the latest big thing in the Holmes' household

My two oldest daughters have always shared a room. They are only a year and a half apart. And, since we have not lived in very big houses - having them share a room has always made the best sense. All that changed on Monday.

We have have begun a new chapter in our household. In the lives of my daughters, this is a REALLY BIG DEAL. They now each have their own room.

It is becoming quite evident that my girls are very different from each other. With each year that passes their interests are seeming to get more and more divergent. It's almost like they are they are totally different people. It's strange. And while I genuinely think they love each other - they don't always want to be in the same room with each other. So - recently they began lobbying hard for their own space.

I was the toughest sell on the idea, for two reasons. Reason 1 - I tend to think it's healthy for them to have to work things out and be forced to live together. Good life training - know what I mean? But, then again, I never had to share a room with anybody when I was growing up. So what do I know? Reason 2 -while I know it's selfish, I didn't want to give up our guest room/home office space. Now our home office stuff has to be put somewhere else in the house - making our house feel even more smallish.

Oh well - we'll live.

In the end I was convinced that making the move was a good idea. Now, two days after the move I am even more convinced. Their personalities are blossoming - even in how they choose to decorate their space.

My prayer is that they won't grow apart from each other and become distant. I hope this will help them get along if they are not in each other's face all time. If we see them becoming more and more distant from each other, we may have to make yet another change. We'll see.

Boy, this parenting thing is tough. We are told in Proverbs to train up our children in the way they should go. Too bad there is not a one size fits all approach that works for every child and every family as to how to go about doing that. It's clear that "the way a child should go" is more than just moral standards. "The way a child should go" has a lot to do with the way a child is wired by their creator. Within the constraints of clear moral behavior there are a lot of different paths to choose - a lot of different personalities, a lot of different interests. One of the roles of a parent is to help that child navigate and find the best possible path for them - the path of greatest kingdom impact - that path that will best use the strengths and talents and gifts that their creator has given them.

And, to do all that while trying to maintain a relatively peaceful household.

I'll say it again - this parenting thing is really tough. It takes an incredible amount of discernment, and agility, and emotional flexibility, and humility, and strength, and communication, and love, and patience. and... Any author or speaker who boils good parenting down to a handful of steps is lying to himself and doing a disservice to his audience.

I realize that in the grand scheme of things, deciding to give the girls their own room is a relatively small decision. There have been much bigger decisions we have faced - and I know there are much, much, much bigger decisions we will make in the future. But, this week, the room thing is the decision at hand.

A year ago I would have said, "Abby and Emma will share a room until they go to college". And I could have clearly explained why. But, I am learning that sometimes it is not healthy to "stick to your guns". Sometimes it is better to take a dynamic approach to parenting that requires a reassessment at each new season. Sometimes what is required is humility, and flexibility, and maybe even a change of course.