

As part of their school work, my daughters just read a biography of Eric Liddell. (In case you have forgotten, Eric Liddell was the Scottish runner who refused to run in a qualifying 100 meter race in the 1924 Olympics because it was held on a Sunday. This was the pivotal event in the 1981 movie Chariots of Fire. Eric later became a missionary to China.)

My girls enjoyed learning about Eric Liddell and were excited with the prospect of watching Chariots of Fire when they were done.

Now, Chariots of Fire is one of my all-time favorite movies (for reasons I will share in just a moment). But the first time I saw it (at age 10), I thought it was hopelessly boring. In my 10 year old mind, the whole movie was... talking in an English accent, running, talking in an English accent, running, talking in an English accent... the end.

I was afraid they might not like it.

Abby and Emma were good sports about the whole thing. They had heard me talk about how much I liked it. I think they were more excited before they saw the movie than afterwards. I think it is safe to say that Chariots of Fire is not their favorite movie in the world. Oh, well.

Here's why I like it:

I love the comparison between Harold Abrahams and Eric Liddell. They are both world-class runners who both win gold. But Harold runs for himself and Eric runs for the glory of God.

Harold's identity is swallowed by his need to win. Eric's identity is in Christ.

Since Eric's worth as a person is not determined by whether he wins or loses, he can afford to greet his fellow runners, be kind to them and wish them the best of luck. Harold cannot afford such fraternization.

Before his gold-medal race Harold realizes his fear of winning gold. If he wins at the highest level, what then will he do for the rest of his life? Indeed - he wins but does not celebrate.

Eric does celebrate. He can see the proper place that running should have in his life.

What a great movie - great acting, great characters, great storyline, great music.

The best quote of the movie is when Eric is talking to his sister Jenny about her concerns that all this running would distract him from becoming a missionary to China. Eric tells her, "I believe God made me for a purpose... for China. But, he also made me fast. And when I run I can feel his pleasure. For me not to run would be to hold this gift in contempt."

What a wonderful quote for all of us with our own unique, quirky and individual gifts and talents granted to us by our loving Creator. To not do our best with what we have been given is to hold our gift (and the gift giver) in contempt.

So, Eric runs. He wins a gold medal. He uses his fame to further the Kingdom as best he can. And then he goes to China where he spends the rest of his days making disciples of Christ among unreached people.

That's a life well lived.

It's also a very good movie. At least I think so.

Homemade

In a Walmart culture and a global economy - you can buy just about anything you want. I am a big fan of really good coffee, and I have a lot of choices to choose from. How many gourmet coffees can I get by taking a short drive to the store or making a few clicks on my web browser? And yet, I insist on roasting my own. Why is that?

Here is my arsenal of coffee roasting popcorn poppers in my garage. It looks like something from "The Red Green Show".

I also build my own furniture. If I were to compare the price of furniture in the store to my cost of materials and then figure in my time, I would have to conclude that my time is... not worth very much. If I were to pay myself minimum wage to build furniture, there is no way I could build anything as inexpensive as they sell at "Oak Express" or "Target". I am just too slow. Yet I still do it.

Here is the headboard of the new bed I am building. I have been working on it since spring.

I could say that it is all about "quality", and certainly quality has something to do with it. But I don't think quality is the only issue. We tend to admire people who have enough money to eat out all the time - but we also think it strange if people don't know how to cook their own meals. We value competency and the ability to do things on our own - even in a consumer culture. We like to be able to do things ourselves.

All around me I see a driving desire for things homemade. My wife knits hats and scarfs and mittens for our family even though it takes her hours and even though she could buy hats and scarfs and mittens at Walmart for less money than she spends on yarn.

Kelly and my two oldest daughters just sewed their own pillow cases. My 9 year old daughter just made a sweater. My sister-in-law knits much of her own clothes. She even knits dolls and toys for her nieces.

My father-in-law makes his own computers. (I really do think he could make a computer with nothing more than chicken wire, a car battery, duct tape, a coke bottle, chewing gum, an old sock, and spit - just like MacGyver. He's amazing.)

My brother brews his own beer.

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I think that deep down we all love to create things. And I think the reason is because we were created in the image of our Creator. It's wired into us. We love to create a gourmet meal, a new article of clothing, a stylishly decorated home, a successful business, a piece of furniture, a song, a painting... something.

Even if we had enough money to buy whatever we wanted, I think we would still feel the need to do something ourselves - to make something. We want to contribute to our lives or the lives of others. Perhaps that is part of what it means to be human.

Another journey through The Lord of the Rings

For several years now my daughters didn't seem to age much. They were children. They would get taller and taller and more articulate, but they remained children. That seems to have changed overnight. I look at my two oldest daughters and think, "Did I miss something? When did this happen?" They are turning into young ladies - by the hour. I am exceedingly proud of them, but a little stressed out too. It's all happening so fast.

Well, Abby, my oldest (age 11) loves action stories, sports, science, space, and adventure. She has read the complete Chronicles of Narnia multiple times. She has been waiting patiently to get the "ok" from mom and dad to read The Lord of the Rings.

As you can see from my list of "Notable Favorite" books on the side panel of this blog, The Lord of the Rings is one of my faves.

Now, I realize that there are some Christians offended by the magical qualities of The Lord of the Rings - and I can understand that. But, it is such a wonderful story with such wonderful themes running through it - themes like sacrifice, courage, sin, good, evil, redemption, friendship and forgiveness. I love the picture of sin as portrayed by the ring. If you try to possess the ring it will end up possessing you. I love the picture of "burden bearing" as pictured through Frodo. Frodo has a burden that he alone must bear, but he is utterly helpless without his friends. They can encourage him, protect him, guide him, and take care of him but ultimately they cannot bear his burden for him. What a great picture of what Christian community is supposed to be as we help to carry one another's burdens. We cannot take the burden away, but we can encourage and protect and take care of one another so that we are not crushed by the burdens we bear.

Good stuff.

There are a whole lot of wonderful themes running through this story. Plus, there are some really good battle scenes.

So anyway, I decided that Abby was old enough to appreciate The Lord of the Rings. But, I wanted to experience it with her so we could talk through some of the issues. So, I decided to read it out loud to her. We are not very far into the first book, but it's been great - absolutely great.

I am sure there will be a day in the very near future when she won't be that excited to get into her p.j's and listen to dad read an exciting story. But, right now, she thinks it's pretty cool.

And so do I.

Common Grace

I had one of those "stopping to smell the roses" moments after work today.

We have gardens that Kelly and I have planted all around our house. Today I took the time to stroll around the house and look at the flowers. One part of the garden was swarming with Monarch Butterflies. It was really quite spectacular.

Here are a couple of pictures that I took.

Before I walked out there, this beautiful scene was already being played out - for no one's enjoyment except God alone. I was able to enjoy it for a few short minutes. Then I went back inside. The butterflies continued their display out in the garden.

It's common grace.

God creates beauty and scenes of wonder simply because he is good, and as Annie Dillard says, "The creator likes pizazz". Whether humans take the time to notice it or not, the beauty is there. And, it's there for everybody - the sinner and the saint - the pagan and the pious. It's there for whoever will take the time to notice it. Anybody could have walked up and enjoyed the beauty in that garden today. His beauty as displayed in creation is a common grace.

I am glad I wasn't so dull today that I missed his gift outside my own back door.

Jesus on the offensive

Last Sunday made me woozy. I still haven't quite recovered.

I am teaching through Luke. Last Sunday I was in Luke 11:37-54. These are perhaps the harshest words that Jesus speaks to anyone - anywhere in the gospels. While having a meal at a Pharisee's house with both Pharisees and scribes present, Jesus goes "gloves off" to the religious authorities of his day. It is blistering.

An interesting thing about this passage is that Jesus is not rebuking them for rejecting Him (which eventually they would do). He is rebuking them for things like: hypocrisy; having a polished external religion that betrays the sin in their heart; for creating a religion that majors on the minors and ignores what's most important; for seeking status; for burdening people with unnecessary rules that actually draw people away from a pure relationship with God; for wrongly thinking that they are the orthodox ones in line with the prophets of old (when in actuality they were cut from the same cloth as those who killed the prophets).

Those descriptions that brought about the harsh rebuke from Jesus - I am ashamed to say - are present in my own life much more often than I would care to admit. And, I am embarrassed to say, the Christian community is rampant with this stuff. We spend a lot of effort polishing an external facade - making ourselves look more spiritual than we really are. We are all too often guilty of majoring on the minors while ignoring things that really matter, things like loving God and loving people, grace toward sinners, justice for the oppressed, mercy for those in need. We have turned a relationship with God into a definable religion that has a certain look to it (certain way of dressing, acting, talking, etc.) - but often times does not share the same heart of Christ for those who are lost, sin sick, in need, physically hungry, scared, lonely, and hurting. Are we not just as guilty of looking the part but lacking the heart?

It makes me wonder. Who in today's society would receive the harshest words from Jesus?

There are many in the Christian community that think we are in a "culture war". We are warring against immoral media, liberal politicians and activist judges. You will hear many harsh words from the Christian camp against those who threaten to take our nation away from its "Judeo/Christian" roots. But, are those the types of people that received the harshest words from Jesus in his day? Did he pull out the big guns against Roman authorities? Were his harshest words against those who led a public lifestyle of sin like immoral prostitutes or thieving tax collectors? Did he fight political battles in an attempt to moralize a pagan culture? Jesus was in a war alright, but it wasn't against the culture he lived in - His war was against the Devil. He did not see people as the enemy. He saw them as hostages in a Spiritual battle.

His harshest words were not for the hostages. Nor were his harshest words directed toward the pagan, awful culture that those blind hostages created. His harshest words were for those who claimed they could see - for those who claimed to know the truth - for those who were supposed to be the rescue swimmers for the lost and drowning. They were supposed to be representing Him.

So, here is the question again - who in our day would receive the harshest words from Jesus?

Like I said, this sermon made me woozy.

I hope people come back this Sunday.

the latest big thing in the Holmes' household

My two oldest daughters have always shared a room. They are only a year and a half apart. And, since we have not lived in very big houses - having them share a room has always made the best sense. All that changed on Monday.

We have have begun a new chapter in our household. In the lives of my daughters, this is a REALLY BIG DEAL. They now each have their own room.

It is becoming quite evident that my girls are very different from each other. With each year that passes their interests are seeming to get more and more divergent. It's almost like they are they are totally different people. It's strange. And while I genuinely think they love each other - they don't always want to be in the same room with each other. So - recently they began lobbying hard for their own space.

I was the toughest sell on the idea, for two reasons. Reason 1 - I tend to think it's healthy for them to have to work things out and be forced to live together. Good life training - know what I mean? But, then again, I never had to share a room with anybody when I was growing up. So what do I know? Reason 2 -while I know it's selfish, I didn't want to give up our guest room/home office space. Now our home office stuff has to be put somewhere else in the house - making our house feel even more smallish.

Oh well - we'll live.

In the end I was convinced that making the move was a good idea. Now, two days after the move I am even more convinced. Their personalities are blossoming - even in how they choose to decorate their space.

My prayer is that they won't grow apart from each other and become distant. I hope this will help them get along if they are not in each other's face all time. If we see them becoming more and more distant from each other, we may have to make yet another change. We'll see.

Boy, this parenting thing is tough. We are told in Proverbs to train up our children in the way they should go. Too bad there is not a one size fits all approach that works for every child and every family as to how to go about doing that. It's clear that "the way a child should go" is more than just moral standards. "The way a child should go" has a lot to do with the way a child is wired by their creator. Within the constraints of clear moral behavior there are a lot of different paths to choose - a lot of different personalities, a lot of different interests. One of the roles of a parent is to help that child navigate and find the best possible path for them - the path of greatest kingdom impact - that path that will best use the strengths and talents and gifts that their creator has given them.

And, to do all that while trying to maintain a relatively peaceful household.

I'll say it again - this parenting thing is really tough. It takes an incredible amount of discernment, and agility, and emotional flexibility, and humility, and strength, and communication, and love, and patience. and... Any author or speaker who boils good parenting down to a handful of steps is lying to himself and doing a disservice to his audience.

I realize that in the grand scheme of things, deciding to give the girls their own room is a relatively small decision. There have been much bigger decisions we have faced - and I know there are much, much, much bigger decisions we will make in the future. But, this week, the room thing is the decision at hand.

A year ago I would have said, "Abby and Emma will share a room until they go to college". And I could have clearly explained why. But, I am learning that sometimes it is not healthy to "stick to your guns". Sometimes it is better to take a dynamic approach to parenting that requires a reassessment at each new season. Sometimes what is required is humility, and flexibility, and maybe even a change of course.

big fear #3

Here to round out my top three fears in my phobia theme.

The fear of failure.

This one is the hardest for me to write about. There are very few areas of my life that are not touched by this fear. The fear of failure has gone a long way in shaping who I am - I am sorry to say.

I loved sports growing up. But, by the time I was a senior in high school, I didn’t go out for any sport. Why? - because, while I was a pretty good athlete as a 13 year old, I was a mediocre athlete as a 17 year old. And, because when you are a senior there is no JV to fall back on. You either make varsity or you get cut. There was a very real chance I would get cut as a senior. So what did I do? I quit before I gave the coaches a chance. Not one of my prouder moments.

What’s even more embarrassing is how often this fear of failure pops up in my relationship with God. And I should know better. Christianity is so wonderful precisely because it is not a merit based system where success and failure are determined by our behavior. My standing before God; my acceptance in his family; my eternal security… has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with the righteousness of another. Our obedience – our Christian life is not to be some lame attempt to avoid failure in something we could have never been successful at in the first place. Jesus has purchased our success. Our victory and our hope are in him – and him alone. We need never fear that we might lose God’s favor or his love toward those who are in Christ. That’s what I preach at least; that’s what I tell others when they come into my office for counseling; that’s what I believe – really and truly.

But, believing that and remembering it day by day are two very different things. Grace seems so foreign to me at times – so contrary to my nature. I keep having to tell myself that grace is true. But… it just seems too good to be true.

In my weaker moments I tend to imagine God shaking his head toward me, “What a disappointment you are, Greg. You had such potential – I had such high hopes in you. You were going to do such great things for the Kingdom. Look at you. You are a failure.”

I wonder how much of my obedience, how much of my ministry is prompted not out of love and gratitude for the one who loved me first – but out of fear that I might actually hear those words from God.

It’s kind of sad isn’t it? Living in fear that the God of the universe who loves me so much that he would give his only son in my behalf, would get fed up with me because I didn’t have a quiet-time today. It doesn’t make much sense does it?

I realize how silly it is. But, it’s hard to teach a stubborn soul new grace. God is still working on me. I still have a long way to go.

There is one who wants me to feel like a failure. But, it isn’t God.

New and Improved

I have tried to freshen up the look of my blog. I hope you like it.

I have added something new. If you scroll down the sidebar you will see a "currently reading" and "recently read" list of books. If you would like to add your two bits about any of those books - I welcome your comments. Some of those books are not necessarily books I would recommend (for one reason or another), but I always think that knowing what people are reading helps in getting to know them.

If you have any books that you highly recommend, I would love to hear about them.

I also hope that by giving a list of "currently reading" books I will feel that much more pressure to actually finish them. I have this problem, see. I love books, but I tend to think that most books are too long. This is especially true for books that would fall under the "Christian Living" title at the Christian book store. I can usually enthusiastically get through the first half of a book in a day or two - but then it takes me months to finish. I tend to think that most non-fiction books could pretty well end by chapter 5 or 6 and save everybody a lot of time. So, I start a book - get tired of it and then start another. Hopefully I can move some of those books into the "recently read" column soon.

Espresso saga

A couple of weeks ago our espresso machine died. I don't know what's wrong with it. And I am not the most mechanical of men - not really one to take a something apart and fix it. So, I am not quite sure how to find out the problem. I cleaned it real good. Descaled it and all. But, alas... nothing. I talked to the tech people over the phone and they told me it was out of warranty. Of course. They were not much help. They told me it could be this one thing... but, then again it might not. And, the part that might fix the machine is on back order for a few weeks. Lovely.

I know that the responsible thing for me to do is to wait patiently for the part to come in and see if it does the job. That would the reasonable thing to do. What I have actually been doing is waiting rather impatiently and searching the Internet to find a good deal on a better espresso machine... an upgrade. Nothing so far. The machine I had was already pretty nice. An upgrade would cost lots of $. I can't really justify it. We only do a couple of espressos per day.

So, I am trying something new - a stove top espresso maker. I picked one up at a discount store last night. It was super cheap - not much of a loss if it turns out to be a dud. I have always been a bit leery about stove top espresso makers. I am a bit fuzzy on the physics of the whole thing. (But, in all honesty, it doesn't take much to make me fuzzy about the physics of anything.)

And, I read somewhere that stove top espresso machines are what real Italians use in thier homes. I have always wanted to be like a real Italian.

We tried it out this afternoon. Not bad. Not bad. It would probably be more accurate to call it really, really strong coffee instead of espresso since there is no crema on the top (that dense foam on the top of properly extracted espresso). But the flavor was good. I think it should make good "iced Americanos" (which is our favorite summertime drink).

So, I think we may have found a substitute until our machine gets fixed.

It's a good day.

I once was blind - part 2

Well, it's been exactly one week since my fancy schmancy laser eye surgery. So far, so good. I went back to the doctor this morning and I am seeing most of the letters on the 20/20 line and a few letters on the 20/15 line. It's incredible. I keep having to remind myself that I am not looking through glasses or contacts - these are my real eyes.

I have been singing a lot of "I can see clearly now the rain is gone... I can see all obstacles in my way..." You know that song? - the "bright, bright, sunshiny day" song? My children think it is quite embarrassing.

burning eyeball

Ok - now I'm feeling a bit of guilt. On my last post I talked about how during my laser eye surgery I could smell my eye burning. Well, I went back to the doctor this morning for my post-op check and I mentioned how disconcerting it was to smell the burning tissue. She chuckled and said everyone thinks that smell is their eye burning - but it's not. It's actually burning ozone. What does that mean?

I like my story better.

I think I am going to stick to my version. Never let the truth stand in the way of a good story.

I once was blind

I am writing from vacation. I had my big laser surgery this morning. It has been quite a couple of days.

Yesterday I went down for my pre-op exam for the doctors to determine just what needed to be done with my eyes. They told me to prepare myself for 2 hours of tests. They were looking at me for over 4 hours. I was seen by a technician and 3 doctors. Evidently I have really, really bad eyes. The quote of the day came from the technician who was getting a preliminary reading on my prescription. A machine would look into my eye and get a ballpark estimate of what my prescription would be. Once the machine was done and then indicated to the technician what my prescription was - her only response was, "wow" - quote of the day. I am not sure what these numbers mean, but the doctors tell me that I am at a negative 10 in one eye and a negative 13 in the other. People who know what those numbers mean all tell me the same thing, "wow, that's really bad."

My eyes are so bad in fact that they are almost too bad for laser surgery - I found out yesterday. With the amount of fixing that my eyes require combined with what the doctor called "a cornea that is a bit flatter than I would like", there is the outside chance that I will forever have a bit of a glow around light and edges - especially at night. He told me that he could get my vision down to where I could see the letters (in the 20/20 range) but that the edges might not be as "crisp" as you would like. I told him that my eyes have been so bad my whole life - I have never seen "crisp". I am a bit unsure as to what "crisp" actually looks like. We went ahead with the surgery.

I know several people that have had this surgery. They all tell me it is quick and painless - piece of cake - nothin' at all. Maybe I am just wimpy - or maybe there was a little more involved with my eyes than most, I don't know. But, when I left I said, "well, it wasn't too bad - but it sure wasn't nothin." After the flap is cut and peeled back and the then the laser starts working on the inside of the eye - making the corrections - it evidently takes about 30 seconds or so (for most people for the laser to the do the job). Mine took well over a minute for each eye. And there was a pretty strong burning smell. And that burning was... you guessed it - burning eyeball. It is a rather disconcerting smell actually. All the while the doctor is holding your head and saying, "don't move, don't move, don't move..."

After the surgery the doctor was very pleased with how it went. I could already tell, just minutes after the surgery that I was seeing sooo much better. He gave me a sleeping pill and then sent me home to take a nap. My vision is supposed to get better and better with each day over the coming days and weeks. I am already impressed that even today - just 7 hours after the surgery, I can see well enough to write this blog post without glasses or anything.

This is amazing.

Big fear #2

Continuing with my phobia theme.



Here is my big fear #2 - Missing out. I have this pretty significant fear that I am going to come to the end and realize that I missed it - that I missed the big opportunities, took a wrong turn, found myself a long way down the wrong road. But when I say I fear missing key opportunities, I am not talking about financial/investment/business/career opportunities. I think a lot of people fear missing their big chance to become successful and/or rich. I honestly don't have that fear - at least not too much. Partly that is because I am so completely inept when it comes to business and money. There is no way I would be able to tell the difference between a good business opportunity and a bad one - a good investment from a bad one. No way. If I feared missing my big chance to make money, I would be a basket case.

When I talk about opportunities, I am talking about ministry opportunities - opportunities to expand the kingdom - throw deep - make a difference.

I am of the belief that God's will for my life has much more to do with the type of person I am than the place that I am living or the job I am doing or whether or not I turn right or left today. I think that within the will of God we have a tremendous amount of freedom to pursue our passions, make decisions, pick a path. I don't fear missing God's will for my life. His will for me is plainly stated in Scripture. If you or I are trusting Christ and desiring to follow Him and be more like Him, it would be more difficult to be outside of His will than it would be to stay in it.

But, the decisions that we have freedom to make have real consequences. How many ministry opportunities am I faced with daily? I don't know. How many opportunities come and go unnoticed because I was in my own little world - thinking about something else? What would have happened had I made that phone call, engaged in that situation when I had the time, turned right instead of left? Who knows. Again, I don't fear that by turning left and not right I am somehow outside of God's will for my life. But, choosing one path necessarily means not choosing all the others. And, oftentimes, different paths go different directions.

I fear coming to the end and realizing that I missed a more adventurous path - a path of greater kingdom impact. Instead, I chose... not a sinful path - not a path outside of God's will - just... an easier path. A path with less rewards, less impact - a path of lesser resistance. I have a keen understanding that I only get one shot at this thing called life. I have the fleeting opportunity to magnify the glory of God in my flesh in the few short years I am here.

I don't want to miss it.

I really, really don't want to miss it.

Fears

I was talking to John (our new pastor of student ministries) the other day about blogs and whatnot. He thought it would be cool to have a section or theme on a blog just concerning phobias. John has some pretty cool phobias - up near the top are tornadoes. He is deathly afraid of tornadoes - which is actually quite understandable to be deathly afraid of something that could in fact kill you. But, in order to deal with his phobia - he decided to face it head on. He became a storm chaser. Isn't that great!? If I had a real and genuine phobia of tornadoes I would not become a storm chaser, and I certainly wouldn't be living in Kansas. I guess I am just a wimp.

So, to steal from John's idea, here are my top phobias. (Actually, I will probably just write about one now. I'll write about others in future posts.)

Phobia #1 - Water. This is without question at the top of the list. But, when I say water, I don't mean water in a glass or water in a shower. I mean large bodies of deep and deadly water. I don't mind looking at lakes or oceans - just so long as I don't have to get in the water or be over the water in a boat. I pretty much keep my distance whenever possible - just enjoy the view from terra firma - know what I mean? This fear is probably due to the fact that I didn't learn to swim until I was a teenager. As a child, I had one too many occasions when I legitimately thought I was going to drown simply because I was in water that was 6 inches too deep. After swallowing a lot of pool water as a kid, I finally swallowed my pride (as a jr. high student) and took basic swimming with all the 6 yr olds through our rec. department. We learned how to stick our face in the water - blow bubbles - kick and make splashes while holding on to the side of the pool - stuff like that. I did eventually learn how to swim, but I rarely look for the chance to do it.

Did you see the movie "Unbreakable" with Bruce Willis? There is a scene near the end when the main character falls into a pool that has a pool cover on it. He gets tangled and wrapped up in the cover UNDER WATER! I get the heebeegeebees just thinking about it. Water is the stuff my nightmares are made of.

But, unlike John, I have no desire to "face my fears head on" by becoming a rescue swimmer or deep sea diver or something like that. Nope. Not me.

Hello, my name is Fun Dad, and I am here to help you.

This past weekend Kelly took our oldest daughter to Kansas City for a sort of "coming of age" weekend. They went through some material produced by Family Life Ministries called "Passport to Purity". They had a lot of things to talk about. They had some great conversations. But, Kelly also made the weekend special by going to some fun places and eating at cool restaurants. They had a great weekend.


I held down the fort with Emma and Grace.

This was the first weekend that I could remember when I was in charge of the kids without Kelly around. Emma looked at me on Saturday morning and said, "So, what are we going to do?" I hadn't really thought about that.

Emma started feeling pretty left out and a bit sorry for herself that her big sister was having this great weekend with mom and she was stuck at home with dad. I can't say that I blame her. I would much rather spend the weekend with Kelly than with me.

I then decided to be "fun dad" for the weekend (instead of "boring dad" - which is a role I feel more comfortable in). We went to the store and bought food for the weekend - whatever happened to look good at the time (pastries, stuff for french toast, cokes, etc.). We went to a cool store that sells stuff from all over the world and we banged on some bongo drums. We rented and watched a movie. We had friends over to play Settlers of Katan. We went out for ice cream.

All and all we had a pretty good weekend at home. Way too many sweets though. Blech. My stomach is still not feeling very happy with me.

I am glad I don't have to be "fun dad" every weekend.

Update for Aug 14

Over the past several weeks - every time I have thought about this blog I have felt like a bit of a loser. I keep telling myself, "I'll write another post once I have something witty or inspiring or insightful to say." Alas... nothing.

How do you do it Jenna? For those of you who don't know Jenna - she is a super stud. She was in the youth group I led in Iowa - now she is in Dallas while her husband goes to Seminary. She is a blogging machine - and most of time it is funny too. I stand in awe. You can learn more than you ever wanted to know about Jenna at http://jennawoestman.blogspot.com/

Since I don't have anything terribly insightful to share - here is a basic update.

1. Because of an incredibly generous gift, it looks like I am going to get laser surgery on my eyes. Yep, Greg Holmes will finally be able to see - without contacts or glasses or anything. I am super, super excited. I have been wearing glasses since I was four years old. I am not sure when the surgery will be - I still have to go through the consultations and all that jazz. I can't wait.

2. We finally got the electric fence installed for our dog. I'm a believer. Dogs plus electricity is a really good equation.

3. Our new youth pastor is here. (His official title is Pastor of Student Ministries). Man, what a cool guy. He has been here for about a month. Our church in incredibly fortunate to have him.

4. My barista wife is loving here new part-time job. She has been able to have some great conversations with her co-workers and is learning to make some nifty espresso drinks. No discounts for spouses of employees, however - which is a poor business model if you ask me.

5. It is unbelievably hot here. This is like the third or fourth week in a row with heat indexes well over 100 degrees. I think I am getting soft in my middle age. I can't seem to get from the house to the car without feeling like I am starting to wilt. I am ready for fall.

In which I do pre-marital counseling for a couple twice my age

As a pastor I do a fair share of weddings. I also do a good bit of pre-marital counseling before those weddings take place. I have never thought of myself as much of a counselor, but I enjoy doing pre-marital sessions. Kelly and I had great counsel before our marriage. We are still benefiting from the wisdom we received.

I am currently doing pre-marital counseling with a couple that is definitely "out of the norm" for me. Usually, the couples I deal with are pretty young (usually twentysomethings). This couple is seventysomething. They had both lost their mate to death and have found each other later in life.

I think that pre-marital counseling is important, even in this type of situation because we all bring baggage in our relationships. We have certain ways we respond to stress, certain ways we resolve conflict, certain beliefs about money, etc, etc. These things need to be talked through. And so, I feel I can made a good case as to why this type of counseling is important, no matter your age. However, it is still a bit intimidating to be the pastor in this situation. Who am I to tell them anything? One of the individuals was married for close to 50 years! They should be counseling me.

Can I just say that I love this couple? Wow. They are so quick to admit their faults; so quick to admit that they don't have all the answers; so transparent in their desire to honor God in their marriage; so eager to learn principles that can benefit them in the future; so humble; so gracious. I love their dependence upon the Holy Spirit as they move into a new chapter of life. I love their sense of adventure.

It seems like age either makes people harder or softer - bitter or better - more gracious or more intolerant. As people get older they tend to move toward the extremes. A gracious person becomes very gracious. A bitter person, very bitter.

I am glad I have people in my life that can show me the way and paint a picture of what it means to age well. God bless them.

The Coffee Expert

Up until recently I was the resident coffee expert in the family. That is, until my wife became a bonifide "barista".

Kelly took a job at our favorite hang out in town, called "Lincoln Perk". It's a pretty cool place - good coffee, espresso drinks, panini sandwiches - they even sell "gelato" (a special kind of ice cream). Kelly will be working very part-time, but she hopes it will allow her to get some much needed adult interaction every week, help her meet people outside of our church and bring in a little extra money for fun stuff as a family. She is enjoying her new job. I am very happy for her.

Only one problem - I am not sure how I feel about her being the new coffee expert around here. She was telling me the other day about the technique difference between steaming milk for a latte and frothing milk for a cappuccino. News to me. It made me feel kind of strange.

I feel like I need to hand over my frothing pitcher and espresso cups to the new sheriff in town.

That's ok - I guess. I still have my grill. I am still the king around here when it comes to grilling burgers and steaks.

That is - until Kelly decides to learn how to do that too.

A good movie

I saw a good movie last night. Maybe you have seen it.

It was about a wonderful person with some unorthodox interpersonal skills and communication methods who helps a group of troubled teens. There was a lot of drama in the movie about the personal lives of the kids and the adult who was there to help them. There was also a lot of friction between the kids - at least at the beginning of the movie. But, alas - the wonderful main character breaks through the defenses of these troubled kids - wins their hearts and unites them like a family. Together they overcome insurmountable odds and achieve unheard of success.

Have you seen that one?

Maybe I am just a softy, but I love that movie. I can watch it again and again.

I think movie producers realize how much I like it as well. They keep releasing new versions of it. A couple of times per year I can watch a new take on the same story. Sometimes the setting is sports (like Hoosiers and Remember the Titans), sometimes it is the classroom (like Stand and Deliver, Dead Poets Society and Freedom Writers - the movie I saw last night). Usually, they are pretty good.

Freedom Writers was excellent. But, when I think about it - it really is (essentially) the same movie as all the others - with different characters, a different setting and different plot twists. But, at its core, it is the same essential plot. And, I love that plot.

What is it about that plot that I like so much?

I love the redemption of it all. I love the idea that an ordinary person can make a radical difference (for good) in some one's life. I love that one person's effort can be multiplied into many people and that the impact of that one person can be felt in future generations.

I love that.

Deep down, that is what I want my story to be. In the movie of my life I long to be the main character who leads ordinary people through the power of God's Spirit - and together we see the extraordinary take place. And people who didn't like each other before end up loving each other. And timid people become bold people. And a divided church becomes a united church. And marriages are healed and families restored and brokenness is mended and an old, old story of Jesus and His love becomes new and fresh and powerful outside the walls of the church. And an entire culture feels the impact of the community of faith.

Wow! That would make a great movie.

I'm an encouragement to my wife

Kelly said so herself.

My blog along with Karen Horn's blog (http://hornherd.blogspot.com/) have encouraged her to start her own. Kelly is a wonderful writer. I am excited about anything that causes her to write regularly.

Check it out - it's http://www.kellyrandomgrace.blogspot.com/

Dog + electricity

As many of you know we had a beautiful Golden Retriever named Annie. I say "had" because she died about 6 months ago from kidney failure. She was 4 years old. It was a sad time in the Holmes household.

We enjoyed having a dog around though, so not long after Annie died we started making plans for what kind of dog we would have next. We did a bunch of research on breeds and then threw all that info out the window and picked up a mutt from the Humane Society. We still don't know what kind of dog she is. I am not quite sure what we were thinking.

Our new dog is... how shall I say this?... not a very good dog. She is in need of some intense behavior modification.

Enter electricity.

We got a shock collar. We put it on her for the first time a couple of days ago. We tested it out - had to see what level of shock got her attention. It is a disturbingly powerful feeling to have that remote in your hand. Bzzzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

She responds to it quite well to it - as you might imagine.

We're hoping that the equation is: Bad dog + electricity = good dog.

We'll see.

Texas food

I need to give my buddy Ross credit for this one. He told me about a cool blog that he found called Homesick Texan.

http://homesicktexan.blogspot.com/

The author is an expat Texan living in New York city. She writes primarily about the food of Texas with some awesome recipes.

For all those Iowa folks that had to put up with 7 years of my complaining about the food, here you can find what Texas food is all about - Cheese Enchiladas, Sopapillas, Barbecue, Chicken Fried Steak with cream gravy, sheet cake... oh my goodness... I'm getting light headed. She even has the recipe for gingerbread pancakes from one of my favorite restaurants in Austin called Magnolia Cafe. I have had those pancakes. They are out of this world - I can't wait to make them.

-

Just thought I would share the wealth.

Blogger tag

I think I got blogger tagged. The reason I say "I think" is because I am not quite sure if I am the right "Greg" that was supposedly tagged. I am sure this is very confusing for you, so let me esplain... no, it's too much. Let me sum up.

Evidently somewhere someone started this thing called blogger tag with the following rules.

1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged write a blog post about their own 8 random things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names.
4. You may need to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged and to read your blog.

Well, you see - here's the rub. I was reading Drew's blog and he was talking about being tagged. He listed his 8 random things and then listed some names at the bottom. One of the names was "Greg". Is that me? I'm not quite sure. How many Gregs does he know? I could call or email I suppose, but that could be awkward don't you think? If it wasn't me? "Hey, are you talking about me at the end of your blog?" Answer - "Well... um... sure."

Remember when you were in school and someone waved at you and you waved back only to realize they were really waving at the person behind you?

Yea, that feeling.

Well, enough of this. Whether or not I am the "Greg" in question, I am in the game. Here are my 8 random things.

1. I am not as boring as everyone thinks I am.

2. I am fascinated by the art of things. The art of food; the art of furniture design, the art of communication through paint or pencil or the written word; the art of preaching.

3. I can't operate in clutter, but I also can't seem to keep things organized. It's a vicious cycle. I usually end up "piling". I put all the clutter in one big pile which makes the rest of the room look nice and clean.

4. Raiders of the Lost Ark is still my favorite movie

5. I really like Lost but I was bummed that they killed off Mr. Echo. He was my favorite.

6. I don't know what I am doing. I am a husband, father and pastor of a church. Usually I feel like I am just making it up as I go.

7. I have decided to audition for American Idol. Just kidding. Actually, I do wish I had more singing and/or musical ability. I love music. I feel like I am a musician trapped in a non-musical body.

8. The wind in Kansas is about to drive me batty. It... just ... never... stops... blowing.

Here's the people I tag:

Jenna, Ashley Nicole, Stephen, Greg L, Ross (It's time, bro. You need to start your blog. This could be your first post), Matt.

Notice I didn't mention any last names. Why should I be the only one living in ambiguity?

Quote of the Day - June 7

"If the world is sane, then Jesus is mad as a hatter and the Last Supper is the Mad Tea Party. The world says, Mind you own business, and Jesus says, There is no such thing as your own business. The world says, Follow the wisest course and be a success, and Jesus says, Follow me and be crucified. The world says, Drive carefully - the life you save may be your own - and Jesus says, Whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. The world says, Law and order, and Jesus says, Love. The world says, Get, and Jesus says, Give. In terms of the world's sanity, Jesus is as crazy as a coot, and anybody who thinks he can follow him without being a little crazy too is laboring less under the cross than under a delusion. "We are fools for Christ's sake," Paul says, faith says - the faith that ultimately the foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of men, the lunacy of Jesus saner that the grim sanity of the world."

Frederick Buechner, The Faces of Jesus.

Update - June 6

It has been about 2 weeks since I have written anything on this blog. I keep waiting for creative inspiration for some really great blog posts.

Nothing.

Oh, well - here's what's been going on in my life over the last couple of weeks.

The Bachelor. Kelly and the girls were gone for a week. I survived on leftovers, cereal, ice cream, and the kind generosity of people who felt sorry for me and brought me food. I started a new woodworking project while they were gone. I am building a new bed for Kelly and me. One of my first furniture projects 10 years (or so) ago was bed. I had very little idea what I was doing. Now, that bed is kind of squeaky and rickety - not a good thing. I will tear that old bed down rebuild it as a twin size for Gracie. I am building the new bed out of black walnut. It is a beautiful wood, but I have no dust collection system in my garage, so now everything is coated in brown dust. And, every night after working out there I have to clean out my nose of dark chocolate boogers. (That would be a good name for a band, don't you think? - Dark Chocolate Boogers)

Luke is eating my lunch. Or, I should probably say that Jesus is eating my lunch. I am preaching through Luke and over three consecutive Sundays I have covered the Good Samaritan (10:25-37), Mary and Martha (10:38-42) and then Jesus' teaching on prayer (11:1-13). Wow. I have studied these passages before - many times. But, looking at them again - afresh and anew - it's kind of hard to take. I have a long way to go.

Board retreat. This weekend we are having a board retreat with our elders and deacons. I can't wait. So much of church leadership revolves around "management". It's sort of a necessary evil. The church is a fairly complex organism and "management" is just part of it. It's not the fun part, though. At least from my perspective. The great part of church ministry is "the mission" that we are called to fulfill. Like all churches, however, it is easy to begin with a sense of mission and then get hunkered down with the details of management. Periodically we have to lift our head - see the bigger picture and remember why it is we are doing what we are doing. I, especially need to know where we are going and that we are indeed getting there. This weekend, we (as a leadership board) will breath the country air, we'll pray together, study together, reflect on Biblical mandates - together. In light of those mandates we will assess where we are as a church and where we need to go in the future. We will develop action items and a fresh prayer list of things we desperately want to see God do in our midst. I am hoping and praying for a great weekend.

Kelly and I know how to put away the groceries

Yesterday was Kelly and my wedding anniversary. 14 years! Happy Anniversary to us. Last night we went on our big anniversary date which included dinner at PF Changs. We got to the restaurant late (8:00pm - which is late for us). But even at 8:00pm we had to wait 30 minutes to be seated. By the time we finally sat down we were hungry enough to eat the table.

We quickly ordered an appetizer (which is rare for us - we're pretty cheap).

Then, the manager brings us a second appetizer - for free. How great is that? Evidently it had been made by mistake for another table that didn't want it. He asked if we wanted it. Well... yeah!

Then our entrees came. We were sitting at a table for four and we had to rearrange our plates to make them all fit. So great! What a feast. The amazing part... we ate it all (except for one lettuce wrap). Our waiter was actually laughing at us that we were eating so much.

Then we had a piece of chocolate cake (called The Great Wall of Chocolate). It was our anniversary after all. We couldn't finish the cake though - it was ginormous. We had met our match.

All in all, it was feast worthy of a true celebration. Kelly is my greatest earthly blessing. I love the fact that we get to be married. Happy anniversary, Kelly.

Perhaps, by next May 22 I'll be hungry again.

Dull

Starting this blog has made me feel at times like Peter at the Transfiguration. Peter, not knowing what to say, said...

Not much writing lately because I haven't felt like it and I haven't really known what to say. I have not been feeling terribly eloquent - or clever - or creative. I am actually feeling quite dull of brain and spirit.

But, I know that God is still at work in and around me. Sometimes it just doesn't look like it... or feel like it. It comes as no shock to anyone who might be reading this blog to know that even pastors go through times of dryness and distance - when the glory of the "mission" seems squashed by daily, mundane maintenance - when the pleasures of sweet communion seem much more real in theory than experience.

Today, my mind is drawn back to a dog-eared prayer in one of my favorite books by A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God. Here it is (changing "thee" and "thy" to "you" and "your").

"Oh God, I have tasted your goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed at my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want you; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me your glory, I pray, so that I may know you indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me the grace to rise and follow you up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long."

Isn't that good? This prayer is dog-eared is because I have visited it before. On many occasions - spanning years and years - I have felt the same longing, the same frustration. Is that a shameful thing - that I feel just as needy now as I did then? I hope not, because it seems to be the story of my journey. God seems to teach me dependence, not through success and mission advancement, but through times of dryness, inadequacy and a profound discontent with who I really am.

I am in one of those times.


By the way - the Honduran team had a great trip. They gave away tons of food packs; they equipped a hospital and a clinic with much needed medicine and equipment; they fitted and gave away all-terrain wheelchairs to very eager recipients. Good job. No coffee - but I guess I'll let that slide.

International Coffee Broker

There is an orphanage in Honduras that several of the folks from our church help out with. We sent a team down last week with a whole 18-wheeler size trailer full of supplies (including an x-ray machine for a local hospital there, several thousand bottles of antibiotics and 100 wheelchairs - among other things). Very cool.

My one request of the team - find me some good coffee to bring back. But, I don't want roasted coffee that will go stale in a couple of weeks - I want green coffee, still in the burlap sack (I roast my own coffee). And, it needs to be good quality, high grown Arabica beans. No problem, right?

They quickly informed me that I would need to tell them where to go and who to talk to get those beans. This proved to be much more difficult than I thought it would be.

I should have realized that stateside coffee wholesalers would not be too eager to tell people like me where to get good quality coffee. (Current "fair trade" price is about $1.39/lb - which means market driven, non fair-trade coffee has to be around $1/lb or less. And, considering the fact that coffee roasting is not a terribly difficult or expensive art - it is amazing that the same $1/lb coffee is being sold for $12 -$16/lb or $1.50-$4/cup in coffee shops. No wonder Starbucks is making a killing.) That being said, I was very much on my own.

I found a promising Honduran Fair Trade Coffee Cooperative web site. Too bad it was all in Spanish (and Google translator wouldn't work). My four years of Spanish in middle school and high school did me no good - what a waste. For a few brief moments I tried to muster my courage to make the international call to the phone number on the web site. But, I just knew someone would answer and say, "hola, como estas?" - and I would be completely lost. I wrote down the phone number and the address and gave it to our team. "Call them" I said. It was the best I could do.

One of the team members called me yesterday to tell me they couldn't get a hold of anyone at that number. On to plan "B". They said they talked to someone who knows someone, who knows someone, who... could connect them to a grower up in the mountains. Who knows what they will get. Who knows if they will be able to get the beans past customs. They might have to "smuggle" it. They'll probably get arrested. I'll probably get arrested. You'll probably see me on the news.

All I wanted was coffee.

Why don't we pray more?

Loaded question, I know. If I could solve the problem of why Christians pray so little, I could write a book and make lots of money.

A little over a week ago I preached a sermon about the time when the apostles were unable to cast out a demon (Luke 9; Mark 9; Matt. 17). In Matthew's account Jesus says their inability is due to the littleness of their faith (which is not really a littleness in "quantity" because faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain. Somehow, the "littleness" refers to their regard toward the object of their faith - for it is God's Spirit which moves mountains. Zech. 4:6-7). In Mark's account it is clear that what the apostles were trying to accomplish can only be done through prayer. The disciples weren't trusting which was evidenced by their lack of prayer.

But, earlier in Luke chapter 9, Jesus sent the 12 out to proclaim the kingdom, heal the sick and cast out demons. Jesus empowered them to do these things. Then, just a few verses later - because of their lack of faith and lack of prayer - the 12 are found impotent to do what they are already empowered to do.

Isn't that interesting?

They had a history of success and some understanding of their own empowerment. Evidently, they didn't think they needed to trust anymore - didn't really need to pray.

This gives me tremendous insight as to why I often pray so little. We do the things that are important to us. The reason we are not fervent in prayer is because deep down we don't think we really need to be. Somehow we think we can make it on our own - do it on our own.

But, I know better. I really do. I have seen Him answer prayer. I know the commands of Scripture. I know how important prayer is. I know how wonderful it can be. When I set aside a significant amount of time for prayer, I gain new perspective on my circumstances; I usually feel refreshed and connected to my creator. Invariably I ask myself why I don't do that everyday. I don't know the answer.

In my marriage - I love praying with Kelly. It draws us together as a couple. I can feel closer to her and to God at the same time - how great is that? So, why don't I initiate prayer with my wife on a daily basis? I am not quite sure.

We had a prayer gathering at church this past weekend. What a wonderful time. I love hearing the murmur of prayer huddles scattered throughout a large room. I left thinking, "why don't we do this more often?" Not sure - just not a priority, I guess.

I think we all feel a measure of guilt over this. Somehow, none of us feel like we are where we are supposed to be. And, usually our solution has to do with frequency and duration. "I am committing to praying more frequently and for longer periods of time", we say. But, I don't think that frequency is the problem. Frequency is the symptom. It's a heart problem - it's a dependency problem - an arrogance problem - a problem of self-sufficiency. When we feel the distinct need for God, we pray. The reason we don't "pray always" is because we don't always feel the need for God. Plain and simple. That's our problem.

Go Bluebonnets!

This weekend is the annual Emma Creek Classic, women's 5k walk and run here in Hesston. For the second year in a row the girls of my family along with Kelly's mom and sister have gotten together to form a team. Their team is called the "Bluebonnets" because they all have close ties to Texas - and the Bluebonnet is the Texas state flower.

Kelly bettered her time this year by about 3 minutes. Way to go Kelly!

From left to right: Gail (Kelly's mom), Emma, Abby, Kelly, Gracie, and Erika (Kelly's sister)

Gracie was the slow-poke of the group. Gail agreed to be Gracie's companion for the race. I am proud to say that out of 898 racers, they weren't last. (I think there were two or three behind them). Good job, Gracie.

I think it's called a "pergola"

Kelly has quite the "honey do" list she keeps for me. She loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life. This last weekend I was able to put a big check mark next to a project at the top of the list - something to hold our porch swing. Kelly has a thing for porch swings - she would sit on it every day if the weather was nice. Ours has been in our storage room since we moved to Kansas. Now it can see the sun again.

Here are some pictures of the first (of many) Harry Homeowner projects for summer '07.

Quotes of the Day - April 19

From the classic book Spiritual Leadership by J. Oswald Sanders.

"We can lead others only as far along the road as we ourselves have traveled. Merely pointing the way is not enough. If we are not walking, then no one can be following, and we are not leading anyone." (p.28)

"More failure comes from an excess of caution than from bold experiments with new ideas... Most failures come from insufficient daring... The frontiers of the kingdom of God were never advanced by men and women of caution." (p. 127-128)

I love our small-group

I need to take a minute to say how wonderful our small-group is. Like a lot of churches, we have found small-groups to be indispensable in creating an atmosphere for the Biblical "one anothers" (love one another, encourage one another, spur one another on to love and good deeds, etc). I am a big believer in putting Christians in smaller groups to live life together. All small-groups struggle to one degree or another in being the type of community the Bible calls us to be. Sometimes small-groups can be a very frustrating experience. There are other times, though, when a small-group is such a beautiful thing.

The group that Kelly and I help lead has got to be the most varied group I have ever been apart of. We have young couples with toddlers and other couples with grown kids. We have 5 singles ranging from college age to young professional to older and divorced. We have 3 folks who have just come out of an ultra-legalistic church community (sort of Amish like, only more oppressive). We have another guy who is sort of a "biker type" who has just recently come out of drug and alcohol abuse, trouble with the law and failed marriages. Every time we meet I look out at the jammed packed living room of people standing, or sitting on the floor or at tables or on the sofas with styrofoam plates of food precariously balanced on their knees and I just smile. We are such an odd group.

Over the last several months we have been talking about and studying the concept of "grace". How great to see people in such different stages of life and from wildly different backgrounds all united together around our common need for grace. It is such a wonderful picture of what the church is supposed to be.

I love the way our group opens up and talks about important issues; I love the way they pray for and with each other; I love the way they have reached out to and welcomed new folks to our little "community;" I love their desire and heart for serving others.

But, this is the sad part... When I started this group a year or so ago, I started it with a co-leader (Scott) who had never led a small-group before. The plan was always to grow the group to viable size, establish the group in what a small-group was supposed to look like, and to get Scott to where he was comfortable to lead on his own - and then Kelly and I would duck out and start another group. Well, the time has come.

My plan now is for Kelly and I to step out and for Scott to give some leadership opportunities to another guy in our group in hopes of dividing the group soon.

While this is a wonderful place to be, it is still kind of sad. I am tempted to just stay where I am - because I like it here. Like everyone else I have to fight the urge to "keep a good thing going". But, as soon as we try to hang on to and preserve - that which we are preserving ceases to be what it once was. We have to keep moving forward. Change and growth are good things.

A different way of seeing

My artistic background and training are in the visual arts (specifically - drawing, print making, pottery and painting). I am a firm believer that artistic ability can be learned and developed. I was planning on being an art teacher after all. While it is true that some people seem to be born with the artistic "knack", I think that "knack" is misunderstood by most who would not call themselves artistic. Art is not primarily an issue of bio mechanics - how you hold the pencil or the brush, or how you mix color. I believe that the key ingredient to great art is how the artist "sees" the world around him. Great artists see differently than other people do. Everyday objects and scenes are seen in terms of form, line, hue, light (direct, refracted, cool, warm), proportion, space, balance, etc.

Most of us don't really see that well.

I am fascinated by the art of photography. And, this is not because I am good at it -I'm not. I am astoundingly average. But, I am fascinated because it seems like the technology of the camera levels the playing field for everyone. We all have the potential of being great artists - the camera does the work. And yet, so few of us can do it well. Why is that? Imagine taking 99 of us average people and adding one Pulitzer Prize winning photojournalist. Give us all the same type of camera and then release us all to photograph the same event (like a Presidential Inauguration). A few of us might get lucky and get some really great shots. For the most part, however, the photojournalist would outpace us all. For he/she has been trained how to "see". The equipment is the same; the scenery is the same; the people we are photographing are the same. The great shots are already there just waiting to be captured by any of us, waiting to be found. They are there, right in front of our noses - and we all see them.. and then most of us walk right by. While seeing we don't really SEE.

I have used this principle to teach people how to study their Bible. Familiarity with Bible passages causes most of us to skim over what we think we already know. We rarely stop to fully see - afresh and anew.

I had a great conversation with Kelly last night about writing. She is a tremendous writer but she feels like her creative well is dried up and empty. She described her days as spilling over into one another in endless to-do lists that never get done. Admittedly, not the most fertile soil for creative thinking. But in the end we both came to the conclusion that God is there, even in the mundane. The stories are there. Everyday conversations can either be seen as useless, throw away words - or we can hear in that other person and see on their face the pain of their circumstances, the frustration of their sin or even the joy of God's redemptive work. There's a story behind that voice. How well do we see? How well do we listen? God, as the Master Artist of the beauty all around us has planted art in obscure places for those who are willing to search for it. The stories are there, waiting to be found. The great shots are there. The beauty is there. God is at work and He is leaving His finger prints.

But, even as I write this I know in my heart that I do not practice it. While seeing, I rarely see - while hearing, I rarely hear. God is revealing himself in tremendous ways through his creation - through conversations with those made in his image. And while God's creation cries out for the glory of God and eternal souls grapple with the issues of eternity, I blindly just go about my day.
And the God who is unseen remains... unseen.

Quotes of the day - April 11

Here are a few quotes from one of the books I am working through, The Externally Focused Church by Rick Rusaw and Eric Swanson.

"We don't know of any churches that claim to be internally focused, but they exist all the same. Internally focused churches concentrate on getting people into the church and generating activity there. These churches may create powerful worship experiences, excel in teaching, offer thriving youth programs, and have vibrant small groups, but at the end of the day, what is measured is the number of people and activities within the church. These are good churches filled with good people. And, what they do is vital but not sufficient for a healthy church. Worship, teaching, and personal devotions are absolutely necessary for building the internal capacity to sustain an external focus, but if all the human and financial resources are expended inside the four walls of the church, then no matter how "spiritual" things may appear to be, something is missing." (p.16)

Discussing Matthew 25:35-46 ("for I was hungry and you gave me something to eat... Lord, when did we see you hungry...?)

"Then Jesus replies, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." It is not those to whom we minister who meet Jesus in a ministry encounter; it is the ones who are doing the ministering! We're not Jesus to them. They are Jesus to us!... Mother Teresa described her ministry strategy as going out and looking for the dying, the cripple, the lonely, the unwanted, the unloved - "Jesus in disguise." Are we willing to find him?" (p.66)

In the mean time

My acting debut went ok last night. My cold is much better. I remembered all the things I was supposed to say. I got some good feedback. All in all I felt like our Good Friday gathering was quite worshipful. We took communion together and remembered our Lord's death. It was a meaningful time. Tomorrow is Easter - the celebration of the most distinctive doctrine in the Christian faith - the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Today is Saturday.

The Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday is sort of an awkward day for me. As a pastor who tries to design worship experiences, I want a Good Friday time to be somber, serious and somewhat dark. It should foster an attitude of humility, reflection and gratitude. Easter Sunday should be bright and loud with an attitude of celebration and victory. But, somewhere between the despair of Friday and the celebration of Sunday comes... Saturday - the mean time.

We know what happened Friday; we know what's coming Sunday. So, today we just... wait, I guess.

It seems like a lot of our lives is spent "in the mean time". When I felt like it was time for me to move out of youth ministry several years ago, I went through about 18 months of difficult "mean time" - knowing something different was coming but not knowing what or when. I bet I have had 5 or 6 conversations with individuals just in the last few weeks - people who are going through the same thing in their career. It seems like God gives us a desire or a dream and then makes us wait - and wait to see it come to fruition. In fact, it seems like the wait is much longer than it needs to be. I know several couples that have been praying earnestly for children. They would be great parents too. And they continue to wait. I know that there is a high likelihood that eventually they will have children - either though natural biology or through adoption. But today, their arms are still empty. Life in the mean time.

It is obvious that the ability to wait is important to God. It is a common theme in all of our stories. Is there anything that tests our faith more than waiting? In fact, one gets the impression that the more important the mission - the more important the promise, the longer the people have to wait to see it come to pass. How old was Abraham before the promised son was finally given? How long was Moses in Midian? How long has the church waited for Christ to finally come back?

Our ability to wait says a lot about us. It says a lot about who we are trusting in too. This is a tough principle for me. Patience is not one of my virtues. But God is teaching me.

You may think it's funny but it'snot

It is Wednesday of Holy Week. In two days we will have a big Good Friday service in the evening. I am planning on making a fool of myself doing my first ever dramatic monologue - in character. That's right, Greg Holmes the thespian. Then, Sunday will of course be Easter. The big day.

And, I have a head cold.

Between my coughing and me blowing my nose you can hear me say such profound things as, "I deed do blow my doze", and "my ed ith kide ov thtuffy".

Could be an interesting weekend.

Monday musings Apirl 2

I am still reeling over my sermon yesterday. There are certain passages that make me feel especially hypocritical as a preacher. Yesterday's was one of them. The passage in question is Luke 9:10-27. Jesus has just revealed himself through series of amazing miracles (stilling the storm, the Gerasene demoniac, the hemorrhaging woman and the raising of Jairus' daughter) - He then sends the 12 out on a training mission, empowered to perform miracles of their own. He was not only training the 12 for disciple-making, He was revealing himself in a unique way. Jesus isn't just a prophet or teacher - he is divine. He doesn't just have the power to do amazing things, he has the power to empower others to do amazing things. So, when he calls them to step out in obedience and do something that they cannot do - they are to obey and do it anyway. This is tested in 9:13 when he tells them to feed thousands of hungry people.

All of that is pretty convicting - stepping out in radical obedience to do what we cannot do. That's tough for guys like me who tend to play it safe.

But the worst is yet to come.

Jesus goes on to ask if disciples have learned their lesson. Do they understand who Jesus is? Peter gets it right and confesses that Jesus is the "Christ of God". Then Jesus drops a bombshell - he will be rejected and killed and then rise on the third day. It is obvious that this is not what Jesus' disciples were expecting to hear.

It would be a whole lot more enjoyable to follow a Messiah who brings joy and blessing and freedom and prosperity to his people. But, what does it mean to follow one who was rejected and tortured to death? Jesus describes what this will mean for his followers. As they publicly align themselves with one whom the world has rejected, they will have to carry that scorn and derision daily. And, if they try to save their lives they will ultimately lose them - but if they willingly lay down their lives for the sake of Christ - they will find life.

This is the part that is hard to preach.

I am pretty wimpy when it comes to hardship or suffering. I do not "count it all joy"; I count the minutes till it's over. I tend to do whatever is necessary to insure my life is pain free and comfortable. Not that we are to seek out hardship - but it seems like Christ is telling us to expect suffering if we are going to be a follower of his. I don't expect it. To be quite honest, I expect to be treated better than Christ was. I rarely - very rarely - suffer for the sake of Christ.

Our understanding of who Jesus is and what his earthly ministry is all about affects our perception of what it means to be his follower. Is the Jesus that we follow wearing a crown of gold? A crown of roses? A crown of thorns? A student is not above his teacher. If Jesus wore a crown of thorns, how is it that I expect to follow him wearing a crown of roses?